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Review Database (all formats)

Started by The Boston Crab, August 31, 2018, 10:02:22 PM

Previous topic - Next topic
Having discussed the reviewing system and concluded that it's as robust as it is concise, I'm happy to start putting it into practice (as requested via PM, over eighty at the last count).


Fry has been looking for a new game or two and he's individually been PMing me daily so he knows where to best invest his cash next  I appreciate the requests, quite frankly  and I do apologise that I've been a bit busy with work and fishing and iced grapes to really get stuck in any sooner. On that note, I'm going to review every game in my Switch library to get the ball rolling. Feel free to print it this out into a pamphlet.


Azure Reflections C / D+ / E- (maids/child witches)
Monster Hunter Generations Ultimate S+ / S / C-
Into the Breach S / ??? / C
Dead Cells A+ / A / B
Mario Tennis Aces B- / C+ / B-
Mario Kart 8 Deluxe S+ / S / S++
Okami HD A- / B+ / C (too arty for shit munchers)
Hyrule Warriors DX S+ / S / B+
Bayonetta 2 S+ / A / B-
Super Mario Odyssey S / S / S+
Octopath Traveler B- / C / C-
Donkey Kong Tropical Freeze A / B / C+
Rayman Legends A- / C+ / C (not iconic enough, kinda Gobots)
Splatoon 2 S++ / S / S
ARMS B / S- / B+
Fortnite A+ / B / S++ (used context to cheat)
Breath of the Wild S++ / S++ / S++ (not perfect but rating exposes the beauty of this system)
Paladins B+ / A / A-
Captain Toad A- / B / B
Hollow Knight A / C+ / B-
Street Fighter 30th AC S+ / S+ / S+
Ikaruga A- / S+ / A
Xenoblade Chronicles 2 B+ / B+ / B-
Danmaku Unlimited 3 B / B+ / C
The Binding of Isaac AB+ S++ / S++ / B-
Lumines Remastered S / A / B-
DOOM A- / C+ / A
Puyo Puyo Tetris A+ / B / B+
Super Meat Boy S+ / B- / C+
Skyrim S+ / S+ / S+
Minecraft S++ / B- / S++
1-2-Switch C / E / B+
Aero Fighters 2 C+ / C / D
Aero Fighters 3 C- / C+ / D+ (goofier than the others which people like)
Garou: MOTW A+ / A+ / B+
Last Resort D / E+ / D-
Magical Drop 3 B+ / C+ / C
Metal Slug B+ / C / C+
Metal Slug 3 B / C / C
Neo Turf Masters A- / B / B+ (scum elevates themselves)
Over Top E / E / E+
Pulstar D / E+ / D
Real Bout Fatal Fury Special B- / C+ / C+
Samurai Shodown 2 C / D / C+
Samurai Shodown 4 C- / D / C
Sengoku 3 S / A- / B
Shock Troopers B- / C- / C
Super Sidekicks D- / C / C+
KoF98 C / D- / B-
The Last Blade A- / B+ / C
The Last Blade 2 A- / B / C+
Waku Waku 7 C+ / B- / D (heathens)
Another World D / D / C-
VS Super Mario Bros B / D / A
Axiom Verge B- / E / D-
Bleed B- / C / C-
Butcher B- / C / C+
Bayonetta S+ / S+ / C-
Blaster Master Zero D / E / E
Blossom Tales C / C+ / C
Celeste S+ / S- / B-
Crypt of the Necrodancer S / E / D-
Darkest Dungeon B+ / D- / E
Detention C+ / C / E (racism)
Dimension Drive D+ / D / D
Don't Die Mr Robot DX A / C+ / D
Earth Atlantis E+ / E / E
