Best Review System (Revolutionary)

[Kelvin]

Your rating system is shameful.

[chveik]

Wrong subforum

[popcorn]

This is a good system I reckon.

[The Boston Crab]

As you can see from my response to Z on the Firewatch review, every one of these grades is perfectly considered and I'll be happy to debate individual grades in any column for any game. Lots of general feedback at the this point but very little to dissuade me that this isn't the best way to determine not only which games are the best but also to determine how to spend your money and time as both a hardcore fan of a genre or as a laygamer.

I sometimes think of a game, ascribe three grades and then realise I've already reviewed it - and given it an identical grade! Shows just how robust it this system is. Quite a few more requests come in via PM I'm glad to say so if you want your favourite game or series (or any game) reviewed, please do drop me a note, preferably in this thread to build up even more momentum, or via PM if you're shy. Lot of lurkers getting in touch, particularly, which is always good to see.

[popcorn]

Could you take ten games and average them up?

[The Boston Crab]

I don't understand the request, sorry, unless you mean you give me a list of ten games and I give them an overall grade for each of the three grading columns? Yes, I can do that quite easily if you give me the ten games.

[popcorn]

Why don't you cut to the chase and average up all the games?

That should give us the final answer about games.

[The Boston Crab]

D / E / B

Games are bad. I think worse. Numbskulls covet gruel.

[popcorn]

The correct answer. So... this isn't a joke thread. Impressive.

[The Boston Crab]

In terms of my own personal taste, since I have an excellent instinct for what is actually good, I can provide a summative average for the games I personally play as follows:

A / A+ / D

On the whole, I am enthusiastic, even overly enthusiastic, about the games I play, almost none of which I could recommend in good faith to anyone.

[Hecate]

since I have an excellent instinct for what is actually good

But you like ikaruga and think breath of the wild is the best zelda, and who the hell gives stardew valley a fucking E?

I like your system, I just don't think you're the best man to wield it.
I think you need to step back, give your system to the people, you're in danger of tainting it with your ego.

[The Boston Crab]

I would be absolutely delighted if the people took this on, I'm not asking for anything, even an acknowledgement, I'm just trying to help everyone definitively say 'this is or isn't a good game' to make every pub argument last night one second.

As much as I like Ikaruga and I am the undisputed appointed Ichimen Bancho of Ikaruga of this subforum, I still have the dignity and awareness to only grant it an 'A' grade for genre as everyone knows it's really some bullshit Match 3 in disguise.

BotW is a bad Zelda but an amazing game called Zelda, and the best open world collectathon wander around looking at stuff game (a largely shit genre) because its physics and elemental stuff and mechanical stuff is blah blah blah.

Stardew Valley is going to be excellent when I'm in a retirement home, along with Kirby.

[Hecate]

Hmmmm, alright, that makes sense, carry on.

[Kelvin]

I like the way Bosto is gradually turning this subforum into an episode of Seinfeld, filled with back references and hair brained schemes. Looking forward to the big payoff at the end of the season (his next flounce?)

[Twed]

There are individual 80s Madonna songs that are better than the entire Animal Collective discography.

Madonna: A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+ / A+
Animal Collective: C-

I'd say F but C- is fair, it acknowledges that Animal Collective are trying their best.

[The Boston Crab]

Thanks, Hecster  Gotta be honest, I'm backed the fuck up with all the PM review requests, if anyone wants to make use of the review format and knock out a few grades for themselves in this thread.

What about the first ten shmups which come to mind or roguelites?

Or anyone for top ten FIFAs?


Kelv, hoping to build this subforum up to take over the giant mound of crap that is General Bullcrap and I appreciate all the help. I am nothing but a cog here but I'll keep turnin.

[The Boston Crab]

There are individual 80s Madonna songs that are better than the entire Animal Collective discography.

I'm a big Madonna fan but if you're going to make a claim like that, you'd best PROVE it with the Best Review System.

[Twed]

It is good that you are around.

I'm a big Madonna fan but if you're going to make a claim like that, you'd best PROVE it with the Best Review System.

Please check edit. It's my own interpretation of your system because I can't be bothered to read your doggerel.

[The Boston Crab]

Gotta be honest I don't know what doggerel means but I know it's related to protocol. I set it all out in the OP to be honest but just do your best is fine.

[Z]

I would probably only put Edith Finch above Firewatch in this blossoming genre but because there are enough examples of the form, I can see how every single 'walking simulator' (or whatever) is lacking in some area and therefore I believe that the genre-defining example is yet to come. It's my experience, knowledge and skill as a reviewer which gives me this foresight, as well as the relative infancy of walking sims. The first genuine S class is yet to come, my dear boy.

