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Absolutely pisspoor British films

Started by Mark Steels Stockbroker, August 06, 2018, 11:21:11 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

BeardFaceMan

What was that film with the All Saints girls, i think it was a 'bloke out of the Eurythmics' joint?

buzby

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on August 09, 2018, 08:14:42 AM
What was that film with the All Saints girls, i think it was a 'bloke out of the Eurythmics' joint?
Honest (written by Clement/La Frenais on an off day and directed by David 'A' Stewart), which has a sky-scraping 4/10 rating on IMDB. It's main selling point appeared to be the Appleton Sisters getting their kit off. Shaznay Lewis had the good sense not to be involved, though it does feature a cameo from Bootsy Collins

lebowskibukowski

Hard Men, starring that bloke out of London's Burning and Mad Frankie Fraser, was a fairly traumatic experience. I imagine it probably had Tamer Hassan in it as well but couldn't be sure.

Gulftastic

Quote from: buzby on August 09, 2018, 08:43:37 AM
Honest (written by Clement/La Frenais on an off day and directed by David 'A' Stewart), which has a sky-scraping 4/10 rating on IMDB. It's main selling point appeared to be the Appleton Sisters getting their kit off. Shaznay Lewis had the good sense not to be involved, though it does feature a cameo from Bootsy Collins


Hence the joke at 44s in this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bb_Pfgu-wg


BritishHobo

Quote from: imitationleather on August 07, 2018, 10:24:14 AM
That new Festival one with the guy from The Inbetweeners who isn't Jay or Simon Bird. Looks utterly shocking and about a decade out of date. Clearly the producers wanted to do a third Inbetweener film set around a festival but the other two were like "We're pushing forty! We've got Friday Night Dinner and Ladbrokes ads to do!" Desolation in trailer form.

It fucking annoys me because it is a comedy film and there are NO JOKES IN THE TRAILER. It is three minutes and it is literally nothing but wacky partying - ooh he's wearing a thomg, ooh he's painted blue, ooh they're smashed and dancing! - AND NO JOKES. The closest thing to a joke is Jermaine Clement says in one trailer that if you don't wash your cock you can get a disease. That is IT.

IT IS A COMEDY FILM AND THERE ARE NO JOKES IN THE TRAILER

BritishHobo

Naturally I will be going to see it on release day

Brundle-Fly

Quote from: St_Eddie on August 09, 2018, 01:28:17 AM
Ah, you can't leave it at that!  Pray, do tell.

I shouldn't have dragged it up really. Long time ago and drink had been imbibed. One of them had the hump with me because I said "You know when it's time to leave a house party is when somebody produces an acoustic guitar and plays Streets Of London."

Suddenly went all quiet in the living room and then he kept asking me if I was "a propah Lundonah" and for me to name a better song about London than Streets Of London. It was one of those Goodfellas's Funny how? moments that could've turned unpleasant.  I answered with 'Waterloo Sunset'. He paused, squinted at me and said with a smile, "Given". The guitarist started playing it much to his glee and I ducked out to the kitchen with a cacophony of cockneys singing the Kinks classic in my ears.

TRIVIA The party was held in a top story flat above the Anxious Records studio run by Honest film director, Dave Stewart.

Shit Good Nose

#68
Quote from: BeardFaceMan on August 08, 2018, 11:21:44 PM
Was series 3 the one where they added a laughter track? To a fucking documentary?

Quote from: St_Eddie on August 09, 2018, 12:01:28 AM
It was series 2 which added the laughter track.  It was definitely a misstep because as you say, it jarred with the premise of it being a documentary.  The comedy in series 2 was also a lot broader than it was in series 1, which was equally incongruent with the documentary aspect.  However, it was series 3 which really went all out and turned the show into an incredibly broad sitcom.  Series 3 is not without it's moments, in my opinion but by that point, it had absolutely become a show which had forgotten the very core of its concept.

Yep, laughter track added for series 2, but I looked beyond that because a) it still had the same spirit as the first (even if it got a bit broader) and many belly laugh moments, and b) I believe the BBC forced them to add one because, if memory serves, either a big chunk of the general public believed it was real, or the police complained that it would make people think that it was a realistic representation of them (or possibly both) - you have to remember at the time we didn't really have mockumentary comedy in series form, so it was all a bit new and way ahead of its time.  Of course, since then it's been very much a go-to format.

