Best public argument you've seen/heard

[Pingers]

I was on the tube once late at night and a couple got on, quite pissed. He was black, she was white. After a bit of standard low-level rowing he said "Anyway, you're a fucking slut" to which she responded "Fuck you, n**ger!" and exited the train. Impressively compressed argument it was, 0-60 in about one minute.

[bgmnts]

I don't think I have ever heard that term used in real life to a black person as an insult.

Feels like more of an American thing to do.

[The Boston Crab]

I saw a Chinese guy pull his wife/girlfriend/hooker out of his car and slam her head in the door repeatedly. Me and my mates legged him while another fewest thousand stood and watchdog or ignored.

*I need a hero...*

He was really fast and then we ran away because he was calling his mates and we would have been literally murdered.

[sevendaughters]

I'll come back here if I think of the *best* but I saw one just last night.

bald drunk bloke (at a guess: post-rugby enthusiasm) steps into road at busy roundabout and taxi comes around corner and swerves to avoid. bloke acts like he's in the right and punches the cab. i hear a skid (i am on my bike) and overhear the man's friends saying SORRY SORRY SORRY but as i look back the cabbie is properly windmilling toward the guy. wish i could have stayed but i was in traffic myself.

[worldsgreatestsinner]

The flat I used to live in had a couple living below me. They had a fight one day and he stormed out. She decided to hang out the window and scream after him "Go on fuck off back to your mother. Does she bend over for you to stick it up her arse? No. I fucking do"

[Pingers]

^ Fantasstic

[hayduke_lives]

I've found arguments between people in costume to be a great source of pathos. I saw two girls dressed as Mario and Luigi screaming at each other on the train to Manchester Comic Con a few years ago. But my personal favourite was seeing a fistfight between Wallace and Gromit one Halloween. Also, special mention to the man dressed as Hulk Hogan sat in the back of a takeaway place on Oxford Road alone, sobbing.

[Icehaven]

I've found arguments between people in costume to be a great source of pathos. I saw two girls dressed as Mario and Luigi screaming at each other on the train to Manchester Comic Con a few years ago. But my personal favourite was seeing a fistfight between Wallace and Gromit one Halloween. Also, special mention to the man dressed as Hulk Hogan sat in the back of a takeaway place on Oxford Road alone, sobbing.

Brilliant. Halloween is always good for this, when I was at Uni there were always weeping witches and furious zombies storming around the Student's Union.

Anyway back in the 80s there used to be this Scottish couple that lived near us who were famous for their public rows, every few weeks or so we'd see them screaming and shouting at each other in impenetrable Glaswegian accents as they walked past to the shops, then again about 20 minutes later on the way back. But there was something very theatrical about it, they didn't shout over each other and they'd stop and gesture wildly with their arms sometimes too, so as I was a small child I used to think they were rehearsing a play or something. Maybe they were.

[Blue Jam]

I am currently on holiday somewhere hot, where I have just witnessed a bar fight between two small lizards who were quibbling over the ownership of a straw:



The Mr Lizard on the right won and proceeded to spend half an hour licking his prize. Desperate reptilian pisshead.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

'Why do you like ridin' hippos?'
'It went all the way up my goul, and it's big!'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H8C7ZTbsF-E

[Captain Poodle Basher]

A few weeks ago around midnight on a rainy Sunday night.

I was woken by loud shouting. I looked out the window and a couple were in a heated shouting match with a solitary bloke. The solitary bloke was being harrangued by the male member of the couple and retaliated, threatening to kick the shit out of Mouthy McDrunk.

Within moments, Mouthy was like a whipped cur, all pleading and whining and apologising. The solitary bloke went on his merry way and the couple staggered up along my street. Mouthy was giving it the full "I used to be somebody, I could have taken him back in my day you know." routine and all in a "Too many cigarettes" mixed with "Almost sobbing" throaty hoarseness. His partner was soothing him with "Of course you could love." type comments.

All went silent for a bit until Mouthy came back down the street on his own and stood at the site of the original argument shouting "Come back here and I'll fucking kill you" threats at his long-departed foe before plodding back up the street again.

[DrGreggles]

I am currently on holiday somewhere hot, where I have just witnessed a bar fight between two small lizards who were quibbling over the ownership of a straw:

"BREXIT MEANS BREXIT!"

[Fisher Goes Berserk]

shouting at each other in impenetrable Glaswegian accents

Glasgow arguments are often spectacular. I witnessed a belter in George Square a few years back. Bloke walking away from a woman with a kid in a pushchair - I presumed his partner and child. He turned to her, grabbed his crotch and shouted 'KISS MAH HAIRY SWINGERS'. I laughed for about an hour.

