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March 29, 2024, 10:55:56 AM

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Absolutely pisspoor British films

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, August 06, 2018, 11:21:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: alan nagsworth on November 11, 2019, 09:04:35 PM
I don't know if this really belongs in here, but one of the same friends I watched MLIR with in the above post showed me this recently. It popped up on his Facebook as he's part of the illegal rave scene and knows a lot of ropey squat types, one of whom is responsible for this film:

White Glove Massive (trailer)

I guess it's some sort of amateur UK street gangster movie, like yer man Vinnie Jones would be in, except obviously it looks hilariously shit. I do really want to watch it though. The bit where the girl flashes those three lads on an unkempt patch of grass round the back of some house cracks me up no end. "Wheeeyyy!"

love how they could only afford bits of an amen break in that trailer

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: alan nagsworth on November 13, 2019, 01:19:18 PM
Right it's bought. I might set up some sort of chain mailing list for this so I can send it off and make sure anyone who wants to borrow it receives it. Or I might just try and rip it who knows. But it's coming.

surely one for deletedeletedelete and (spam)?

Rich Uncle Skeleton

Yeah make a night of it!

QuoteA European Exclusive For HDDVD Revived

I'm sure competition was fierce.

the

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on November 13, 2019, 02:01:52 PMlove how they could only afford bits of an amen break in that trailer

There are two tracks in that trailer, don't know the jungle track containing the amen, second is Made In Two Minutes

imitationleather

Quote from: alan nagsworth on November 13, 2019, 01:19:18 PM
Right it's bought. I might set up some sort of chain mailing list for this so I can send it off and make sure anyone who wants to borrow it receives it. Or I might just try and rip it who knows. But it's coming.

YES LAD

(Also who the fuck has a DVD player these days? Get it ripped, son.)

Crabwalk

Instead of spending all their money on DRUGS, they should've spent some on a post-production course so that they could find out what deinterlacing is.

alan nagsworth

Quote from: imitationleather on November 13, 2019, 02:31:58 PM
YES LAD

(Also who the fuck has a DVD player these days? Get it ripped, son.)

The only thing I'll be "ripping" is line after line of "A little bit of this, a little bit of that" when I get this fucker through my letterbox!!


SteveDave

Please upload this somewhere Nags and then we can arrange a live CAB watch of it all together whilst sucking up some drugs. Nice one, sorted etc.

Famous Mortimer

Quote from: alan nagsworth on November 13, 2019, 01:19:18 PM
Right it's bought. I might set up some sort of chain mailing list for this so I can send it off and make sure anyone who wants to borrow it receives it. Or I might just try and rip it who knows. But it's coming.
Count me in, for either method of viewing.

Big Mclargehuge

Quote from: Famous Mortimer on November 13, 2019, 04:23:53 PM
Count me in, for either method of viewing.

Seconded. (Equally if it helps anyone out I'm kitted up with a full rip/compression suite at my gaff so I'm happy to help if necessary)

Also whoever recommended "Mad Cows" as a choice earlier in the thread. it's just been ordered. it looks awful and I need it in my life.

imitationleather

Be careful. Mad Cows is responsible for my lost decade of substance abuse and multiple nervous breakdowns.

Gurke and Hare

I like the bit in that trailer where about 20 people in a non-league ground are making the noise of a full Wembley stadium.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Quote from: Famous Mortimer on November 10, 2019, 05:39:06 PM
I presume many people on here will be delighted to learn that "Rise of the Footsoldier 4: Marbella" is now out, with the title perhaps being a clue they've finally moved on from darkly lit Essex dirt tracks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pr7IkS3IgXY

Having never seen any of the other ones, this looks at least tolerable, so will probably be the worst of the lot. They did have the cash to licence "Blue Monday" too, a fee which equals the budget of the last three movies combined.

There seems to be a small pool of actors who get picked time and time again for these sort of films. Imagine being an actor and all you're good at is playing "Cockney CANT 3" in some generic gangster film. All of the cast from ROTF: Marbella studied at RADA too, I believe.

dissolute ocelot

Quote from: Elderly Sumo Prophecy on November 15, 2019, 12:59:58 AM
There seems to be a small pool of actors who get picked time and time again for these sort of films. Imagine being an actor and all you're good at is playing "Cockney CANT 3" in some generic gangster film. All of the cast from ROTF: Marbella studied at RADA too, I believe.

