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Items of clothing that no one has ever worn with style or panache

Started by Nice Relaxing Poo, September 19, 2018, 04:11:34 PM

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gilbertharding

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on September 20, 2018, 11:26:56 AM
My wife does that a lot, too :-(

Should I just divorce her now?



Caption: Mr and Mrs Neville Chamberlain and friend share a joke, yesterday.

Jockice

Quote from: Blue Jam on September 20, 2018, 10:48:37 AM
I think Brian Molko pulled it off:



Otherwise... yes, it's one of those really ugly fashion trends that refuses to die and keeps popping back up every few years, like pussy-blow blouses (which look frowsy on anyone) and midi skirts (an unflattering length even on models).

Cold-shoulder tops just make a woman's arms look chubby. They're even worse than cap sleeves, which end at the thickest part of the arm and make it look like a steamed ham, and even on very slim, toned women they look a bit little girl-ish.

If I'm buying a t-shirt and have the choice of a men's or ladies' version, I'll go for the men's one every time. Cap sleeves just make me feel exposed.

Phil Oakey did it better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUdwb0Cpn4Y

Quote from: popcorn on September 20, 2018, 11:32:33 AM
Remember ten years ago when loads of nerds wore these?



I knew a couple of nerds who otherwise never put a moment's thought into their wardrobe, yet for some reason ended up with a pair of these, which can't have been an accident, so what happened? What was it about these awful bondage trousers that penetrated their shield of garment indifference? Perhaps they're like Venom from Spider-Man - they're symbiotic and nerds made easy hosts. Or maybe they really did make the nerds think they were in a nightclub scene from The Matrix.


This has reminded me of another godawful item of clothing: New Rock boots




Blue Jam

Quote from: Jockice on September 20, 2018, 11:46:15 AM
Phil Oakey did it better. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUdwb0Cpn4Y

Phil Oakey... Brian Molko... I think this is further evidence that fashion runs on a 15-year cycle.

Bazooka

Black Flame Shirts, sorry on my phone so can't post a picture, but we all know the sort, flames emanating from the sleeve and bottom of the shirt, rose to popularity with Nu-Metal.

Neville Chamberlain

I once went shopping for a shirt and found a nice black one. It was only when I got to the checkout that I realised it had an enormous embroidered snake on the back. Who the fuck wears shite like that?!?

Icehaven

Quote from: popcorn on September 20, 2018, 11:32:33 AM
Remember ten years ago when loads of nerds wore these?




Quote from: Nice Relaxing Poo on September 20, 2018, 12:19:25 PM





Now it's my turn to look embarrassed, although I never quite went as far as those bondage trousers, but not far off. One of my Uni housemates however had near enough that exact pair. FWIW New Rocks are still very much a 'thing', although I've not worn any for about 10 years. And yes they are every bit as fucking heavy and awkward to wear as they look.


Blue Jam

I see plenty of big goth boots in the pubs I frequent... I was never a goth myself but I can't knock 'em, sorry.

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on September 20, 2018, 12:35:38 PM
I once went shopping for a shirt and found a nice black one. It was only when I got to the checkout that I realised it had an enormous embroidered snake on the back. Who the fuck wears shite like that?!?

Rocket From The Crypt?

Icehaven

Quote from: Neville Chamberlain on September 20, 2018, 12:35:38 PM
I once went shopping for a shirt and found a nice black one. It was only when I got to the checkout that I realised it had an enormous embroidered snake on the back. Who the fuck wears shite like that?!?

That happens to me all the time in charity shops. Find a nice jacket, check the back make sure it's in good condition and discover it's in a charity shop because a few of the faux diamonds spelling out ''LIVE FREE FOREVER YOUNG'' in 3 inch high letters have dropped off.

Quote from: icehaven on September 20, 2018, 12:37:39 PM
Now it's my turn to look embarrassed, although I never quite went as far as those bondage trousers, but not far off. One of my Uni housemates however had near enough that exact pair. FWIW New Rocks are still very much a 'thing', although I've not worn any for about 10 years. And yes they are every bit as fucking heavy and awkward to wear as they look.

Being quite partial to a bit of extreme metal I get to see plenty of New Rock wearers at gigs but I've never liked them, as you say they just look so fucking heavy and awkward.

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

Anything purple. Nobody has ever looked good in purple, apart from maybe Prince, and he's dead, so just stop it right now.

Icehaven

Quote from: Nice Relaxing Poo on September 20, 2018, 01:00:31 PM
Being quite partial to a bit of extreme metal I get to see plenty of New Rock wearers at gigs but I've never liked them, as you say they just look so fucking heavy and awkward.

They truly are. I do like how they look, worn with the right clothes in the right context, but I don't think I eat enough calcium or protein to wear them now.

