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Marissa Kane, Explains...

Started by dekionplexis, February 21, 2004, 10:29:20 PM

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dekionplexis

Sex.

CUE: Trina Ft Tweet - No Panties

Hello guys, it's me, ex-porn star Marisa Kane, you've probably seen me in 'Black Anal Ninja Bitches VII', I was the one getting shit on by those midgets.

I've been in the sex industry for the last 10 years, I retired from 'erotic cinema' last year, where I organised the 'Worlds Biggest Bukkake Suicide', you've probably seen those mpegs floating around. It was sooooooo sexy, 300 hot n horny, n well hung guys, all with their heads in a noose, jacking off allllll over my tits, face, n bushy flange. So sexy.

Sex, can be woooooonderful, just as long as the guy knows what he's doin', but most don't. One time, I've had to ask a fella THREE times to stick his foot in my ass, I mean, come on guys....admittedly, I was up HIS ass with a strap-on at the time, but if you can't be nimble, then just don't bother fool.

Talking of nimble, I remember the time I was in the 'lotus position' with three cocks in my ass, two in my pussy, one in each hand, and eight in my mouth, so sexy. I think that was for 'The Gangbangs Of New York', but I could be wrong.

Anyway guys, here's some pointers from your Auntie Kane;

1) Always be aggressive, there's nothing worse than a guy who doesn't know how to fuck hard, I mean, if I wasn't after a good fuckin', why the fuck would I be here in the first place nigga? What I love, is when a guy beats me a bit with some furniture about the face n elbows, so sexy. N if he got a pinewood table, I'm half way there already.

2) Fuck foreplay. I'm after dick nigga. If I wanted my pussy licked I'd buy a pitbull, you know what I'm sayin'? Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

3) Be adventurous. I remember the time I had three lemmings in my ass, while two guys fucked each of eyes, so sexy. Never be afraid to ask for what you want, chances are ya bitch is after the same things. I remember a time, I think it was for 'Baby Batter - Volumes 2', the director axed me I was willing to have Jenna Jameson fuck me in the ass with a baby, I said 'Shit no nigga', but then he grabbed a Chippendale foot-stool, n well, the rest is porno history.

4) Eat yo egg-whites. A bitch like me loooooooves spunk, so sexy. There be nothing worse than some guy comin in ya ear, n it be dribblin' out like diarrohea, which incidentally, don't taste as bad as people be sayin'. So, keep that jizz thick, n for god sake guys, when you be jerkin', use both feet.

5) Don't be afraid of anal. Some guys don't like the idea of fuckin' they bitch in they ass, I say, 'Fuck dat'. I don't know any girl, that don't like they 'liver shifted'. The best thing to do is try it out on a chicken first, if you don't be liking that, then there aint no hope for ya, ya limp dicked mofo.

That be all for now, but if you be wantin' to learn more, then please check out my website. I will be commin to the UK in June, we don't have any exact dates yet, as I'm making this all up, but I will in Trafalgar Square next Tuesday where I'll be attempting the world record for 'The Most Pidgeons To Eat Tuna From A Bitches Ass'. See you there honey chil'.

M.K.

Mister Six

Surely "Marisa Explains it All"?

Anyway, as in previous threads: stop throwing out random obscenities in the hope that they'll be amusing. They're not.

And why does she suddenly start talking like Dr. Dre after point 1? She wasn't speaking like that before.

Hairy Chin

I read it with more the voice of Eve than Dre. In my head, obviously - I didn't read it out loud in the voice of a black lady rapper. I'd be quite impressed if I did though.

Er...word...and so forth.