Fast RMX B- / D / C+
FIFA 18 A- / B / S+
FM Touch 18 A / D / B+
Flinthook B / B- / D
Floor Kids C / E+ / C
Gunbarich A+ / A- / C-
Gunbird A- / B / C-
Gunbird 2 A- / B+ / C
GoNNER D / D- / E+
Gorogoa A+ / A / C- (people are too thick)
Graceful Explosion Machine C / C / C-
I Am Setsuna C- / C / D-
Iconoclasts B- / ??? / D
Jydge C / D / C
Jotun C / D- / D
Kamiko A / E / D
Kingdom C / E+ / E
Kirby Star Allies C+ / D- / D
Mighty Gunvolt Burst C / E+ / D-
Mario + Rabbids Kingdom Battle B- / D / A (cunts)
Mega Man Legacy Collection S / C / C-
Mr Shifty C / E+ / C
Mutant Mudds Collection ??? / ??? / ??? (pay for a coffee and just leave before it arrives)
NBA Playgrounds E+ / E / B+
NO THING S / F / D-
NeuroVoider C / C / C (avg game ever, the whole medium was a misstep)
Night in the Woods B / D- / D
Old Man's Journey ??? / ??? / ??? (bean and corned beef pastie - in the bin as you walkin out)
One Strike C / C+ / C
Owlboy C / D / C+
Oxenfree B+ / C- / D
Pocket Rumble D / D / D+
Pokemon Quest D- / E / B
RE Revelations 2 D+ / D- / C-
Rocket League S++ / A- / S
Rogue Aces D- / E / D-
Strikers 1945 C+ / C / C+
Strikers 1945 II C+ / C+ / C+
Samurai Aces C+ / C+ / C
Severed A+ / E / D
Shantae and the Pirate's Curse B / C- / C
Shantae Half Genie Hero B- / C / C+ (tits)
Shephy C / E / E
Shovel Knight Treasure Trove S / D / B+
Sky Force Reloaded D / C- / C
Slime-san B / C / D
Snake Pass B- / E / E+
Snipperclips A / D / B+
Sol Divide D- / C / E
Sonic Mania S / D / A+
Splasher B- / D / C-
Stardew Valley S+ / E / B-
Steam World Dig 2 B+ / B / C
Steredenn C+ / C+ / C-
Tengai A / A- / C
The Count Lucanor D- / E / E
The End Is Nigh D / E / D-
The Flame in the Flood B+ / D+ / D
The Mummy Demastered D / E- / C- (people love mummy)
Thimbleweed Park C+ / D / D-
Thumper B / B / E (music too complex for shit munchers)
Tumble Seed A / C / D-
VOEZ B- / C+ / D
Vostok Inc A- / D / B+
Wizard of Legend C+ / C+ / D+
Wonder Boy: The Dragon's Trap D / E+ / D
Yoku's Island Express C+ / D / B+
Ys VIII C / C / E+
forma.8 D / D- / E
Bleed 2 C+ / C+ / C+
Bulb Boy E+ / E+ / E
Cave Story+ C+ / D+ / C-
Dragon Blaze A- / A- / B+
Enter the Gungeon A / C+ / B+
Golf Story A- / C- / C
Just Shapes & Beats C+ / C / B+
Lego City Undercover C / E+ / C
Pac-Man CE 2+ B / B- / C-
Quest of Dungeons C / D+ / D
RXN -RAIXIN- C- / B+ / D
Super Bomberman R C+ / D+ / A
Sine Mora EX C- / C / C
Sparkle 2 Evo D / F / E
USF2 B / C+ / A
Wheels of Aurelia C- / C / E
World of Goo B- / D / C
Deemo C+ / B- / C
Monster Hunter XX S+ / D / ??? (nobody can read Japanese)
Pan-Pan E / E / E
Rive: Ultimate Edition D+ / D / C-
Oceanhorn D+ / D- / C+
Senran Kagura Reflexions A+ / E / A (pervs)
Zero Gunner 2 A- / A- / D-
Flip Wars E+ / E / C-
Picross S A / C+ / C
J.B. Harold's Manhattan Requiem D / A- / E
Disgaea 5 A / D / D-
Koi E / E / E+
Blazing Star A- / B+ / B


