Men who use dogs as an excuse to walk in public

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

Now I'm a big fan of dogs, animals in general, but's it's plainly obvious that most men have a pet dog so they have an excuse to get out of the house. It's an excuse to go for a walk without looking like a weirdo.

Whilst it's a win-win situation for both dog and man, it does compound solo-walking 'weirdness'. Also some of these men insist on buying vicious hounds because it makes them look like they're not to be messed with, and not a willy woofter.

It's not an ideal situation but it's where we are.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FfQ9eIsgqvE

[Barry Admin]

I knew what that video was going to be.

I always have a lead out of my phone, going into a battery pack in my pocket. I'm usually engrossed in my phone, and sometimes pull out a secondary phone and do stuff on that. Sometimes my cat follows me as I walk around the estate. I don't really care how weird it looks, mostly as I'm far too engaged with my activity.

Walking is a superb thing to do, if people need a dog - or you think they do - then crack on with it.

[bgmnts]

The idea of walking is so perverse I love it.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

Tag / Walking Thread / Tag

Yeah, I know, I know.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I think people get dogs for some form of companionship. That may include walking, but I don't think it's the main reason.

[biggytitbo]

They'll lick stuff off your balls too.

[Barry Admin]

The idea of walking is so perverse I love it.

Do you really not bother?

[the]

Sometimes my cat follows me as I walk around the estate. I don't really care how weird it looks, mostly as I'm far too engaged with my activity.

Play a piccolo as you go, then people will just assume you're the local pussy magnet cat charmer.

But yep, dog walkers are just desperate for some 'accidentally-on-purpose' social interaction. Poppy!! Poppy leave that man alone! I'm sorry, come here Poppy. She's not usually like this _{please talk to me}

Inner city dog-walkers are more honest. Come out of the flats, amble to the grassy strip outside, let it shit while you stand staring at your phone, then back inside after 5 minutes. Didn't even need to cross a road.

Edit: or indeed walk

[Shit Good Nose]

Sounds like a shit rom-com cliche, but it's true - a friend of mine met her now husband whilst they were out walking their dogs.

[Neville Chamberlain]

I was once questioned by a couple of German policeman when I was out for a walk in a forest. They remarked that I looked suspicious because I wasn't walking a dog, wasn't jogging, wasn't cycling, wasn't inline skating and wasn't using special walking sticks. I was just a man. Out for a walk.

[pancreas]

These single men should pair up. One could put on a dog costume and the other walk them around on a lead. When the dog men meet each other they can sniff each other's arses—which, after all, is what all men secretly want to do to each other anyway.

Have I missed anything? No, I think that's all that needs to be said.

[the]

I was once questioned by a couple of German policeman when I was out for a walk in a forest. They remarked that I looked suspicious because I wasn't walking a dog, wasn't jogging, wasn't cycling, wasn't inline skating and wasn't using special walking sticks. I was just a man. Out for a walk.

If you were in Holland, you could've said "Hey, I just vander valk!" _{but you weren't}

[biggytitbo]

I was once questioned by a couple of German policeman when I was out for a walk in a forest. They remarked that I looked suspicious because I wasn't walking a dog, wasn't jogging, wasn't cycling, wasn't inline skating and wasn't using special walking sticks. I was just a man. Out for a walk.

What were the policeman doing in the forest? Inspecting squirrels?

[Blumf]

Looking after a Springer Spaniel at the moment and I'm pretty sure it's a masochist pervert, always trying to choke itself on it's lead. Makes me feel dirty after a walk.

[Urinal Cake]

There seems to be an anti-dog owner theme today. #Notalldogowners

[Bhazor]

Walkings for homosexuals and the unemployed. I move by controlled oscillation. Like that Labo RC car.


Gets the lasses well humid when they see me out on a wednesday night vibrating diagonally into the road.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

But yep, dog walkers are just desperate for some 'accidentally-on-purpose' social interaction. Poppy!! Poppy leave that man alone! I'm sorry, come here Poppy. She's not usually like this _{please talk to me}

Of course, I forgot to mention the interaction perks. There's three young lads close by and they live in a house together. Each of them has a cute dog and they go walking around separately, presumably looking for action. All power to them, it's a shrewd move.

What were the policeman doing in the forest?

Probably Special Branch.

[bgmnts]

Do you really not bother?

A cat*

Fuck sake.

Although I genuinely struggle to find the motivation just to go for a walk, with no purpose.

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

This is literally the first time I have ever heard the assertion that going for a walk by yourself makes you look weird. Never ever had that thought. Have you made the whole thing up?

[im barry bethel]

Just buy a dog lead and amble across the common, all the social acceptability of being on the heath at 2am without the hassle of Winalot and picking up shit in a plastic bag

[the]

Of course, I forgot to mention the interaction perks excuse.

But all you're gonna do is attract another needy suburban fart wearing a smelly hair-covered fleece.

Can you imagine getting intimate with someone who lets a dog casually wander about their gaff? Must be like sniffing the carpet in the back of a Land Rover.

[poodlefaker]

Roger Deakin makes the same point in one of his books: that he feels he is considered odd for walking round his vaillage/local countryside just for the sake of it, without a dog. The only other people he sees out walking all have dogs.

[biggytitbo]

Just buy a dog lead and amble across the common, all the social acceptability of being on the heath at 2am without the hassle of Winalot and picking up shit in a plastic bag

Kevin Spacey had a dog lead with him when he was 'mugged' in that park.


On the subject of suspicious behaviour, it's always men walking their dogs that find the discarded corpses of local serial killers isn't it? Coincidence? I think not.

[paruses]

This is literally the first time I have ever heard the assertion that going for a walk by yourself makes you look weird. Never ever had that thought. Have you made the whole thing up?

The guy opposite me at work said that he and his wife have been out for a walk but then stop and think "we're just walking. what are we doing this for?"

I nodded in that sage way you do with colleagues and began making plans how never to speak to him again.

[Captain Z]

What were the policeman doing in the forest?

It's not unusual to see the copse whilst walking in the countryside.

[Better Midlands]

Probably Special Branch.

Good

It's not unusual to see the copse whilst walking in the countryside.

Better

[Bazooka]

What I don't understand about dog walking is that its faster to walk without a dog, waiting for it to sniff a discarded bottle bottle of Lucazade is not much. Running alongside a greyhound makes sense.

[Shit Good Nose]

And what I don't understand is does anyone ever think a man walking in public without a dog is doing anything other than walking to the shops to buy his snouts and pick up his subscription copy of Knave, or going to the bookies?

[gilbertharding]

We're not talking about walking to the shops, or any other kind of obviously purposeful transit (if there are shops near by - if you're in the country -  a small rucksack and walking boots serve as a fairly decent alibi if you are without a dog to walk).

It's the meandering laps of the park, where the only thing you could possibly be doing in the absence of a dog - in the eyes of a probably imaginary onlooker - is ogling the lovely young ladies in the sun, or worse.

There is a reason why it's called Dogging, after all.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I went for an evening stroll in the park last weekend after being cooped up cleaning my gaff all day. True story.