[Cuntbeaks]

Overheard one side of an incredibly vitroilic argument on a bus in Glasgow last year. The guy was spewing industrial strength hatred and using turns of phrase that would have made Malcolm Tucker blush.

The pinnacle for me was when he declared the woman on the other end was, "a waste of teeth".

[buttgammon]

My neighbour often used to stand on the balcony shouting at friends she'd fallen out with. She's calmed down now, but I will always fondly remember the time she screamed "you dirty smelly geebag" at someone.

[Jakey Chesterton]

Re the Glasgow ones:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=kg6o9sYUOVk

[Blue Jam]

Glasgow arguments are often spectacular.

Scottish swearing is phenomenonal. While I was flat-hunting ahead of my move tae Embra I heard a guy shouting "GET FUCKED, YA WANKSHAFT!" It immediately made me fall in love with have reservations about the place.

[Buffalo Many Times]

On London road in Brighton: three pissed up people shuffling up the street, two men and one woman. One of the men seemed to be in a relationship with the woman; I inferred this as they were shouting at each other. The argument was fairly general; he was a prick, she was a bitch - they bandied imprecations back and forth, spittle flying and addled faces reddening. Then the third party, the other male, seemed to be overcome by some strange serenity; some dawning notion that this fate of his, to play the third wheel and bear witness to the perpetual bickering of his alcohol-induced friends, could be averted and harmony could be restored. He interjected himself between them, his face beatific - infused with the measured calm of someone who has achieved enlightenment through epiphany - he flung two thumbs in the direction of some spot of significance he instinctively knew lay behind his shoulders and placidly uttered but one word. "Threshers?". The argument ceased. Everyone, in unison, nodded. They marched off, united by a common purpose. Together.

[St_Eddie]

Halloween is always good for this, when I was at Uni there were always weeping witches and furious zombies storming around the Student's Union.

[Billy]

One of my childhood memories in the mid-90s is walking through a London tube station with my mum, and passing a screaming couple arguing, culminating in the man shouting "YOU KILLED MY BABY, YOU BITCH!!". Followed by all the passers by going "Woaaaahhhh!!" as if they were watching a theatrical performance.

Mum swiftly hurried me along and 20+ years on I'm still not sure if what I heard was genuine or not.

[Brundle-Fly]

On London road in Brighton: three pissed up people shuffling up the street, two men and one woman. One of the men seemed to be in a relationship with the woman; I inferred this as they were shouting at each other. The argument was fairly general; he was a prick, she was a bitch - they bandied imprecations back and forth, spittle flying and addled faces reddening. Then the third party, the other male, seemed to be overcome by some strange serenity; some dawning notion that this fate of his, to play the third wheel and bear witness to the perpetual bickering of his alcohol-induced friends, could be averted and harmony could be restored. He interjected himself between them, his face beatific - infused with the measured calm of someone who has achieved enlightenment through epiphany - he flung two thumbs in the direction of some spot of significance he instinctively knew lay behind his shoulders and placidly uttered but one word. "Threshers?". The argument ceased. Everyone, in unison, nodded. They marched off, united by a common purpose. Together.

It was the following morning three dismembered bodies were discovered in a threshing machine at a farm just outside Pyecombe.

[Ambient Sheep]

The flat I used to live in had a couple living below me. They had a fight one day and he stormed out. She decided to hang out the window and scream after him "Go on fuck off back to your mother. Does she bend over for you to stick it up her arse? No. I fucking do"

Oh, that's lovely!  As is:

On London road in Brighton: three pissed up people shuffling up the street, two men and one woman...

My own entry, I'm afraid, features me.  I'm sure I've told it on here before but can't find it.  One Saturday afternoon going shopping, somehow ended up with me storming off in the direction of home, doing a full-on speedwalk, from our very genteel market town's centre, across the very genteel green by the open-air car park, towards the very genteel footbridge over the very genteel brook, with my then-beloved trotting after me trying but failing to keep up, repeatedly yelling after me at the top of her voice "Come back here you CUNT!!" and similar imprecations as horrified very genteel mothers clapped their hands over their offspring's very genteel ears.

It's only just occurred to me after all this time (about 25 years) that the local police station would have been easily within earshot!