Don't waste your time or money. Print this out.


This took me literally forty five minutes over the course of the day 

Kelvin

Your ratings are riddled with spelling mistakes.

I would do PS4 next but I deleted the vast majority of my library from the actual library because I felt sick of the looking at them. That's part of the problem with games. There are lots of good, well made games made but good is not good enough for me. Life is short. It must either be very good or interesting. The eternal distraction of novelty, the nourishment of personality. Is Aero Fighters 3 anything other than a good game? It's not a particularly good game, actually. It's not as good as AF2, or Strikers 1945 II, but it's more interesting than both because of the goofy jungle soundtrack and absurd enemies. This should be taken into account for anyone who is reading through this last thing before bed.

Another difficulty with reviewing anything older than, say, a month is that your opinion can change quite quickly depending on circumstances. I'm considering adding a fourth column to show both my current opinion and may opinion of the game at the time. As an eternal enthusiast, my opinion is likely to fade in most cases but there are plenty of games which would show an inverse critical trajectory.

I don't know how to export this review database to Excel but if someone were able to do that, it would probably be easier for me to include another column, as well as ranking games according to various other criteria.

Having given a quick glance at the above, I've rated around a dozen games in the S tier, which is a testament to how many brilliant games there are for the Switch, whether ports or originals, but almost all of these are pretty obvious belters. More interesting is to look at the A tier games:

Gorogoa
Lumines Remastered
Dragon Blaze
J.B. Harold's Manhattan Requiem (controversial critical blind spot)
Zero Gunner 2
Garou: Mark of the Wolves
Gunbarich
Tengai
Paladins
Dead Cells
Sengoku 3

B tier is even better more fascinating and complex. So many of these could be A tier but if I don't want to play them NOW or even later on today at some point, can I really say that I rate them so highly?

Captain Toad
Tropical Freeze
Gunbird 2
The Last Blade
Xenoblade Chronicles 2
Danmaku Unlimited 3

All marvellous in their own way, but also limited in some respect which means that J.B. Harold's Manhattan Requiem is better than them, in my opinion. Arguably, I made a mistake with Danmaku Unlimited 3 and it should be A- in my opinion but 'it has been written', as they say. I can only address this with the next update.


bgmnts


Uncle TechTip

Quote from: The Boston Crab on August 31, 2018, 10:02:22 PM
Real Bout Fatal Fury Special B- / C+ / C+

Surely this is more like B / C+ / C+


Kelvin

Surprised that, within it's genre, Ikuragua is only an A-

It's an interesting one so I'm glad you raised it. I may have briefly touched on it in the original thread discussing this system but I'll expand.

In my fairly short fairly long limited shmup experience, Ikaruga stands out as being the very best at what it does, largely because almost nothing else does what it does or even attempts to, as far as I can see. As a refined singular experience which is designed around approaching a perfect run, I find it (or found it) immensely satisfying and more rewarding than almost any game I've played in years. The incremental improvements and the muscle memory and everything made it feel almost beyond my conscious control on a good run.

On the other hand, it's extremely limited compared to the vast majority of the shmup genre. I do think the puzzle game criticism is a fair descriptor. There is a perfect way to play to maximise your score and that's where the game and the level design truly come alive. That's not to say of course that you can't play it as a reaction based arcadey shmup where you play to survive and get as far as you can, but on those terms, it's actually pretty basic and frustrating. There are certain sections where you really can get stuck if you don't time your homing missiles and absorb suicide bullets just right and so on. It doesn't really have power ups or pick ups of any kind, it's fairly simplistic in that way, even compared to something like Gunbird or Strikers 1945, let alone the absolute titans like Mushihimesama or Dodonpachi DaiOuJou. These would receive S+ (or higher) for the genre because they distill the essence of the shmup and turn it into something maximalist. More bullets, more firepower, more insanity, more aggression, more pervy stuff, more insane soundtracks. They're Robocop in comparison to The Bill. It's very difficult, though. Within its subgenre, it stands virtually alone. Within the broader category, you have to almost average its performance between the two camps - it's an S+ + B. I might be a little harsh on it, though.

madhair60

Your review system is drivel and your usage of "shit munchers" is hilarious given that your favourite games ever are aimed at people who literally eat shit all day, like Super Mario's Duper Super Mario Jumping on a Smiling Tortoise Fuck Yourself Adventure For literal fucking Babies

What's drivel about it?

I gamely concede your second point.

Kelvin

Fairly certain this is the kind of system the Nazis would invent to assess top ranking officers.

madhair60

Quote from: The Boston Crab on September 01, 2018, 02:07:43 PM
What's drivel about it?

I don't understand it instantly and haven't done a single shred of research to remedy that, therefore I hate it.

The first grade is the rating of the game relative to everything else in its genre.

The second grade is my own personal enjoyment of the game.

The third grade is how successfully it transcends the genre to appeal to the 'average player'.

Probably the least hateful review system and gives more information in a few letters and characters than any review system ever invented.

madhair60

Instantly a failure because it supposes that you yourself or anyone else has played everything else in the genre. You might play something that came our prior but belongs to the same genre later, which throws off the whole grade.

Here's my new rating system is it good or shit. Just say that. It's good or it's shit.

Hecate

Quote from: Kelvin on September 01, 2018, 01:05:45 PM
Surprised that, within it's genre, Ikuragua is only an A-

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vAO6akjqdg

Ikaruga is the game that people who don't play shmups think is a good shmup.
When the mainstream gaming press talk about the genre, it's the first game they mention. It's the famous one that the west knows and I think it's a terrible poster boy.
Sine Mora got decent reviews across the board because it looked pretty while it was an absolute laughing stock among the people who actually play these games.

