Tesco launches new supermarket for cunts

[NoSleep]

I can't help thinking that their demographic is basically Peter Beardsley

I remember recently overhearing a (rather unhealthy looking) bloke, in Tesco, complaining to his wife that they'd not found any corned beef in the store as yet. I think Jack's will be his go-to store from now on.

[Pseudopath]

I'm sure this is going to go brilliantly and they won't be selling the stores to Aldi or Lidl in a year's time.

Depressingly, I reckon the hammering home the BRITISH PRODUCE angle might actually win them some (albeit gammon-faced) customers...even though most fresh produce at Aldi and Lidl is made in the UK (and the rest is delicious frikadellen and knock-off Peperami).

[Sebastian Cobb]

Whereas Tesco are some of the worst cunts going in the corporate greed arena and whose values, if you can call them that, are likely far more responsible for defiant votes of brexit.

[buzby]

The correct way of doing supermarket is:

1. Home Bargains for everything you need.
2. Then go to Lidl for all the nice things like Pecan Nuts, cooked meats and wine.
3. Then Sainsbury for whatever you missing (usually frozen veggie stuff).
4. M&S Food for bread.

I've never been to an Iceland or Waitrose but suspect they might slip into my system somewhere. Is Iceland cheaper than Home Bargains?

Iceland's frozen stuff (which is their raison d'être) is cheaper than H&Bs, but H&B are cheaper for pretty much everything else.

Iceland actually beat Tesco's to the punch with this idea with their recently-created Food Warehouse chain, which sells all the same stuff as Iceland but at the same or slightly higher prices and with the ambience of a shop that's expecting to close down before it's opened (no floor or ceiling tiles, no permanent shop fittings, just a load of freestanding shelving units and freezers connected to electrical conduits strung from the roof)

Whereas Tesco are some of the worst cunts going in the corporate greed arena and whose values, if you can call them that, are likely far more responsible for defiant votes of brexit.

Let's not forget Jack's daughter 'Dame' Shirley Porter (nee Cohen) and her gerrymandering for the Tories while at Westminister council, who then legged it to Israel when it was found out and the law came calling. She then shifted her fortune around various offshore accounts to try and avoid paying the £42m fine

[DrGreggles]

There's already a supermarket for cunts. It's called Waitrose Tesco

[jobotic]

Jack's. Go the whole hog and call it Gary's.

[Blue Jam]

The correct way of doing supermarket is:

1. Home Bargains for everything you need.
2. Then go to Lidl for all the nice things like Pecan Nuts, cooked meats and wine.
3. Then Sainsbury for whatever you missing (usually frozen veggie stuff).
4. M&S Food for bread.

When I'm buying ingredients for a specific recipe I go to Lidl to get as many ingredients as I can, then to Tesco for anything they haven't got. I don't like Tesco but they've got the only decent-sized supermarket near my flat- I'm in a city centre so it's all Sainsbury's Local and Scotmid round here.

I went to Farmfoods earlier today. That place feels even more downmarket and depressing than Iceland but I got a smoothie maker for my birthday and they do three large bags of frozen fruit for a fiver. That's cheaper than the "smoothie mix" bags you can get everywhere else and cheap frozen fruit looks much posher once you've shoved it in a blender. I think the frozen fruit may be the only healthy thing you can buy there.

[bgmnts]

Home Bargains for everything you need?

Home Bargains is for some spices, some sauces, nstant noodles and thats about it.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Home bargains for everything you need (fray bentos and skol).

[shiftwork2]

Gazza is more of a Jesmond Tesco's man.

Hmmm dunno, I remember one winter there was 1 mm of snow and all the local students went shopping wearing the gear they'd worn a few weeks earlier in St Moritz.

The correct way of doing supermarket is:

1. Home Bargains for everything you need.
2. Then go to Lidl for all the nice things like Pecan Nuts, cooked meats and wine.
3. Then Sainsbury for whatever you missing (usually frozen veggie stuff).
4. M&S Food for bread.

Four shops?  That can't be a solution.  Factor in your time.

[PlanktonSideburns]

They were selling electronic drum kits in Lidl a couple of months ago, for £40. We need more of this, not cheaper sausages and beans (probably with all the nutrients removed).

