Poundland's Big September Saver Sale!

[Glebe]

Hungry macaques - £2.50
Barrels of goop - €100
A big hairy doughnut - $20
A piece of shit - £1p
Duggleybuggleybuoogleboo! - 0p
Half a tin of soiled onion! - FREE
Umpkin - $400
Everything else - see press for details

[Huxleys Babkins]

POST-BREXIT NINJA TURTLE ACTION FIGURES NOW IN STOCK!!!

Ralph: £2.49
Michael: £3.99
Donald: £1.79
Leonard: £7.50

Ian Spikes (Bladed Villain): £5
Furry David (Mouse Dad): £4

[Glebe]

'Umplets' - a hundred ninety-nine
Flucks - 2 twenty
A barrel of jiggin' teabags - twice and fripney!
A nice cut of jarl fish - a hun'red kroner
A used DVD of Phantom's Menace - twelve poond
New socks - 25p

[petril]

Wicks, 9p

[Glebe]

Wicks, 9p

Steady on mate, I know it's a sale but that's taking things a bit far!

[Glebe]

Fresh gleats - 1p each
A packet of rice muddings - £25
Ronald Humpkin's Lovely Jam Spread! - $100
A nice slicing of fresh yolks! - £20 each or NO OFFER

[Gregory Torso]

Loose ketchup - all you can catch for 60p/minute

The instant attraction you felt for each other when you first met - £3.99

Genuine Inspector Morse (verified) - only one in stock - requires 12 AA battered sausages - £500

Statuette of a bear wearing cut off jeans and squeezing its crotch - don't know, we've got thousands of these

Charlie-Gibbs fracture zone - own a prime piece of this billion year old seismic fault! - wow your friends at the bowls club with vague schematics of an oceanic-geological feature that you barely understand! - what are you waiting there for like an undescended testicle filling its poisoned host with testosterone, OWN THIS THING! stop being a TWAT! - £40

[Huxleys Babkins]

Arrested Development DVDs - £2/each
Arrested Development CDs - £2/each

ALL SALES ARE FINAL AND NON REFUNDABLE. KNOW YOUR GOB FROM YOUR NATIVE TONGUES.