Don't get me wrong, a lot of people like ikaruga and I've nothing against gimmick shmups, guwange is one of my favourite games of all time, but ikaruga is very "polarising". It's more of a puzzle game and whether you love it or hate it, you'd surely admit that it 's nowhere near the best the genre has to offer, not even close.

Kelvin

Quote from: madhair60 on September 01, 2018, 06:11:47 PM
Instantly a failure because it supposes that you yourself or anyone else has played everything else in the genre. You might play something that came our prior but belongs to the same genre later, which throws off the whole grade.

Here's my new rating system is it good or shit. Just say that. It's good or it's shit.

Bosto's system is actually

(An average of the other reviews and opinions he has heard about the game) / (his review) / (a summary of whether he thinks idiots will enjoy it)

chveik

Quote from: Kelvin on September 01, 2018, 02:55:43 PM
Fairly certain this is the kind of system the Nazis would invent to assess top ranking officers.

Haha

Quote from: Kelvin on September 01, 2018, 06:57:49 PM
Bosto's system is actually

(An average of the other reviews and opinions he has heard about the game) / (his review) / (a summary of whether he thinks idiots will enjoy it)

Finally, someone gets it.

Mister Six

Quote from: madhair60 on September 01, 2018, 06:11:47 PM
Instantly a failure because it supposes that you yourself or anyone else has played everything else in the genre. You might play something that came our prior but belongs to the same genre later, which throws off the whole grade.

It also assume there's any way to quantify an "average player" and, if there is, that therein any way to know what that player wants 

And what does it mean to "transcend" a genre? Why is that lumped in with the average player rating? How do you balance these two factors within one score?

What about games that stay resolutely within their genre but are really, really good at it? What about games that straddle multiple genres? What about games that don't fit easily into a genre, or are forging a new one? Is Prey compared with Doom, because it's an FPS? Is it compared with Resident Evil because it's a survival horror?

Scores are reductive, arbitrary and - in isolation - pointless anyway. They're supposed to be a rough-and-ready way to summarise the various points already made in the review, not as a replacement for the review itself. Having three arbitrary scores in a row helps nothing

Just because not everyone has the skill and insight to do what I can do in a matter of seconds doesn't mean it's flawed. That's the skill of the reviewer, not describing a load of boring stuff about the controls or graphics whether 'it's worth your money'. That's the stupidest criterion of all. Don't tell me what's worth my money or imply what money means to me. That's all bullshit that serves marketing departments. PR crap. I'm interested in saying one game is BETTER than another and being able to place it in the pantheon of gaming.

You don't need to have played every game in a genre to say how relatively successful a game is within its genre. That's the stupidest thing I've ever read probley. Was that a nice lunch? Yes, thanks. How would you know unless you'd eaten every lunch? Heh. Yeah, bye. Relativity.

I already addressed most of the points you raise there Mister Six in the original discussion thread. I even gave the example of Ikaruga in this thread as a very successful but very unusual game which both transcends its genre (it's basically the shmup poster child) and fails to meet the traditional standards and expectations and success criteria set within its genre. Rocket League is another. ARMS is another. There are lots of games which don't ideally fit which is why the genre grade is but one of three. If you study the list and have a specific question or query, I'd be happy to address it. It's a simple system but well supported.

For clarification, I've not played Prey and have no interest in doing so. Those games are immersive sims. It's like Dishonored and Bioshock, a small and possibly growing genre. I would rate it A- / D / C+

I am able to justify every single grade offered but nobody has asked for that, preferring a generalised whine about a revolutionary system and way of looking at media. It will work for any work in any medium, including food.



Another question: What is the point of 99% of games writing? Telling someone how to spend their money or not. Describing what can be clear from two seconds of video footage. Spoiling the surprises of the first hand experience. These have no value beyond a buyer's guide. My system has value in terms of the hierarchical structure of the annals of the medium.

Kelvin

It is important to remember that Bosto is a bull in a whoppie cushion shop. He's Top Cat to our Officer Dibble. He's an imp wanking in a nunnery.

chveik


Hank Venture

I've never understood that scale. Why would S be better than A? It's an alphabetical scale, known and loved from University, with an arbitrary letter tacked on as the non plus ultra. Sad!


Consignia

And if you need to go higher, just keep appending S's.

S < SS < SSS < SSSS

etc.

Mister Six


Azure Reflections C+ / B- / D+
Deathsmiles A / A / A-

Literally can't believe I have reviewed every Switch game I played to let Fry know what he should buy and he never even acknowledged this thread.

Hecate

I told you it'd end in resentment but you didn't listen.