Attila

I was in my little lair at home, sorting out lectures, answering student emails, revising a grant - just today, I mean. Had a bit of a stretch, got up to get a snack, opened the door, and came face to face with Mr Attila, clad in a t-shirt, braces, and what appeared to be crotch-padded polyester ledenhosen.

I'd like to point out at this time that 'What the fuck?' when faced with someone's interesting sartorial choice is a rhetorical question, and I do not want a length, stammered reply.

Also: still cannot stand cold-shoulder tops, and as predicted when discussing this a while back with Janie, yep, they're now showing up in the charity and second hand shops that I like to hit up.

I'll also nth the annoyance you feel when you find a great shirt or jacket or whatever that would otherwise be the answer to a particular clothing quest, and discover it's got some dumb-assed design or decoration on it. In my case, it's been searching for a replacement for my leather jacket (which is finally now more gaffer tape than leather).  I don't need rando bejazzles on the back or sleeves, weirdly placed fringe, useless pockets (especially when I'm searching for useful pockets). weird applique, &c.

Dex Sawash


petril

short sleeved shirts with massive dragon embroidery/prints. copyright belongs to 1998

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: petrilTanaka on September 21, 2018, 09:11:53 AM
short sleeved shirts with massive dragon embroidery/prints. copyright belongs to 1998

Flame shirts as well. And anything with a wolf on it.

Norton Canes


Cold Meat Platter

#77
American hats like the cowboy or the baseball hat.
Clint Eastwood can keep his, obviously, and they can have them for films set in the past times of history long gone.
I have no beef with similar Australian hats though.

And if you are actually a cowboy I recommend you invest in some protective headgear, I mean look at what happened to Christopher Reeve. Although come to think of it, he had a hard hat on and it was his spine that was injured so crack on.

Clownbaby

Them "toe shoes" that encase each toe separately

A Minions T Shirt

Those purposely over-tight  designer fuckboy shirts that are usually pastel blue and worn over a very tanned muscular Essex lad body, with dainty little short sleeves and buttoned up right to the top button, with or without a bow tie. That look is stupid and the people who try to pull it off only get a free pass from people cause they obviously have good bodies and are otherwise considered good looking

the midnight watch baboon

Top shirt button done up. Loosen up, yer fucken pageboy-ass doik.



note- do not fck pageboys in the ass.



Clownbaby

The boi that graces my avatar seems to purposely seek out the most upsetting clothing combinations possible but kind of pulls it off through sheer confidence and childlike enthusiasm (?)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0cyUBAbeE2w

If anyone could pull of isolated toe shoes maybe he could. The white gloves though. Nah. There's another one. White knitted gloves.

petril

Quote from: the midnight watch baboon on September 21, 2018, 10:50:57 AM
Top shirt button done up. Loosen up, yer fucken pageboy-ass doik.



note- do not fck pageboys in the ass.

every other button undone. you just look like the hype man's fifth best mate in a rap video


Brundle-Fly


Absorb the anus burn


Attila

Quote from: petrilTanaka on September 21, 2018, 09:11:53 AM
short sleeved shirts with massive dragon embroidery/prints. copyright belongs to 1998

I was up in London earlier this month and got caught out by the mini heatwave, so I thought, Yeah, I hit up one of my favourite second-hand shops in Drury Lane (they used to be in Mercer when it was a scary, dingy alleyway, but it got all tidied and clean and lit up, so my guys had to move).

Found the perfect shirt -- super comfy, feminine cut, cotton, subtle grey/yellow plaid, short sleeves, two small, but useful pockets; the kind of shirt that can be dressed up or down depending on what you pair with it and.... an enormous fuck-off Harley Davison logo slapped on the back.

Of course I bought it. I wore it to a departmental meeting last week in fact.

Depressed Beyond Tables

Quote from: popcorn on September 20, 2018, 11:32:33 AM
Remember ten years ago when loads of nerds wore these?



I knew a couple of nerds who otherwise never put a moment's thought into their wardrobe, yet for some reason ended up with a pair of these, which can't have been an accident, so what happened? What was it about these awful bondage trousers that penetrated their shield of garment indifference? Perhaps they're like Venom from Spider-Man - they're symbiotic and nerds made easy hosts. Or maybe they really did make the nerds think they were in a nightclub scene from The Matrix.

The irony is if you threw someone wearing that garb down a mineshaft they wouldn't have the faintest idea of how to get out.

Icehaven

Quote from: Depressed Beyond Tables on September 21, 2018, 01:38:29 PM
The irony is if you threw someone wearing that garb down a mineshaft they wouldn't have the faintest idea of how to get out.

But they'd know how to have fetishistic sex though.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: Brundle-Fly on September 21, 2018, 11:22:13 AM
Show me one stylish jockey amongst this lot.





I'm coming round to the idea that anyone related to horse racing, even tenuously, is complete scum.

boki

High-waisted trousers are always Dork Central, whether worn by old blokes or young women.