I'd say as far as innovation goes, Edith Finch had to resort to a kind of anthology mini-game bullshittery to provide a fresh experience. A series of gimmicks, some very very well executed but only one that pulled off anything truly impressive on its own. The innovation of Firewatch comes from smaller things that other developers can actually learn from right now.

Yes, I am taking this far too seriously.

[The Boston Crab]

Not at all. I'm right with you in seriousness.

I do think that Firewatch is superb and I'm always going to defend its ending, which is far more satisfying in how unsatisfying it is. It feels real and painful, kind of like looking up an old flame and realising that not only has she moved on, but who she is now and how she looks and behaves taints the wonderful memories you held. That's life, that's real. I think Firewatch nails that emotional grey area better than anything in the genre and better than almost any game I've played. On the other hand, it also very much plays the Gone Home rug pull card at least twice which I found a bit cheap, and although it served the central relationship to some extent, it was more directly manipulative towards the player. While I loved the art design and atmosphere, I didn't think much of the map design or traversal and there were times when I found the backtracking a bit unnecessary, especially as the game would arbitrarily rip control from you to wind the calendar forwards in quite a disconcerting and disassociative way. It pulled me right out of the game too often.

I agree about the gimmicky nature of Edith Finch but I'd say that a good five or six of the stories and characters were either affecting or delightfully creative. It's not as cohesive as Firewatch but I think it's more innovative and reaches higher highs.

[The Boston Crab]

Just pushing out a little more reviews here for the compendium, lots of Neo Geo requests setting my inbox alight but I'll try to get a few of the deeper cuts in there, too.

Real Bout Fatal Fury 2 B- / C+ / C
Waku Waku 7 C+ / B- / C-
Samurai Shodown IV C / D- / C-
Shock Troopers C+ / C / B
Blazing Star B / B / B+
Magical Drop 3 C / C+ / C
Rainbow Islands B- / C / B
Robotron 2084 B / A / C+
PES 18 A / C+ / A
Podd S+ / C- / A+
TLOU Left Behind S / A+ / A
Bioshock B+ / B / A
Journey S+ / S / B
Elite S- / D / C+
Monkey Island 2 S / B+ / B+
Roland On The Ropes D / E / E+
Espgaluda B+ / A / B
Street Fighter E+ / E / D+
Actua Soccer 2 C+ / B+ / C
Super Mario Bros 2 C+ / B / B+
I Am Setsuna D+ / C- / D
Point Blank 2 A+ / C / A
TMNT: Arcade A / B / A+
The Unfinished Swan B+ / B / C-
Robocod C- / D / C
Don't Die Mr Robot DX B+ / C- / C
Uncharted 4 A+ / B / A+
Skool Daze S+ / E / D+
Neo Turf Masters B- / B / A-
VOEZ S- / A- / B
Flinthook B- / C+ / D+
Ketsui S / S / C
Resident Evil 5 D+ / D / B
Track and Field A+ / C / A
Danmaku Unlimited 3 B / A+ / C-

[The Boston Crab]

I challenge anyone to take any of the games reviewed, put them side-by-side and disagree with any single grade.

[chveik]

How do you find the time to play all these games?

[The Boston Crab]

I'm digging deep into the last 33 years of playing games. My first was Harrier Attack on the CPC464, and my most recent was Splatoon 2 today on the Switch. I also work away quite a bit, lots of train journeys and hotel rooms and it's better than sitting at a bar and I also work from home sometimes and sometimes just do my work by lunchtime and play games in the afternoon, or vice versa. Also I don't even bother playing mostllong games for more than a few hours because I can make a very accurate judgement very quickly.

[bgmnts]

I genuinely think every review made here is wrong.

[The Boston Crab]

What about putting your money where your mouth is mouthing off from?

I'd love to see or hear some of your own reviews with this format.

Don't worry, it's idiot-proof.

[bgmnts]

What about putting your money where your mouth is mouthing off from?

I'd love to see or hear some of your own reviews with this format.

Don't worry, it's idiot-proof.

I don't review games.

[The Boston Crab]

Touché.

[Penfold]

Dear TBC,

I have recently been buying old Xbox 360 games that take my fancy and are under £5. Please review my recent purchases.

The Godfather II
Pure
Tenchu Z
Enslaved: Odyssey to the West

I understand you are busy but I would appreciate a response at your earliest convenience so I know I didn't waste £10.50.

Kind regards,

PF