[yesitsme]

I was in my doorway one night when I picked up the sounds of arguing coming down the hill.  As I looked I could see a couple, gesticulating wildly at each other.  They were off their nuts and I couldn't quite make out what they were shouting but as they past my door the woman turned on her heels and screemed at the man 'You're even worse than Hitler!'

It was as if she'd started off with 'You're even worse than Jan Leeming and worked her way up.'

I do quite like a one sided argument.  People screaming down the phone at an unknown enemy.  I remember once walking behind this guy who was clearly a bit ticked off with someone the calm menace in his voice as he told him what he was going to do to him was chilling.

Airports and Ikea are always good for rows.

Saw one bloke simmer his way up to fury when the scales at the checkin went all poids lourds on him.  'I told you to stop buying shite!' he said.  They ended up ditching a load of towels, t-shirts and all sorts because she'd been splashing the cash on wine (who buys wine abroad these days) and donkeys where you lift the tail and a fag pops out of its arse.

[king_tubby]

I've found arguments between people in costume to be a great source of pathos. I saw two girls dressed as Mario and Luigi screaming at each other on the train to Manchester Comic Con a few years ago. But my personal favourite was seeing a fistfight between Wallace and Gromit one Halloween. Also, special mention to the man dressed as Hulk Hogan sat in the back of a takeaway place on Oxford Road alone, sobbing.

Saw a bloke dressed as a tomato try to start on someone at the cricket once. He didn't do very well.

[DrGreggles]

More ridiculous than best, but...

I used to do a pop quiz down my local pub.
Generally good natured stuff, not to be taken too seriously, used to allow teams to mark each others answers, that kind of thing.

Anyway, to try to avoid Draconian marking, a few rules were set - one of which was that anything 'featuring' an artist could be ignored (main artist only) and any part of the song title in brackets didn't matter. That way there could be no arguments, right?

After one round two teams started arguing with each over the strict marking of one team's answer to one of the questions (they were deducted one point).
This boiled up over the rest of the evening and, by last orders, they were squaring up to each other in the car park.

Thanks a lot, MC Tunes Versus 808 State!

[Harpo Speaks]

A woman jabbing a finger into her pram-pushing partner's chest and yelling 'HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO SAY THIS, WILLIAM WALLACE WAS A MARTYR'.

She didn't even sound Scottish.

[jobotic]

Put this on here before...in local pub on mid-week evening, very quiet. There were two blokes and a woman propping up the bar, but seemingly chatting quietly. No sign of any bother when standing near them.

About an hour after I got there one of the blokes shouts "CUNT!" and lamps the other bloke, knocking him across the floor*. The puncher then storms towards the door and as he walks through it the one he hit, who has now got to his feet shouts "You're sacked!". Then he returns to his spot at the bar and carries on chatting to the woman quietly.




* no, I'm not getting my memories mixed up with Sexy Beast. 

[An Actual Propeller]

There's a scummy family a few doors down to somebody I know, they always have arguments in the street because they're awful people and have no filter.

The dad is always banging on the door like 8 Ace demanding to be let in and - being a smackhead with obvious anger and jealousy issues - is always accusing his other half of having affairs.

So he's banging on the door and accusing her of shagging Dave down the road.  Eventually, she opens the door, and shouts "HOW MAN, AH'M NOT FUCKIN' SHAGGIN' DAVE, AH CANNIT EVEN BE ARSED TO SHAG YOU."

[Endicott]

A young mother coming back from the shops with her 5 or 6 yo son, both of them gamely calling the other a fucking cunt. Perhaps more one for 'Desolation'.

No doubt I've recounted this one in one of the many bus driver threads we have every other week, so I'll just say it ended up with a man stood in front of a bus preventing it from departing, loudly declaring to the driver that 'I fought in the war to stop people like you'.

[yesitsme]

A young mother coming back from the shops with her 5 or 6 yo son, both of them gamely calling the other a fucking cunt. Perhaps more one for 'Desolation'.

No doubt I've recounted this one in one of the many bus driver threads we have every other week, so I'll just say it ended up with a man stood in front of a bus preventing it from departing, loudly declaring to the driver that 'I fought in the war to stop people like you'.

I've done that.  It wasn't the 31 from Manchester Piccadilly to Farnworth one week night was it?  Cunt saw me but tried to pull away from the stop.  I went fully Tianamen Square on his bus driver ass.

'This bus is not moving until you let me on!'  He'd open the door then as tried to get on he'd close them and try to drive off.  I was prepared to go under it's wheels to prove a point.

No matter where I've lived I'm always the last person off the bus.

It was tense I can tell you.