Unresponsive pads, 250ms latency over USB, really not worth it, when you can get a yamaha dd65 for 50quid second hand on ebay, wich is basically what all those knockoff e drum kits are imitating

[PlanktonSideburns]

Also.lidl are great and tesco can GET FUCKED

[Goldentony]

IT'S FUCKING HOME AND BARGAIN NOT HOME BARGAINS YOU FUCKING POLICE OFFICERS

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

Does anyone still use supermarkets as a barometer of social standing? Seems like a very quaint turn of the millienium thing now, like having a full size midi hi-fi. Virtually all the main players seem to have achieved price parity at this point and the difference in quality is negligible. I think you could swap around the labels/liverary of my locals and I wouldn't have a chance in hell of telling the difference. I reckon Jack's will take up a similar nebulous position at the bottom of the pile.

[buzby]

IT'S FUCKING HOME AND BARGAIN NOT HOME BARGAINS YOU FUCKING POLICE OFFICERS

Is right lid, is right.

[Uncle TechTip]

I hate all supermarkets and get my shopping from a petrol station. Costs me a fucking bomb and is always nearly out of date and coated in dust but it's so convenient.

[Ferris]

When I'm buying ingredients for a specific recipe I go to Lidl to get as many ingredients as I can, then to Tesco for anything they haven't got. I don't like Tesco but they've got the only decent-sized supermarket near my flat- I'm in a city centre so it's all Sainsbury's Local and Scotmid round here.

At the Tesco at the top of Leith walk I once saw a man and his dog walk in about 10 yards, then the dog immediately slowed down, and dropped a massive load of loose turds everywhere. "Fucks sake man!" says the chap, and runs off out the shop back towards Leith, dragging the poor dog behind him.

Mrs Ferris used to live on MacDonald Road so I kept going to that Tesco anyway because they had massive Heinekens for a quid. Devoid of good shops in the city centre really. I mention this only as it may be your very Tesco. They cleaned it up and you can't really tell anymore, I imagine.

[Maurice Yeatman]

At the Tesco at the top of Leith walk I once saw a man and his dog walk in about 10 yards, then the dog immediately slowed down, and dropped a massive load of loose turds everywhere.

"No manners, but what a critic."

[Blue Jam]

Hmmm dunno, I remember one winter there was 1 mm of snow and all the local students went shopping wearing the gear they'd worn a few weeks earlier in St Moritz

Evidently they weren't natives, no-one born in the North East is able to feel the cold.

[Blue Jam]

I mention this only as it may be your very Tesco. They cleaned it up and you can't really tell anymore, I imagine.

Thanks for the public service announcement. Fortunately my Tesco is the big one on Newington Road. I haven't seen any feckless dog owners letting their dogs tod everywhere outside that Tesco but I did once see a busker with a guitar growling a song that went "I FUCKING HATE EDINBURGH / YOU BUNCH OF / SCROTES / WAAAAAANNNKKKERRRS".

[Huxleys Babkins]

People who do their big shop in Home Bargains: DEAD SOON.

[Sebastian Cobb]

It's probably safe to say that every supermarket has seen its fair share of shit and piss. It's probably why they make the floors out of similar stuff to what they use in hospitals.

[BlodwynPig]

Remember Tomorrow's World

Remember the episode " 40 years in the future"

Segment 1

"We'll all have robot butlers"

Segment 2

"We'll be working 3 day weeks with robots doing all the hard work and every family will have their own golf course"

Segment 3

"A decline in standards and intelligence, somewhat paradoxically correlated with the increased availability of information and immediacy of entertainment and news, coupled to a rise in paranoia and fear of "the other" supported by a weakened and venal political class, will give rise to Jack's - a supermarket chain that would make WWII rationing look like the King's Supper"

[Cuellar]

Huge buzz around the first Jack's!

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/sep/20/like-shopping-30-years-ago-first-jacks-customers-sample-new-store

See all the flags in that article made me realise that Jack's is not only there because of Jack Cohen, but Union Jack too.

Wish they'd called it Brexit's. Or Sceptered Aisles (like supermarket aisles).

[BlodwynPig]

Fine Price for cunts

[olliebean]

That "Fresh Five" bollocks, directly pinched from Aldi, that is.

Tesco might be selling products as cheap as Aldi now, but I presume the Aldi products will still be better.

[drummersaredeaf]

Says someone who presumably has never bought ripen at home avocados from Aldi.