But series 3...fucking hell.  It started with a reasonably good premise, I thought (investigation into corruption and fraud in that unit), and, if memory serves, the first episode very much stuck to the same feel as the first two series.  But it VERY quickly changed in the second episode (or maybe it was even halfway through the first one - I can't remember, as I never watched the third series again after it was first broadcast) where it just turned into a normal sitcom and they introduced fantasy sequences and musical numbers.  One of the biggest drops in quality in any British comedy ever.  There was a rumour floating around at the time that they basically just did it so they could all have a nice holiday paid for by the BBC.  It certainly seemed that way.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Brundle-Fly on August 09, 2018, 03:19:58 PM
I shouldn't have dragged it up really. Long time ago and drink had been imbibed. One of them had the hump with me because I said "You know when it's time to leave a house party is when somebody produces an acoustic guitar and plays Streets Of London."

Suddenly went all quiet in the living room and then he kept asking me if I was "a propah Lundonah" and for me to name a better song about London than Streets Of London. It was one of those Goodfellas's Funny how? moments that could've turned unpleasant.  I answered with 'Waterloo Sunset'. He paused, squinted at me and said with a smile, "Given". The guitarist started playing it much to his glee and I ducked out to the kitchen with a cacophony of cockneys singing the Kinks classic in my ears.

That's a good anecdote, I'm glad that you dragged it up.

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on August 09, 2018, 04:14:42 PM
But series 3...fucking hell.  It started with a reasonably good premise, I thought (investigation into corruption and fraud in that unit), and, if memory serves, the first episode very much stuck to the same feel as the first two series.  But it VERY quickly changed in the second episode (or maybe it was even halfway through the first one - I can't remember, as I never watched the third series again after it was first broadcast) where it just turned into a normal sitcom and they introduced fantasy sequences and musical numbers.  One of the biggest drops in quality in any British comedy ever.  There was a rumour floating around at the time that they basically just did it so they could all have a holiday.  It certainly seemed that way.

You see, I can't really argue against this and I agree with everything that you say and yet, I kind of like series 3.  Having said that, the lowest point for me, is the musical number at the BBC, where they're all high on cocaine and there's that high-larious trope of a dwarf with a violent temper.  There's at least a couple of good episodes though, that easily good have slotted into series 2, if I remember correctly.  In fact, off the tope of my head, the only two episodes that I thought were approaching being out right bad, were the afformentioned BBC musical and the survival course on an island.  So, a couple of dud episodes out of 18 isn't bad going, all things considered.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: St_Eddie on August 09, 2018, 04:59:40 PM
You see, I can't really argue against this and I agree with everything that you say and yet... I kind of like series 3.  Having said that, the lowest point for me, is the musical number at the BBC, where they're all high on cocaine and there's that high-larious trope of a dwarf with a violent temper.  There's at least a couple of good episodes though, that easily good have slotted into series 2, if I remember correctly.  So, 3 or 4 naff episodes out of 18 isn't bad going really.

You may well be right, but all I really remember is both me and my dad (who was also a big fan of the first two series - that one where Ray is trying to start the generator in the background for most the episode damn near killed him) sat stony faced for the whole lot.  In fact, I think my dad even gave up after a couple of episodes.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on August 09, 2018, 05:05:22 PM
You may well be right, but all I really remember is both me and my dad (who was also a big fan of the first two series - that one where Ray is trying to start the generator in the background for most the episode damn near killed him) sat stony faced for the whole lot.  In fact, I think my dad even gave up after a couple of episodes.

That's the problem though; the first two episodes of series 3 are by far the worst of the entire series (the survival course and the musical number).  The episodes following that are much closer in tone to series 2.

Shit Good Nose

I also think Gary Beadle's presence was missed in the third series.  I know he was only in a couple of episodes of 2, but when he was in them they were always particularly memorable.

Perry Benson took quite a back seat in 3 as well didn't he?  Probably thanks to his homemade butter.

BeardFaceMan

Im going to have to give OGG another watch, dont think I've seen it since it was first on. If memory serves I enjoyed the first series, thought the 2nd was ok (which makes sense if that was when they added the laughs) and stopped watching with series 3. The only thing I can really recall about the show at the moment is someone being locked in the boot of a car and Donna Air in a bikini, but thats more a comment on my predilections and shit memory than the show. I certainly thought enough of the show to watch their shit films.

St_Eddie

Quote from: Shit Good Nose on August 09, 2018, 05:11:31 PM
Perry Benson took quite a back seat in 3 as well didn't he?  Probably thanks to his homemade butter.

Fucking Hell.  Don't be out of order.  You gotta churn sometimes.  How else is the butter gonna get made?!

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on August 09, 2018, 05:14:56 PM
...I can really recall about the show at the moment is someone being locked in the boot of a car and Donna Air in a bikini, but thats more a comment on my predilections and shit memory than the show...

Those two things definitely happened within the course of the show.  Your memory's not all that shit.

kidsick5000

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on August 09, 2018, 05:14:56 PM
and Donna Air in a bikini

The second holiday episode.
In the second series, they went to Spain. Third series, some tropical island.
Interesting how people react to such location shoots. 

