The wankest film idea ever conceived? Danny Boyle's Ed Sheeran Beatles thing

[goinggoinggone]

Yoko isn't in it.

I smiled...


Sorry it was only a smile, as I've been getting ready to go to Ireland tomorrow and I'm too tired to laugh.

[VelourSpirit]

Will it all be a coma dream at the end?

He wakes up from his coma... 28 days later.

[Bronzy]

He wakes up from his coma... 28 days later.

He wakes up a heroin-addicted Indian millionaire, who has his arm stuck in a rock.

His name? Steve Jobs.

[olliebean]

Disappointing (for me, but more especially for the person who owns the blog) that the film isn't an adaptation of this:

https://www.thebeatlesneverexisted.com/

Wait a minute: that blog used to have dozens of pages. And now it's just a front page. Hmmm...

http://web.archive.org/web/20180122160803/http://thebeatlesneverexisted.com/

A week later, it was gone.

[Jerzy Bondov]

Fuckin ell this looks truly dreadful dunnit

[famethrowa]

I certainly do hate Ed Corden and James Sheeran and their ilk, but hey I'd go see it. Certainly rather see Fabs songs and lore up on the big screen than another Transformers or murder mystery. Hell, I didn't even mind seeing a CGI giraffe(?) singing Golden Slumbers last year. Must admit I gave a silly grin as they showed the "mystery barefoot guest" in the trailer... hopefully Ed Sherrin will be in the movie for about 3 minutes, after which he can hop in his JCB and fuck off.

[VelourSpirit]

He wakes up a heroin-addicted Indian millionaire, who has his arm stuck in a rock.

His name? Steve Jobs.

'oh that's good how you're sitting at a desk typing on a computer'
'yeah it's like when tim berners lee did it in the 2012 olympics opening ceremony'
'in the what'
'... the 2012 olympics opening ceremony'
'dunno what you're on about mate. haha only joking just highlighting how trivial that kind of stuff feels now that we're in an apocalyptic nightmare world'
'oh haha, glad i didn't plagiarize the 2012 olympics ceremony then'
'why would you have done that'
'well it's like that beatles film isn't it, yesterday'
'what film'

[BlodwynPig]

I certainly do hate Ed Corden and James Sheeran and their ilk, but hey I'd go see it. Certainly rather see Fabs songs and lore up on the big screen than another Transformers or murder mystery. Hell, I didn't even mind seeing a CGI giraffe(?) singing Golden Slumbers last year. Must admit I gave a silly grin as they showed the "mystery barefoot guest" in the trailer... hopefully Ed Sherrin will be in the movie for about 3 minutes, after which he can hop in his JCB and fuck off.

Christ...just stick a cassette on of your favourite fucking Nursery Rhymes and have done. You only encourage this sort of shit.

[famethrowa]

Christ...just stick a cassette on of your favourite fucking Nursery Rhymes and have done. You only encourage this sort of shit.

I can't believe you've done this

[Bad Ambassador]

I certainly do hate Ed Corden and James Sheeran and their ilk, but hey I'd go see it. Certainly rather see Fabs songs and lore up on the big screen than another Transformers or murder mystery.

I know what you mean. You hardly turn around at the cinema without seeing another poster for a murder mystery. Those murder mystery cinematic universes are swamping everything else, with the movies, spin-off shows on Netflix, theme park rides and countless new murder mysteries published every month. I long for the olden days when it was all Viking adventures.

[BlodwynPig]

I can't believe you've done this

GASP... I will continue until you are personally offended, then I may apologise.

[BlodwynPig]

I know what you mean. You hardly turn around at the cinema without seeing another poster for a murder mystery. Those murder mystery cinematic universes are swamping everything else, with the movies, spin-off shows on Netflix, theme park rides and countless new murder mysteries published every month. I long for the olden days when it was all Viking adventures.

SpiderMarple
BatMorse
Iron Wexford
Bergerac

[thecuriousorange]

This is a bit like a film I already had an idea for. OK, bear with me on this and know that my idea isn't anti #metoo.

The year is 2150 and the historic works of celebrity sex predators in the fields of music, cinema, comedy etc have been lost to the sands of time. Songs, books and films created by problematic figures around the turn of the millennium were either banned or shunned in the woke awakening of wokeness in the 2010s. The world is a better place and is not, repeat NOT, a dystopian nightmare.

Yet pretty much the entire human race knows nothing of the songs of Gary Glitter and R Kelly, the movies of Roman Polanski, the gags either written by Graham Linehan or delivered with the timing of Bernard Manning.

