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March 28, 2024, 11:31:05 AM

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The wankest film idea ever conceived? Danny Boyle's Ed Sheeran Beatles thing

Started by Thomas, August 31, 2018, 05:27:45 PM

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JamesTC

My calculations assumed 10 minutes per suck, if I remember correctly.

((((3,500,000,000 x 10)/60)/12)/365) = 133,181 years.

Unfortunately the world is actually close to 8 billion people. Or to put it in another way, the world is close to 4 billion penises.

popcorn

Quote from: JamesTC on August 27, 2021, 07:25:11 PM
I imagine that once the vaccines are done, they can repurpose the infrastructure for men getting sucked off.

Download the NHS App to register that you have been sucked off.

You have recently come into contact with someone who sucked off Ed Sheeran and you must self-isolate immediately

olliebean

The global population is rising by around 80 million per year, which means you'd have to suck off at least 75 men per minute, 24/7, just to keep up.

Replies From View

Quote from: Jerzy Bondov on August 25, 2021, 01:37:38 PM
If you look like Ed Sheeran, but also would suck Ed Sheeran off, you should just do a self suck. This would save you a great deal of travel expenses as Ed is an international superstar and can be hard to pin down. I hope this helps.

There should be a film where only one man remembers how to do a self suck

what if you look like ed sheeran, but you look down and it's like james cordons knob down there


the question i am asking is whether it would still be equal to sucking off ed sheeran

machotrouts

Quote from: JamesTC on August 27, 2021, 08:52:42 PM
My calculations assumed 10 minutes per suck, if I remember correctly.

My record is about 10 seconds (measured from first contact to "ah... oh god... sorry").

All of my favourite partners have been premature ejaculators, due to my large ego and small attention span.

Replies From View

what if you sucked off ed sheeran to such a degree that his entire knob just fell out

mothman

It would inspire his next album, Subtract.[nb]Or would it be Minus? Or just stylised as -?[/nb]

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notjosh

Quote from: JamesTC on August 25, 2021, 06:32:14 PM
I guess you could cut the time to such off every man in the world in half if you decide to suck two at once. Then it would only take 65,000 years.

Sucking off three men at once seems unrealistic.

Nothing to say you can't manually prep two while you're working on a third. Get a rhythm going and you might be able to cut suck time down to under a minute.

kalowski


JamesTC

Robots that suck your dick are the future. What is taking the boffins so long?

Quote from: notjosh on August 28, 2021, 11:03:59 AM
Nothing to say you can't manually prep two while you're working on a third. Get a rhythm going and you might be able to cut suck time down to under a minute.

A dick in the hand is worth two in the mouth, you might say.

imitationleather

Really doubt I'd be able to cum in under a minute if I had a queue comprising every single man on earth watching and waiting behind me.

imitationleather


kalowski

Quote from: imitationleather on August 28, 2021, 04:20:58 PM
Really doubt I'd be able to cum in under a minute if I had a queue comprising every single man on earth watching and waiting behind me.
That's the only way I can nowadays.

JamesTC

Quote from: imitationleather on August 28, 2021, 04:20:58 PM
Really doubt I'd be able to cum in under a minute if I had a queue comprising every single man on earth watching and waiting behind me.

They have medical curtains around for privacy. This has been thoroughly planned. When the time comes, do your bit and cum.

Ian Benson

Quote from: steve98 on August 27, 2021, 08:12:22 PM
For anyone who doubts my figures, I would refer them to my contribution to an earlier thread, where I successfully worked out how long it would take a wanker to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool with cum. (About 200 million years)

If you wanted to get this over and done with in a day, with Ed Sheeran somehow built into bottom of the olympic-sized pool so that only his face is exposed, how many wankers would you need (either taking it in turns to wank at the edge of the pool or flown over the pool attached to drones at the moment of climax)?

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There would need to be a silicone filler of some kind around his head to stop it all leaking away

olliebean

Would the spunk on its own be enough to keep him adequately fed, or would you have to toss an occasional handful of grapes in there for his 5-a-day?

Blumf

Quote from: olliebean on August 31, 2021, 10:42:59 AM
Would the spunk on its own be enough to keep him adequately fed, or would you have to toss an occasional handful of grapes in there for his 5-a-day?

Get the wanker to take a multi-vitamin before tugging?

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Quote from: Blumf on August 31, 2021, 12:59:25 PM
Get the wanker to take a multi-vitamin before tugging?

Exactly.  It doesn't matter if his stomach turns to shit as long as he is nutritionally sustained.  Remember this project needs to be affordable as well as fun.

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This is good now - it's giving me happy vibes, like thinking about the human centipede

mothman

This whole line of inquiry has become the new "Do Terminators have anuses?"

Dex Sawash


mothman

Perhaps when he finally brings out an album called "-" and known as "Minus" it'll be in a font that looks like "Anus."

JamesTC

If he wants to release an anus album then he just needs to call it *

mothman

Yeah but that's often the notation for Multiply and he's already done that.

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Division sign is meant to vaguely signify the topology of a lady's perineum and its local amenities, but it's unclear why a horizontal line is used.  A nice colourful circle around the zone would be perfectly fine.


What Ed Sheeran is playing at is anyone's guess.

Stoneage Dinosaurs


mothman