Author Topic: friend committed murder-suicide  (Read 4727 times)

friend committed murder-suicide
« on: August 09, 2018, 10:25:39 PM »
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6979007/picture-husband-wife-jumped-to-his-death/

literally round that flat a week ago watching a film with them both

my brain is on fire over this. fuck fuck fuck

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2018, 10:31:28 PM »
Have you got someone nearby/ in the area for support?

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #2 on: August 09, 2018, 10:33:27 PM »
Are you likely/in a position to be called in for questioning?  I mean from an info gathering point of view rather than as a suspect, of course.  It's just that the article mentions "previous incidents", so presumably one of them had issues of some description?

EDIT - also, as icehaven says, if it's fucking with you that much, get in touch with the police anyway and they should have some form of support facility.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #3 on: August 09, 2018, 10:38:16 PM »
Fucking hell that's horrific, don't know what to say but really sorry to hear that, totally understandable that it's hard to process, especially if things seemed fine before.  I'd echo what icehaven and SGN said - pretty sure there'd be support available for something like that.

Serious advice, don't read the comments.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #4 on: August 09, 2018, 10:39:43 PM »
Tried talking to my parents but my dad's really not good for this kind of thing - very much shaking head in disapproval and disbelief, with both parents just asking about the degree to which I might have been able to tell whether he was psychotic (or not) and about the department of the uni he worked in. It's so weird reading comments like "Another abusive relationship which ended in death" b/c he seemed so bloody kind and gentle and his wife seemed comfortable around him... but then I'd only really gotten to know him well over the last few months. About a month back we had (what felt like???) a conversation at the pub about how his wife's first boyfriend had been really abusive and that he had tried to be a careful, considerate boyfriend and then husband... and he told me about how he'd distanced himself from another male friend due to his misogyny and treatment of women. I know he had chronic insomnia and wouldn't sleep for many days on end and he said that this was really impacting his mental health... but he's become another fucking bloke who's murdered his deeply lovely wife. Christ.

Brundle-Fly

  • I'm so Avant-garden variety
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #5 on: August 09, 2018, 10:44:32 PM »
Good lord, that's a lot to process for you. Take good care of yourself. Their poor families. I wonder what tipped him over the edge?

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #6 on: August 09, 2018, 10:48:11 PM »
what film did you watch?

Bhazor

  • Are you rolling your own jelly babies in there?
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #7 on: August 09, 2018, 10:49:03 PM »
Fucking christ.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #8 on: August 09, 2018, 10:50:34 PM »
what film did you watch?

I'm very fond of you Blodders, but you are troubling me with your increased coldness/ironic detachment over the last few months... it was just a middling American comedy, not terrible, not great.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #9 on: August 09, 2018, 10:53:27 PM »
I just wondered if you'd been watching a dark film. Often before these things, normally happy go-lucky characters will start to take an interest in the darker side of things...listening to gloomy music, preferring edgy films.

biggytitbo

  • WHAT ABOUT THE GODDAM JAFFA CAKES ASSWIPE
    • theunredacted
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #10 on: August 09, 2018, 10:55:29 PM »
That is horrific. Did you have any inkling that something was wrong when you saw them?

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #11 on: August 09, 2018, 10:56:29 PM »
https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/helplines.htm

Might be something there? All the more appropriate sounding ones I noticed aren’t 24hrs, predictably. You’re presumably in the Suffolk area yourself - any other CaBers around?

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #12 on: August 09, 2018, 10:57:09 PM »
I just wondered if you'd been watching a dark film. Often before these things, normally happy go-lucky characters will start to take an interest in the darker side of things...listening to gloomy music, preferring edgy films.

ah I see. sorry. I'm just a bit on edge, man. You know I like you.

It was a very light film... he mostly seemed to watch things like Peep Show and other comedies.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #13 on: August 09, 2018, 10:57:51 PM »
That is horrific. Did you have any inkling that something was wrong when you saw them?

Sounds more like a manic episode...a sudden snap rather than an evolving descent into violence. Insomnia may have been a part of it. No point speculating of course.

My thoughts with you Gout and the friends' families.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #14 on: August 09, 2018, 11:01:39 PM »
Tried talking to my parents but my dad's really not good for this kind of thing - very much shaking head in disapproval and disbelief, with both parents just asking about the degree to which I might have been able to tell whether he was psychotic (or not) and about the department of the uni he worked in. It's so weird reading comments like "Another abusive relationship which ended in death" b/c he seemed so bloody kind and gentle and his wife seemed comfortable around him... but then I'd only really gotten to know him well over the last few months. About a month back we had (what felt like???) a conversation at the pub about how his wife's first boyfriend had been really abusive and that he had tried to be a careful, considerate boyfriend and then husband... and he told me about how he'd distanced himself from another male friend due to his misogyny and treatment of women. I know he had chronic insomnia and wouldn't sleep for many days on end and he said that this was really impacting his mental health... but he's become another fucking bloke who's murdered his deeply lovely wife. Christ.

Bloody hell, hope you're ok.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #15 on: August 09, 2018, 11:02:28 PM »
That is horrific. Did you have any inkling that something was wrong when you saw them?