So basically the protagonist happens upon this trove of forgotten material and decides to rip it off and get rich. The lyrics and sentiments are largely abhorrent but, with a bit of tweaking, he knows this stuff can be made palatable.

He starts by trying to just edit out the offensive (by 2150) bits, but so much filleting is necessary he decides it is easier to just re-shoot and re-record everything. He's declared a genius songwriter, comedian, singer, rapper and writer - a veritable polymath. But drunk on adulation and plaudits, he does too much too soon and runs out of good stuff after about a year. Unable to continue his white-hot run of success he becomes a penniless drunkard, pitied like a George-Best type who had it and lost it. He sets fire to the original copies of everything, then, lying alone in a rainy gutter, his dying wish is that nobody else ever gulps from the same poisoned chalice.

                                        FIN

[gilbertharding]

Now I'm wracking my brain to think what about I'm the Leader of the Gang will be objectively problematic in 2150, once it's shorn of the Gary Glitter baggage.

And now I'm picturing a dystopian hellscape where simple-minded boasting is thought to be 'a bit much'.

[mothman]

Thor: Bergerac

FTFY

[mothman]

Also, based on the number of people over in General Bullshit who've never heard of Ryan Adams or had forgotten he existed, I'm now wondering if Danny Boyle maybe missed a trick here...

[chveik]

I can't wait to see Gregg Turkington reviewing this.

[Chriddof]

http://web.archive.org/web/20180122160803/http://thebeatlesneverexisted.com/

That lot never seemed to understand that the same people can look very different in individual photographs, what with lighting, viewpoint, focus, etc. I get the feeling that they also believe the earth is flat.

[Replies From View]

TRAILER!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uqvgPm8U4c

ALL THOSE BEATLES COVERS IN ONE FILM MAN SO AWESOME

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

It's somehow going to end with yer man performing a triumphant concert accompanied by Sirs Paul and Ringo, isn't it?

Yer man's love interest will rush on to the stage and declare her undying love for the hapless Beatles plagiarist. Paul will turn wryly to Ringo and say, "Hey, maybe John was right. Love is all you need." Ringo tosses his drumsticks behind him and says, "Peace and love, now let's fuck off for a curry. George is buying!"

Cue closing credits scored to a massed battalion of twats singing Hey Jude.

[Replies From View]

We may finally get to see Paul and Ringo's cocks though.

They might do that thing where they stretch their foreskins out and use them to mouth "roll up for the Magical Mystery Tour".

[Wet Blanket]

That trailer suggests that James Corden drops the 'there's two people who claim to have wrote those songs' bombshell just after the lead guy has performed Something. so by rights those two people should be George Harrison and James Taylor.

[Bazooka]

I have been trying to stay more positive recently, avoiding YouTube unless its watching Vic and Bob, I had also quit smoking for a week( I started again) but damn this trailer is concrete proof, that you can determine a film is utter excrement based on a trailer alone.

[Phil_A]

We may finally get to see Paul and Ringo's cocks though.

They might do that thing where they stretch their foreskins out and use them to mouth "roll up for the Magical Mystery Tour".

Anyone interested in "Little Macca" should pay close attention during the Fool On The Hill sequence of MMT. Once u see it you'll shit brix, or something.

[olliebean]

That trailer suggests that James Corden drops the 'there's two people who claim to have wrote those songs' bombshell just after the lead guy has performed Something. so by rights those two people should be George Harrison and James Taylor.

One of them is barefooted, so that must be Macca because everyone knows he went around barefooted for 50 years after he died.

[Operty1]

Indeed, the one thing he was most popular for was going everywhere bare-footed.

Or has everyone forgotten that? Ahh!

It'll end up being one of those Mandella effect things, and in every picture ever, McCartney will indeed be bare foot, Shea Stadium - bare foot, rooftop concert - bare foot, video of Mull of Kintyre - bare foot. In fact he would of been bare foot except on the cover of Abbey Road. (poss sequel?)

Ironically, most people who watch this will be completely unaware of the whole Abbey Road bare foot thing anyway, and to a whole generation and on-wards, he will be known as the one who was always bare foot.

This bare foot thing is annoying me, who on Earth turns up any where bare foot? His feet would be filthy and covered in sores. Bah!

[Mister Six]

It'll be great if the blokes who claim to have written the songs turn out to be Liam and Noel Gallagher.

[BlodwynPig]

Whats the bare foot thing?

[Talulah, really!]

Ringo achieved his unique sound by operating the drum pedals with bare feet.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

Whats the bare foot thing?