Author Topic: The Great British Bake-Off 2018  (Read 5449 times)

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« on: August 28, 2018, 11:13:08 AM »
*PAGING PIJLSTAART*

It's back, tonight at 8pm:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-45248320

The contestants include a research scientist and a banker, which I think is obligatory now. There is a techno DJ and one guy who owns an allotment and a microbrewery, but it's not clear if there are any real hipsters this year.

Ruby, Manon and Imelda will probably be getting most of Paul Hollywood's unwelcome attention. He's back on the market now, you lucky ladies...


Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #1 on: August 28, 2018, 08:35:48 PM »
Wagon Wheels? Urgghh, I hate marshmallow. Another year I won't be baking along with the show, probably.

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #2 on: August 28, 2018, 08:41:33 PM »
In love with the French girl.

BlodwynPig

  • Throwing two dogs at a goblin
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #3 on: August 28, 2018, 08:42:20 PM »
In love with the French girl.

Where did you two meet?

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #4 on: August 28, 2018, 08:50:18 PM »
Oh no Manon, Prue'n'Paul don't like matcha (but they are very wrong).

Terry's moulded brandy snap face is a nice little innovation. It is also a little bit terrifying.

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #5 on: August 28, 2018, 08:54:13 PM »
Where did you two meet?
The London Eye or as she called it, the "wheely ride".

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2018, 08:56:10 PM »
"That's not a baby, Dan. More like a baby's arm."

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #7 on: August 28, 2018, 09:00:30 PM »
"Looks like a massive... prawn..."

DolphinFace

  • Put it in me
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2018, 09:10:58 PM »
I know its frowned upon but Ruby is banging. Who do the ladies fancy? Jon?

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2018, 09:15:53 PM »
Once again the producers have forgotten to put any male totty in. Or maybe Dan is supposed to be a DILF.

Paul Hollywood of all people calling Rahul's face "chubby" was a bit rich.

DolphinFace

  • Put it in me
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #10 on: August 28, 2018, 09:36:22 PM »
Only on the Great British Menu would anyone ever say "sugar plum fairies" as a euphemism for "shit". Do the contestants self-style a type of cosyness to endear themselves?

DolphinFace

  • Put it in me
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2018, 10:13:34 PM »
Also, the quality of the baking seemed REALLY poor throughout the programme but, I thought the level of artistry in the show-stopper was great. Especially the French girl! She's going to win the thing isn't she; like she actually knows what she's doing compared to everyone else. Someone couldn't even make lemon curd and he's through.

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #12 on: August 28, 2018, 10:39:33 PM »
"sugar plum fairies" as a euphemism for "shit".

That made me feel a little bit nauseous too..

Someone couldn't even make lemon curd and he's through.

That's nothing, last year Sophie couldn't actually bake bread and she won...

Twed

  • I need you so, Medieval Zone, you don't need me
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #13 on: August 29, 2018, 03:38:50 AM »
I hope Kim-Joy achieves her lifelong dream of becoming a brand.

AsparagusTrevor

  • Member
  • **
  • I'm fine, thank you.
    • My DeviantArt page
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #14 on: August 29, 2018, 09:45:41 AM »
Terry made an edible death mask and Dan apparently adopted the baby from Eraserhead.

I've got Manon Manon in the work sweepstake so there's no chance she'll win.

Fambo Number Mive

  • Golden Member
  • *****
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #15 on: August 29, 2018, 10:38:28 AM »
Only on the Great British Menu would anyone ever say "sugar plum fairies" as a euphemism for "shit". Do the contestants self-style a type of cosyness to endear themselves?

I presume this didn't come up in an "Can you keep an eye on  my oven, Mel/Sue while I go for a sugar plum fairy" or Paul spitting some baked food across the tent so it lands on a baker's head and shouting "THIS TASTES LIKE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY".

Or Pru shouting from off camera "Just having a sugar plum fairy"

Uncle TechTip

  • Take that fucking avatar down. It's horrible.
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #16 on: August 29, 2018, 11:33:02 AM »
Only on the Great British Menu would anyone ever say "sugar plum fairies" as a euphemism for "shit". Do the contestants self-style a type of cosyness to endear themselves?

Ssh, there are significant numbers of children watching! (I assume you slipped and meant Bake Off, otherwise that boringly serious professional affair on BBC2 just got a bit weirder)

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #17 on: August 29, 2018, 12:26:38 PM »
I presume this didn't come up in an "Can you keep an eye on  my oven, Mel/Sue while I go for a sugar plum fairy" or Paul spitting some baked food across the tent so it lands on a baker's head and shouting "THIS TASTES LIKE SUGAR PLUM FAIRY".

Or Pru shouting from off camera "Just having a sugar plum fairy"

This tastes like a hungover pig sugar plum fairied in my mouth, you croissant. What is wrong with you?

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #18 on: August 29, 2018, 12:53:29 PM »
That's nothing, last year Sophie couldn't actually bake bread and she won...