From the ROTF cast biographies Terry Stone "Was a rave promoter before turning to acting. Before he was a rave promoter, he was a Hardcore/Jungle MC by the name of 'MC Free & Easy'." Roland Manookian's film credits include The Football Factory, Oh Marbella!, RocknRolla, The Business, Dead Cert, The Rise & Fall of a White Collar Hooligan, Big Fat Gypsy Gangster, London Heist, and ROTF1-4, but he got started as a child in TV Dickens adaptations. Oh the pathos.

beanheadmcginty

Rented ROTF4 the other night and was not disappointed in the slightest. Terry Turbo and the young lad's comedy side quest to Amsterdam was a million times more entertaining than Finn and that girl going to the casino planet in Star Wars.

Rev+

Fuck me, 'Tales from the Lodge' reeks of a tax write-off.  I know what you're thinking:  surely no film starring Mackenzie Crook and Johnny Vegas could be bad.  A bunch of friends have a get-together at a lake house to scatter the ashes of a departed comrade (yes, it's a bit windy and we get that gag), and pass the time by telling horror stories for some reason.  Your classic portmanteau kind of deal, with the storytellers facing an ordeal at the end.

I mean, a horror-comedy like that sounds alright, doesn't it?  It does have the added novelty value of each segment being directed by the actor telling the story, meaning we get a mix of styles within the wrap-around one.  Should be good for a few giggles and a mild scare.

I won't spoil it for you.

rjd2

Quote from: dissolute ocelot on November 15, 2019, 12:13:34 PM
From the ROTF cast biographies Terry Stone "Was a rave promoter before turning to acting. Before he was a rave promoter, he was a Hardcore/Jungle MC by the name of 'MC Free & Easy'." Roland Manookian's film credits include The Football Factory, Oh Marbella!, RocknRolla, The Business, Dead Cert, The Rise & Fall of a White Collar Hooligan, Big Fat Gypsy Gangster, London Heist, and ROTF1-4, but he got started as a child in TV Dickens adaptations. Oh the pathos.

Also got Frank Harper, Craig Farbrass, Neil Maskell and Billy from Eastenders.

Not seen the new one, but obviously out of the previous three the first one is the best of the lot.

Its also got this scene which has been debated before. Proper nasty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LppPoHbqWI&list=PLzykPQ_Y08f0ihD4DmnVchgb-lFxUemlg&index=67&t=0s

Obviously beating up poor people is bad, but he did interrupt a handjob so 2 sides and all that.


Jim Bob

Quote from: rjd2 on November 16, 2019, 12:38:12 AM
Obviously beating up poor people is bad, but he did interrupt a handjob so 2 sides and all that.

This made me laugh and for that I thank you.

rjd2

He got noshed off after that attack so thankfully all good.

Rise of the footsoldier 3 also has an amazing trailer especially worth it for the last 5 seconds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzPsLEHImzk

Jim Bob

Quote from: Rev+ on November 16, 2019, 12:11:13 AM
I know what you're thinking:  surely no film starring Mackenzie Crook and Johnny Vegas could be bad.

...said the incredibly fortunate man who's never seen Sex Lives of the Potato Men.

Rev+

Thankfully I haven't but that was sort of what I was getting at there.

Famous Mortimer

I think it's about time for a Rise of the Footsoldier season. I made it through all 16 "Witchcraft" movies, this should be a breeze.

PlanktonSideburns

Quote from: rjd2 on November 16, 2019, 03:19:37 PM
He got noshed off after that attack so thankfully all good.

Rise of the footsoldier 3 also has an amazing trailer especially worth it for the last 5 seconds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jzPsLEHImzk

the last .5 seconds got me

PlanktonSideburns

starting to wonder why more trailers dont end with a cockney bloke saying the word


CANT

really loud at the end

PlanktonSideburns

maybe its time to be the change i want to see in the world

fires up adobe premire

PlanktonSideburns


Famous Mortimer

Quote from: PlanktonSideburns on November 22, 2019, 10:25:16 PM
laddington: rise of the footsolider edition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XKHx8-FvHTc&feature=youtu.be

ET: rise of the footsolider edition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mp_vvNks4ZQ&feature=youtu.be

shindlers lift: rise of the footsolider edition
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3E-dYICujo&feature=youtu.be


You are one of the great human beings and if we had karma, you'd be getting all of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sPUc0Dl7zc

Is a compilation of Fairbrass's greatest moments. Gets rid of all the stuff that isn't violence or swearing.

alan nagsworth



christmas has come early.

i'm afraid that due to the sacred nature of this film among me and my friend, you're gonna have to wait until we've found the time to watch it before any of you lot get your mitts on it. but it is here and it will happen soon.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Have you only got one friend? I've got two.