Bogbrainedmurphy

Quote from: thecuriousorange on August 09, 2018, 01:32:53 PM


Oh god, I thought Cockneys vs Zombies was bad enough.

Bricktop shouting "It's full of abercrombies here!"


St_Eddie

#77
Quote from: thecuriousorange on August 09, 2018, 01:32:53 PM


"This film's the fuckin' mutt's nuts, mate.  Pubes Daz pissed 'imself with fear, the big shirt lifting cunt." ~ Legend Gary

BeardFaceMan

I saw Lesbian Vampire Killers mentioned in another thread, how the fuck did anyone involved in that manage to find work afterwards?

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: BeardFaceMan on August 10, 2018, 03:35:10 PM
I saw Lesbian Vampire Killers mentioned in another thread, how the fuck did anyone involved in that manage to find work afterwards?

There was one moment in that that made me genuinely LOL (and with it, not at it), but fucked if I can remember what it was.

Sebastian Cobb

I've not seen Run for your Wife (now I've remembered what it is) but someone told me that Biggins could be seen properly and deliberately showing everyone else up while quite obviously phoning it in at the same time.

bushwick

Quote from: PowerButchi on August 09, 2018, 05:49:03 AM
The Great Ecstasy of Robert Carmichael

Has precisely no redeeming features.

haha good call. I found that on a 'most disturbing movies' list some years back so DLed and watched it. Really humourless and pretentious with heavy handed Iraq war analogies, some X-TREME sexual violence and Danny Dyer playing a baddie drug dealer just released from jail. I did find it entertaining tbf.

The Announcement - really hated this so wrote this review on imdb yonks ago:

"There is no way on earth you are going to care about any of these characters. A bunch of spoilt middle class overgrown kids take some drugs at a party and get off with each other and argue. I've just seen this on TV and I didn't think it was a 'film' as such, more a post-'This Life' indulgence that really has no resonance or proper drama to it. Stuff like this will get commissioned for time immemorial unfortunately, irrelevant middle class "lifestyle" crap that takes itself far too seriously. It's got David Baddiel in it and that bird out of "Cold Feet", you know what to expect. There was a lot of this stuff about in 2000, it was a particularly British malaise..."they're educated and doing drugs? friends, but kinda dysfunctional and with incestuous relationships? sounds great!". This kind of nonsense, and post-Guy Ritchie comedy- gangster stuff...dark days. If you have taste, this will annoy you to the point of violence."

Anything by the late Michael Murphy would technically fit the bill, I love his stuff though, a real 10p Andy Milligan. Amazingly all his films are on youtube, this one called Bloodstream is particularly ten pence:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufSgAm8mY_U


Phil_A

Oh wow, I just remembered this load of shite, having not thought of it in a decade - Donkey Punch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC_JmZsTGKw

Astonishingly, fucking Warp Records part-funded this through their film imprint, possibly a sign that their days on the cutting edge were waning.

Shit Good Nose

Quote from: Phil_A on August 10, 2018, 09:52:21 PM
Oh wow, I just remembered this load of shite, having not thought of it in a decade - Donkey Punch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC_JmZsTGKw

Astonishingly, fucking Warp Records funded this through their film imprint, possibly a sign that their days on the cutting edge were waning.

Yep, awful film, rendered even worse in the current climate to the point where you can't even semi-defend it for being "of its time".  Always bewildered me how it ever got so much positive buzz and advance critical props.

St_Eddie

I like Donkey Punch.  A very effective thriller in the style of Eden Lake and what have you.

7/10

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Eden Lake is a terrible film, though. Should I assume sarcasm on St. Eddie's part ?

St_Eddie

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on August 13, 2018, 12:05:23 PM
Eden Lake is a terrible film, though. Should I assume sarcasm on St. Eddie's part ?

No, you should not.  I thought both Eden Lake and Donkey Punch were terrible films upon my first viewing too.  However, subsequent viewings have endeared them to me and now I think they're very effective thrillers.

BlodwynPig


St_Eddie

Quote from: BlodwynPig on August 13, 2018, 12:18:18 PM
So bad, I watched them twice.

As bad as I thought that they were the first time around on DVD, there were moments that stuck with me, so I decided to give them another go, when they were shown on TV.  I'm glad that I did.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

What is it that makes the ludicrously unrealistic and unpleasant Eden Lake improve upon a second viewing ?  Do the couple say to each other " actually, this place isn't all that, is it ? Those kids are annoying, too. Come on, let's fuck off to somewhere decent. ". Does Michael Fassbinder think to himself " Actually, I'd better not casually saunter into this blokes house and have a mooch about, That's actually trespassing, innit ? "  That sort of thing ?