His wife seemed a bit shy and distant maybe... but not uncomfortable around him as far as I could tell. We shared some jokes and she hung around when we watched the film. He talked quite intensely about how toxic he found his work environment and I agreed that I also found one of his co-workers would make me feel demeaned/bullied after exchanges with them. I know he was suffering a lot with insomnia and had taken some time off work to deal with that and the depression caused - in his view - by his working environment.

... I think maybe I've gotten so used to having lots of friends with mental health problems that I didn't appreciate how bad things were with him. He was a new friend - we'd only really hung out properly on two or three occasions over the last two or three months, otherwise just chatting at work. I was really looked forward to getting to know him and his wife better...

The last thing I recommended to him was Nathan For You, which he found really funny and said he was going to watch more of, while he encouraged me to watch more John Oliver. That was literally how down-to-earth/mundane our last email exchange about a week-and-a-half back was.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #16 on: August 09, 2018, 11:04:47 PM »
I'm going to chat to my sister about it. I wish my parents were more supportive but they just don't get mental health issues, sadly. I'd love to talk to my best friend about it but - bless him - he's still psychotic and unwell enough that he might find a way to relate it to himself b/c he'd find hearing about it so distressing. So, I don't want to tell him about it.

Buelligan

  • STOP being afraid
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #17 on: August 09, 2018, 11:06:34 PM »
Just hold fast gouty, it's all a person can do at a time like this.  Hold fast and abide until you hit smoother waters.  I am so very, very, sorry.  Something similar happened in my life five years ago, I know how completely headfucking it is.  Steer clear of booze, drugs and arseholes is my advice and abide.  PM me if you think it'd help but I did say, steer clear of arseholes.  Hug.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #18 on: August 09, 2018, 11:06:38 PM »
If you need a sympathetic ear, feel free to call the Samaritans on 116 123. They're happy to help people through any crisis, not just people in immediate danger of harming themselves.

alan nagsworth

  • humming hell of ditties
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #19 on: August 09, 2018, 11:08:11 PM »
I just wondered if you'd been watching a dark film.

load of rubbish. nothing stopping you from being more elaborate in your original post, but you weren't, on purpose

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #20 on: August 09, 2018, 11:11:13 PM »
I don't have much to say other than this sounds awfully shit. It's not even comprehendable. My heart goes out to you gout.

Bhazor

  • Are you rolling your own jelly babies in there?
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #21 on: August 09, 2018, 11:12:50 PM »
Fucking christ.

I spent 15 minutes staring at the reply box and that's all I could think to write. I can't even begin to imagine what this must be like for you. Do you have mutual friends with the girl friend? Know her family at all?

Small Man Big Horse

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Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #22 on: August 09, 2018, 11:16:07 PM »
So sorry to hear this Gout_Pony, my thoughts are with you at what must be a horrendous time. I really hope there are people you can reach out to if you need to talk. I'd be happy to be one of them in the morning if you want to, I wish I could talk now but have taken sleep meds and am struggling to keep my eyes open.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #23 on: August 09, 2018, 11:25:30 PM »
So sorry to hear this Gout_Pony, my thoughts are with you at what must be a horrendous time. I really hope there are people you can reach out to if you need to talk. I'd be happy to be one of them in the morning if you want to, I wish I could talk now but have taken sleep meds and am struggling to keep my eyes open.

Thanks SMBH. That might be nice. I may actually call Samaritans tonight. I think it'll help settle my brain a bit. x

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #24 on: August 09, 2018, 11:31:53 PM »
load of rubbish. nothing stopping you from being more elaborate in your original post, but you weren't, on purpose

That's some nasty supposition there.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #25 on: August 09, 2018, 11:35:14 PM »
Thanks SMBH. That might be nice. I may actually call Samaritans tonight. I think it'll help settle my brain a bit. x

Yep do it, just a 20 minute chat with them completely talked me down a few years ago when I was in a state. It does help.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #26 on: August 09, 2018, 11:57:58 PM »
Stay safe gout. Don't analyse the 'if' and 'why' by yourself otherwise you'll do your head in.

Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #27 on: August 10, 2018, 12:21:19 AM »
Very sorry to hear, I know those flats, lived with my ex in Ipswich as her family are there. Yeah keep head strong as best you can, don't go to work unless you need to, and as said above you had no control, people just go berserk without any obvious signs.

Lemming

  • I'm becoming the Fuhrer - the Fuhrer of laughs
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #28 on: August 10, 2018, 12:26:19 AM »
No idea what to say, other than to echo Bhazor's "fucking christ".

Definitely talk to people, anyone on this forum will be glad to help you however we can.

manticore

  • 'nut with really wacky opinions'
Re: friend committed murder-suicide
« Reply #29 on: August 10, 2018, 12:29:42 AM »
Thanks SMBH. That might be nice. I may actually call Samaritans tonight. I think it'll help settle my brain a bit. x

The Samaritans can be so brilliant at times like this, as a lot of us here know. To settle your brain a bit, exactly. They've done that for me.