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The most effective lie you were told as a child

Started by hedgehog90, September 20, 2018, 02:38:58 AM

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hedgehog90

They put dye in the swimming pool that activates when mixed with child urine.

I think back now and I'm impressed how well this lie propagated and convinced all of us when we were young.
You would never dare test it, just imagine if it were true...

A cloud of purple essence envelops your torso, the teacher blows his whistle and yells at you, your classmates shrieks quickly develop into a chant, "Piss trunks! Piss trunks!" Crying uncontrollably, you climb out the pool and run into the changing rooms, leaving a distinct trail of purple foot prints behind you. Muffled laughter and utterances of your name bleed through the walls, while you consider an effective way to kill yourself with the rubber strap from a pair of swimming goggles.

...Best hold it in.

I must have been in my mid-late teens before I realised it was almost certainly a lie, long after my potential pool-peeing days were over.
Probably best classified as an urban-myth, but unlike most myths it served a purpose. Clearly some very clever adults got together one day and devised this lie in order to reduce pool urine levels to acceptable levels.
But what an effective lie it was.
Bravo, swimming pool illuminati, bravo.

Dex Sawash


Psmith

Religion.
It's never stopped me from doing bad things but I always feel really guilty about it.


Icehaven

That dead cats go to heaven and I'll see them again when I die. Despite over 25 years of good solid atheism and no belief whatsoever that dead humans are reunited in the afterlife, I still can't quite accept I'll never see Stripey, Lewis or Vinnie* again.





* I did not choose that name.

Buelligan

If you're lost or need help, a policeman is your friend and will help you.  Bribery and corruption only happen in places like Italy and Brazil, dodgy latin places, never in Britain.  One day your prince will come.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

Quote from: Psmith on September 20, 2018, 03:01:30 AM
Religion.
It's never stopped me from doing bad things but I always feel really guilty about it.

No that's called morality and ethics. The religion stuff was the ritual and ceremony and funny hats. That still exists, like, it's just called a court room.

Cuellar


doppelkorn

Flicking the light switch on and off really quickly will break it.

YOU SHOULD OF JUST SAID IT WAS ANNOYING, MUM!

The other weird one my mum fostered was that if you touch flour with dirty hands it will explode in your face.

Icehaven

That if you take swimming googles off too quickly it can suck your eyeball out.
That if you re-inhale some of the air while blowing up a balloon you will die.
I still partly believe both these things.


madhair60


Lisa Jesusandmarychain

" you should always read all the preceeding posts on a thread before contributing your own . "

Gregory Torso

Your penis only has a limited number of erections in it, and after they're used up you will never get it up again.

Cut to: me crying on the bus saying "oh no, I'm wasting one!"

yesitsme

When we used to take the kids to shows I always told them that the merchandise sprawl you had to walk through on the way out was 'lost property' and, a variation on an old theme that the ice cream man was just 'calling for his mate, he was too lazy to get out of the van and knock on the door so just played the tune.'

Classic tightwaddery.

Icehaven

#15
Quote from: yesitsme on September 20, 2018, 10:14:45 AM
a variation on an old theme that the ice cream man was just 'calling for his mate, he was too lazy to get out of the van and knock on the door so just played the tune.'


Our was that the ice cream man only plays the tune when he's run out of ice cream.

madhair60

Quote from: Lisa Jesusandmarychain on September 20, 2018, 10:07:24 AM
" you should always read all the preceeding posts on a thread before contributing your own . "

Two people can have the same tragic experience for fuck's sake. #MeToo

Cuellar


Norton Canes


Norton Canes

(Hang on... do they need to be ones you were told only as a child?)

Gregory Torso

Your penis will fall off if you don't give me the nuclear launch codes RIGHT NOW

Icehaven

This isn't a lie as such but it's still something that's had a lasting effect on my psyche. When I was a kid and watching TV with my Mum, when the adverts came on she sometimes used to say things like ''Who are these people talking to? It's not us, we're not who they're advertising at.'' I think she just meant if the ad used language like 'you'/'your family' or seemed to be assuming all viewers had common needs or interests but the product was either out of our price range or she/we would have no use for it, but it actually made me think that we weren't the target of adverts and that the products were really meant for other people (I've no idea who, just other people.) That isn't to say we couldn't have them or want them, just that they weren't meant for us and if we were to try and buy them we'd be doing something outlandish and out of line.
It's actually really weird to remember thinking that now, and I can't remember exactly when I stopped thinking it, or if I have completely. I do have a bit of a fixation with adverts and maybe that's partly why, I still think they're really talking to someone else so I feel a bit left out by them so I over analyse and criticize them in revenge. I'm not explaining this very well but can I just say I'm not insane and I don't believe adverts don't work on me because of course they do, they just don't mean to.

Sherringford Hovis

That you could achieve anything you wanted to if only you set your mind to it and worked hard enough.


DrGreggles


doppelkorn


Utter Shit

Quote from: icehaven on September 20, 2018, 10:16:17 AM
Our was that the ice cream man only plays the tune when he's run out of ice cream.


Samesies.

Also, this one seems to be going around Facebook at the moment but it's spot on - turning the lights on inside a moving car is illegal. I don't understand why my parents/all parents were so dead set against the lights being on that they would bother to lie.

ALSO ALSO, my mum used to tell me that if I didn't wear my glasses I would eventually go blind, and I took this to be true until into my twenties. Not that I thought I would definitely go blind, but that it was a genuine, if unlikely, possibility. Never once questioned it, until well into adulthood.

Captain Z

My mum, to get out of buying me one, told me that her brother (my uncle) had once bitten into a glowstick and his whole head started glowing purple and he had to go to hospital. To this day she swears that she never told me this untrue story.

Icehaven

There was one about if you cross your eyes or pull a face and something in particular happens while you're doing it you'll get stuck like that forever, was it thunder clapping or a full moon or something?

gilbertharding

Quote from: Sherringford Hovis on September 20, 2018, 10:49:31 AM
That you could achieve anything you wanted to if only you set your mind to it and worked hard enough.

That isn't a lie though. Sorry. I mean, test the opposite: will you achieve anything you want to if you don't try and work hard?

If someone had said "You WILL achieve anything you want if only you [etc etc]" that would be a lie.

Perhaps you're just not cut out for achieving anything you want to - or maybe you don't want to achieve anything. That's fine.

Icehaven

Quote from: Captain Z on September 20, 2018, 11:43:49 AM
My mum, to get out of buying me one, told me that her brother (my uncle) had once bitten into a glowstick and his whole head started glowing purple and he had to go to hospital. To this day she swears that she never told me this untrue story.

Your Mother has a poor grasp of child psychology, that'd make most kids not only want a glowstick but definitely bite into it so they could glow purple like on the Ready Brek adverts.