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How long would you need to fart for it go from satisfying to worrying

Started by Bhazor, September 09, 2018, 11:15:36 PM

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Bhazor

The emotions of farting go surprise->anticipation->relief->pleasure->laughter but how long from laughter to fear for your health? How long until the laughter dies in your throat and you are left staring down at your self as your butthole continues whistling your mouth going dry as you reach for your phone preparing to dial 999.

My guess, 14 seconds.

Hecate

11 seconds, I'd say.
10 would be the funniest thing ever to happen to you, 11 instantly terrifying.

One day when I was little I kept farting constantly, I didn't eat anything out of the ordinary that day that I can remember, so it just seemed like a really strange happy accident. I'd been blessed by the mischievous fart gods. I was having great fun dancing around the house, quacking on things and my sister said something like "you're going to die, that's one of the early symptoms of dying of death"
and I spent the next few hours cowering in my room with the curtains drawn, letting off frightened little squeeky ones.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Never managed more than a 4 second long fart

It's an ambition I'm saving for my demented ruined Alzheimer's existence.

Even if I feel a long one brewing I will sabotage the fart - not many people would be that stubborn

Bhazor

Imagine you called your wife and child into the room at the 8 second mark, everyone laughing, your beautiful wife tittering crystaline laughter, your child looking on his tears of laughter failing to mask his pride. Then it hits the 12 second mark. Your wife's face drops, she grabs your son and turns his head away, she's crying now, you're crying, the sound of sobs lost behind the base rumble of intestinal gas escaping, you reach your hand out to her, 16 seconds now, she reaches her hand but its too much she lets out a scream of despair and turns from you, dragging her son, your son, with her, the door slamming as his head turns to glimpse you through the gap. You're alone. You're thankful. You do not want your family to see how this will end. 24 seconds.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

25 seconds

It's funny again

Come on says Mum, this must have turned sharty by now

Sebastian Cobb

Yeah, like a Stewart Lee routine you'd get a sense it's been going on far too long only for it to be funny again.

Ferris


The correct answer is seven seconds, Neneh cherry had a song about it.



Emma Raducanu

About 2 months ago, I blasted out the biggest fart I've ever done. It was like a 10 on the richter scale. It was extremely loud and satisfyingly forceful. Probably enough to wake up 2 doors down. I'm sure I'll never have one quite like that ever again.

Replies From View

*Karl Pilkington regales us with the story of Auntie Nora yet again*

PlanktonSideburns


Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: DolphinFace on September 10, 2018, 08:49:56 PM
About 2 months ago, I blasted out the biggest fart I've ever done. It was like a 10 on the richter scale. It was extremely loud and satisfyingly forceful. Probably enough to wake up 2 doors down. I'm sure I'll never have one quite like that ever again.
For a few days running I eat refried bean burritos for lunch and had chickpea curry for tea. I could've blown a dog off a chain.

Bhazor


Replies From View


Glebe

Anything over two minutes is cause for concern, at least down my end!

Quote from: DistressedArea on September 10, 2018, 12:23:11 PM
The correct answer is seven seconds, Neneh cherry had a song about it.

"And there's a meeeeeeeeellion voices*"

*euphemism for farts