IDLES and the generally sorry state of the British "punk" scene

[alan nagsworth]

This is the question I find myself asking with increasing fervency every time I'm forced to give the band IDLES yet another chance (since, it should be acknowledged, I am more than willing to allow the benefit of doubt, put the hours in and really try to understand what it is I'm not getting with regards to musical expression). This being said, I can succinctly and informedly conclude that if IDLES are the defining British voice of discontentment through music in 2018, we ought to be embarrassed.

IDLES are not a good band. Sure, their new album Joy as an Act of Resistance might pack a relatively surly punch, ambling as they do in that "we're bloody fed up, we are!" fashion that spreads itself thin about a third of the way into its runtime, but the lyrics in particular and their delivery from frontman Joe Talbot are nothing short of sixth form poetry belched biliously from a gut that could not sound more contrived if it tried. Uh, that is to say, it could, because that's what "contrived" means.

Now, I am all too aware of the traces of irony that may be at play here: perhaps Talbot is so disenchanted and world-weary that he thinks writing good lyrics is beneath him. Perhaps, to give him a bit more credit, he's acting in a state of regression because, at its core, punk rock is a vessel for anger and as long as you're keeping vaguely current with lyrics about James Bond, homophobia and "chavs" (seriously), the ends will justify the means, right? Well, even as someone who strongly believes in the motto "it's not the story, it's how you tell it", I can still tell you that I think Joe Talbot is a fucking charlatan.

Just because "well no one else is singing about this stuff with half as much venom as IDLES", I cannot fathom how anyone (except 50+ year old ex-punks like my dad, who thinks they're great) can take lyrics like this seriously:

I don't care about the next James Bond
He kills for country, queen and god
We don't need another murderous toff
I'm just wondering where the high street's gone

He thinks he's suave
You're not suave 'cause you watched Get Carter
You are a catalogue, plastic Sinatra
A tryhard, you should've tried harder
Me, oh me, oh my, Roy
You look like a walking thyroid
You're not a man, you're a gland
You're one big neck with sausage hands
You are a Topshop tyrant
Even your haircut's violent
You look like you're from Love Island
You stood and the room went silent

Utterly, unequivocally dreadful. And yet there they are, the nation's noisy darlings, championed by all and sundry as a Real Musical Voice. Still, at least we've got Slaves and Sleaford Mods to fall back on, right? Don't make me fucking laugh (though I'll admit Sleaford Mods have raised a cheeky smile out of me more than once, and I think R&B Paul is an absolutely glorious song).

In contrast, across the pond, what have we got? Pissed Jeans, roaring from strength to strength, hilariously lambasting macho ideals at every turn with music that is so grotesque and incandescent it makes me grin like a fucking maniac. Parquet Courts, sharpening their claws with every album, getting smarter and angrier, writing infectious, spiky post-punk hooks and wonderfully incisive social commentaries. Gloriously artistic and evolving organisms like Protomartyr and Iceage. It's a beautiful tapestry of fury out there, but back home we may as well still be listening to The Exploited. Like I said: embarrassing.

[Shaky]

Only very vaguely dipped into this lot, but a friend has just drunkenly declared them the greatest shit since sliced shit on Facebook.

[Vodka Margarine]

Hipster Bingo full house.

[a duncandisorderly]

Hipster Bingo full house.

blimey, hawkwind have let themselves go.

[holyzombiejesus]

"You're one big neck with sausage hands" is my favourite shit lyric although much of the words in that song are gloriously rubbish

[non capisco]

He doesn't care about the next James Bond, old Ian Idles. Go on, go up to him and talk about James Bond, see what he does. He gets in a right old tizz about the subject.

[non capisco]

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE NEXT HARRY POTTER
POSH WIZARD CUNT, WHAT A FUCKING ROTTER
I'D LIKE TO GIVE HIM A PUNCH UP HIS SNOTTER
INTO THE RIVER WITH HIS SATCHEL AND HIS JOTTER!

[doppelkorn]

Is this the band who have that song that goes: "....as he cries at the price of a bacon bap"?

[non capisco]

Is this the band who have that song that goes: "....as he cries at the price of a bacon bap"?

I do hope so. Idles are fucking hilarious. That James Bond lyric is priceless.

Ooh I wonder what Vince Vomit from The Idles has to say about the next Batman film? Nothing good, I expect!