These types of shows on the Beeb have form, though - remember Peter who won Masterchef who didn't know what butterscotch sauce was let alone make it, couldn't cook eggs and then turned the fucking prize down when he won?  Utter bellend.  Everyone knows Digger Dean should've won that series.

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #19 on: August 29, 2018, 01:07:05 PM »
Digger DRIVER Dean

Stop getting Masterchef wrong!

Shit Good Nose

  • Several bags of balls
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #20 on: August 29, 2018, 01:10:52 PM »
Dunno what you're on about, I'm talking about this guy https://twitter.com/deansrv?lang=en

(I'm not)

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #21 on: August 30, 2018, 11:04:24 AM »
Remember when Sandi Toksvig started a political party, that was only a couple of years ago. Jesus. Toksvig/fielding skits awful, but at least he has muscled through his emo phase.

One in full geisha makeup reminds me of a fimble... is it a fimble? Some children's tv thing. Hope she leaves early because the stuff that pops into my head isn't going to age well. Just pretend she isn't there, like a sad clown painting in an elderly relative's hallway, don't address it. Can't believe she's ever improved anyone's mental health.

One named his kids Barnaby and Constance, bad life choices. His voice goes sing-songy when he gets nervous. Very weak eyebrows too. Sweaty. He's a problem.

Rahul didn't make 24 signature biscuits, he made one big fuck-off biscuit and cut it up, should be slung out on his ear for that. Slung out on his chubby face.

Lot of blandness, some bland people. Irish woman looks irish. Welsh man looks welsh. DJ man gives off strong cocaine vibes. I like Ruby purely on bluntness, blunt and cackhanded, not even going down the alluring misogyny lane with that. Entertaining.
Antony shouted "Poo!" when Paul complimented his biscuit. French woman has wrist tattoo, and massive bum, there's the misogyny.

Moustache man a Lib Dem, doesn't matter who he votes for, still a Lib Dem. Reminds me of Bill Oddie for some reason, insufferable. Can easily picture him snapping at other passengers on a long car ride. Reckon he's a regular on antiques roadshow and all the old horseshoes and clothes irons he digs up turn out to be worthless.

Final challenge a great one, create a biscuit effigy of yourself. I'd be terrified of a biscuit Pijlstaart, I think it would try to usurp me, it would trap me in the biscuit world so it could live free in the regular world. Real hateful caricatures, but they did it themselves.

AsparagusTrevor

  • Member
  • **
  • I'm fine, thank you.
    • My DeviantArt page
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #22 on: August 30, 2018, 01:09:03 PM »
One in full geisha makeup reminds me of a fimble... is it a fimble? Some children's tv thing.

It's a sewing thing, I dunno if they use them on kids TV also.

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #23 on: August 30, 2018, 01:18:03 PM »
One in full geisha makeup reminds me of a fimble... is it a fimble? Some children's tv thing. Hope she leaves early because the stuff that pops into my head isn't going to age well. Just pretend she isn't there, like a sad clown painting in an elderly relative's hallway, don't address it. Can't believe she's ever improved anyone's mental health.

If she half-Japanese or is she cultural appropriation?

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #24 on: August 31, 2018, 09:10:23 AM »
I really love Terry the Tache. I was nearly in tears at the thought of him leaving. Glad he got himself back in it with that genius monstrosity of a face.

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #25 on: September 04, 2018, 11:04:37 PM »
"...when you get inside and then you do hit that cherry..."

"Oooh, that's a full bag..."

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #26 on: September 04, 2018, 11:25:06 PM »
After"Oh... sugar plum fairies!" we have a bleep over Manon's "f**ked off".









I like Manon.

Blue Jam

  • Spunky McFuckface
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #27 on: September 04, 2018, 11:29:24 PM »
"You've only got a few minutes in which to get it on"

Dex Sawash

  • Silver Member
  • ****
  • Upph√§ngningspunkterna
Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #28 on: September 15, 2018, 02:56:11 AM »
I try not to let Manon charm me and I fail each week.

Re: The Great British Bake-Off 2018
« Reply #29 on: September 16, 2018, 02:30:23 AM »
Feel desperately sorry for Rahul. In his 'Rahul at home' segment, he had to pretend to be the member of a gym one week, despite clearly never having been there before. Then the next, he had to pretend he goes and bakes for the receptionist or some shit. Poor boy has no friends :(

Obviously, I'm also in love with Manon. Week one, I thought there was something really dark behind that smile but I think she actually just seems nice.

Kim-Joy hilarious. Of course her boyfriend is the oldest ever employee of a comic book shop. I love arsily announcing to my girlfriend how she'll skew her Bakewell Tart to be Japanese or whatever. Week one, with the selfie exercise, I wondered if she was just really shit at baking and wore all the make-up as an elaborate cover for her broad strokes self portrait...

For me it's moustache guy to go next - he's just so dull. At least the other ones are funny or good to hate.