99 Ways the Private Eye can fuck off

[mippy]

How many of those stick-thin supermodel cartoons could one person possibly do?

I think all their cultural references stop around 1994. The waif thing is long gone, supermodels now tend to be curvier (Gigi Hadid, Giselle, Ashley Graham) even if they are still pretty skinny compared to everyone else.

[The Culture Bunker]

My least fave is Dumb Britain, which they may as well rename HAHA Proles.  I'm also not keen on people sneering at things that are just not aimed at them - of course you won't get anything out of a Love Island contestant's autobiog if you've never seen the programme. Indeed, the review of said celebrity sex-haver's tome implied that nobody really watched the show, which was bizarre in its wrongness.

I never liked Dumb Britain because it's using examples from game shows: people in unusual high pressure situations (on TV, having to answer questions within seconds that could lead to them making a large sum of money). It's surely not unexpected they have the odd brain fail.

[thraxx]

I never liked Dumb Britain because it's using examples from game shows: people in unusual high pressure situations (on TV, having to answer questions within seconds that could lead to them making a large sum of money). It's surely not unexpected they have the odd brain fail.

It's true, and of late they have become very snobbish, but you have to admit that:

Presenter:  What was Hitler's first name?
Contestant:  Heil

Is blimmin excellent.

[yesitsme]

It's true, and of late they have become very snobbish, but you have to admit that:

Presenter:  What was Hitler's first name?
Contestant:  Heil

Is blimmin excellent.

I saw one that said...

Nick Knowles: What was the name of Bill and Hilary Clinton's cat?
Contestant:     Monica?

I can give you a bit of back story on that.  The contestant couldn't think of the right answer, of course he knew it was Sox but couldn't put his finger on it.  Instead of passing he thought 'I know, I'll see if I can make Nick Knowles laugh'.  Quick as a flash he retorted 'Monica'.

How do I know this Dear Reader?  Because it was me that said it.

I hope the lousy cunt who thought it worthy of sending in enjoyed his crisp fiver!

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I saw one that said...

Nick Knowles: What was the name of Bill and Hilary Clinton's cat?
Contestant:     Monica?

I can give you a bit of back story on that.  The contestant couldn't think of the right answer, of course he knew it was Sox but couldn't put his finger on it.  Instead of passing he thought 'I know, I'll see if I can make Nick Knowles laugh'.  Quick as a flash he retorted 'Monica'.

How do I know this Dear Reader?  Because it was me that said it !

I hope the lousy cunt who thought it worthy of sending in enjoyed his crisp fiver!

You wanted to make Nick " Fucking " Knowles laugh. You're still not coming out of this story smelling of roses, bub.

[yesitsme]

I wasn't aiming to have him in stitches, I just wanted to discombobulate him, perhaps make him snigger in that way that passes for humour in the media.

I think Nick Knowles is on a mission to meet every living person in the UK before they appear on Come Dine With Me.

[gilbertharding]

It's been said before on this thread that Pseud's Corner is too often a series of category errors.

I presume it's a catalogue of stupid people trying to pass themselves off as cleverer, more poetic, and generally interesting than they are. So the likes of Will Self should really be immune from appearing (or else EVERYTHING he's ever done should be there).

I remember years ago John Peel being aggrieved about appearing there, for a clipping where he was waxing lyrically about the wind and sunlight playing in his golden hair as he mused thoughtfully about something or other - because it was OBVIOUSLY A JOKE.

[mobias]

Pseud's Corner can be utterly hilarious but it only works when the Psued in question doesn't realise he/she is being pretentious. Will Self should be barred for life from appearing in it because he's self aware enough to know when he's being pretentious and definitely plays it up. I also get the impression some of the sports writers who regularly appear in it know fine well when they're writing their over blown football reviews they're going to appear in it.

The humour sections of Private Eye are the bits I most frequently just skim over. So much of it is middle of the road sub Viz crap trying not to offend all the middle Englanders that read the Eye.

I do still buy the Eye but I read it less religiously than I used to. I seem to glaze over when I read Street of Shame now. So much of it just seems a repeat of stuff that goes on week after week in Fleet Street. Its interesting for the moment you read it but I just instantly forget most of it.

I guess being quite active on Twitter has had an effect on my enjoyment of the Eye. Sometimes it seems behind the curve. Similar 'behind the scenes' political and journalist gossip appears on Twitter daily.   

[The Culture Bunker]

I buy it maybe four/five times a year, usually if I have a plane/train journey ahead and haven't got a book on the go. £2 buys you a lot of text to eat up the tedium of travel.

Totally agree on the cartoon/"satire" stuff, mind. That shite gets skipped right over - I prefer reading the want ads.

[finnquark]

Do you reckon anyone ever puts money in the bank account appeals at the back.

[Cuellar]

A persistent thought at the back of my mind.

[The Culture Bunker]

I can only assume some do, or else people would have stopped bothering to try it years ago.

[yesitsme]

Or would they?

What a temptation that is.  I've often thought of what would be the perfect ad to entice generous benefactors.

[Dr Rock]

There are no benefactors, just years and years of people thinking there are, and Private Eye pocketing the cash of the fools who think the ads might work.

[yesitsme]

There are no benefactors, just years and years of people thinking there are, and Private Eye pocketing the cash of the fools who think the ads might work.

Yeah, that's what I think too but still....  There are genuine, helpful, guilty, foolish people out there who 'might' want to throw a lifeline to some struggling artist, wannabe porn star, hard working family man down on his luck.

I once got a chain letter, I wish I'd kept it instead of throwing it in the bin it was beautiful.  It didn't promise death on those who didn't send it on or riches on those who did.  it was basically 'What have you got to lose?  The price of ten 2nd class stamps and a pint - why not?' but it was written really, really well.

I wonder what stage of a chain letter is the best level to insert your name in order to reap the most before it collapses?

[petril]

[tag] (cont'd p. 94, whore)[/tag]

[Ferris]

How much does it cost to submit an ad to the Eye?