[Chriddof]

Robocop 4: Fuck Off Robocop

[Stoneage Dinosaurs]

I must admit, I do like "you're not a man, you're a gland"

[PlanktonSideburns]

Robocop 4: Fuck Off Robocop

Was going to make the point that fuckoff robocop already exists, and is good, so Wat is point of this, thanks

[non capisco]

I must admit, I do like "you're not a man, you're a gland"

I certainly wouldn't want to be on the wrong side of Mickey Mucus from The Idles and his lyric writing pen, or should I say scalpel!

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

It's nice to know that the true heirs to Leatherface have emerged.

[Dr Rock]

You stood and the room went silent

What does that mean?

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

These abject buffoons are hilarious, and I'm glad they exist.

[gib]

What does that mean?

You stood up and everyone else in the room stopped talking, presumably because you look weird. And somehow they hadn't noticed his while you were seated, no that doesn't work does it?

[bgmnts]

Isn't eat just easier to say almost all punk is pretty dire? Just noise, really.

[alan nagsworth]

Robocop 4: Fuck Off Robocop

Excellent song title, extremely underwhelming band who've been largely shite since their first album. Falco lost his edge when he started taking his music too seriously. I'll take the last two mclusky albums over crap like "Drink Nike" any day.

Isn't eat just easier to say almost all punk is pretty dire? Just noise, really.

Yes, that's really easy to say, isn't it? Hey, let's go the whole hog and say that a large percentage of most things is a load of rubbish (except surf rock; pretty much all surf rock is fucking great).

I mean, like, I sort of agree with you, but jeez what a fuckin boring thing to say

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Vince Vomit and Mickey Mucous? Is this a parody band?

[alan nagsworth]

I'm glad people seem to be on my side with this.

[Johnny Yesno]

Could do with more links in the op.

[Vodka Margarine]

I was initially put off by the simpering endorsement of relentless mediocrity goblin Steve Lamacq but I've given them a listen. Half Man Half Fixie Bike, featuring Keith Flint getting brutally sodomised by Boggins.

[bgmnts]

Excellent song title, extremely underwhelming band who've been largely shite since their first album. Falco lost his edge when he started taking his music too seriously. I'll take the last two mclusky albums over crap like "Drink Nike" any day.

Yes, that's really easy to say, isn't it? Hey, let's go the whole hog and say that a large percentage of most things is a load of rubbish (except surf rock; pretty much all surf rock is fucking great).

I mean, like, I sort of agree with you, but jeez what a fuckin boring thing to say

As long as you agree.

[Johnny Yesno]

Isn't eat just easier to say almost all punk is pretty dire? Just noise, really.

All music is just noise, baby. Some of it is more dissonant than the rest.

[Johnny Yesno]

Anyone got any links to the music discussed in the op? I can't be arsed to search on the lyrics and wouldn't know where to start with those other bands?

[sevendaughters]

Idles are like Kerrang! punkers with sloganeering, their political clarity is always going to be unappealing to a crowd of smart-arses like us and it might be a stepping stone to better stuff or real activism for some. so I can't hate them too much. some great punk and punk-adjacent around in this country last few years too like Facel Vega, Anxiety, Bad Breeding, Fex Urbis, Lowest Forms, and Sauna Youth.

edit: that said on the new Idles record the baby shoes short story is actually used as a chorus, right? how embarrassing.

[alan nagsworth]

Good shout on Anxiety actually, they're fucking great aren't they?

Anyone got any links to the music discussed in the op? I can't be arsed to search on the lyrics and wouldn't know where to start with those other bands?

I'm Scum

Never Fight A Man With A Perm

[rue the polywhirl]

Not heard a second of this band and from reading their lyrics in this thread I never want to.


"STAR WARS?!
MORE LIKE STAR SNORES!!!
LUKE, HAN AND LEIA ARE THUNDEROUS BORES!
THE ONLY EVIL EMPIRE IS THE RUPERT MURDOCH EMPIRE.
MY HEROES AIN'T APPEARED WITH NO LIGHTSABRE"

[sevendaughters]

Good shout on Anxiety actually, they're fucking great aren't they?

yeah, sad they're done, saw them just before they called time. new band Gimp World just played their first show, seems like the same band with a different guitarist.