The most effective lie you were told as a child

[The Lion King]

That I should count myself lucky I was not named 'Algernon' because my father was adamant this should be my name until my mother intervened. I don't know what the reason for this lie is, some kind of reminder that the potential was there to name me something uncommon

[bgmnts]

"Don't worry, there won't be any kind of censorship on Twitter"

Can't believe I fell for that one; hook, line and sinker.

[Edgar Balloon III]

That a plug socket left switched on without a plug in it would leak out electricity like a big invisible and deadly cloud. All you had to do was walk too close to it and - ZAP! - you'd be dead. Even now, decades after learning it wasn't true at all, I still compulsively turn off plug sockets wherever I go.

[katzenjammer]

That we couldn't have a colour tv because we only had a black and white aerial.  Genius really.

[kngen]

My dad was (and still is) such a pathological bullshit merchant that life is a constant stream of surprises where some of the fanciful nonsense he told me has actually turned out to be true.

[Seagullsim]

My mum told me that drug pushers would put little bits of heroin (it was the time of Zammo, and 'Just Say No') into McDonalds & Wimpy straws, so that children would get addicted.

Even though it's unlikely (and probably a massive waste of a junkie's supplies), I still look down the straw before I put it into my drink.

Also that sniffing glue (a popular pastime in my era) could be done via a Pritt Stick.

I think my mum might have been a bit too obsessed with drugs to be honest.

[olliebean]

My mum told me that drug pushers would put little bits of heroin (it was the time of Zammo, and 'Just Say No') into McDonalds & Wimpy straws, so that children would get addicted.

Even though it's unlikely (and probably a massive waste of a junkie's supplies), I still look down the straw before I put it into my drink.

So that's what those bloody Humphreys were up to...

[Lord Mandrake]

My nan would insist that she went to school with Bruce Grobbelar. The maths, geography, none of it adds up but she was adamant and if it was a joke she played it dead straight for years. I still dont know what to make of it.

[Small Man Big Horse]

That I should count myself lucky I was not named 'Algernon' because my father was adamant this should be my name until my mother intervened. I don't know what the reason for this lie is, some kind of reminder that the potential was there to name me something uncommon

Not a lie in my case but I was almost a Martin, and almost a Sam. I wouldn't have minded the latter but I'm glad I wasn't the former, every Martin I've ever met has been a right old shit, the type to torture cats and the elderly.

Not a parental lie but I've a friend who claimed she played with Fatboy Slim as a child. This could have been plausible as he grew up in the same small town as us, but there's a ten year age difference between them so unless a sixteen year old Quentin Cook was hanging around with six year old kids I highly doubt it's true.

[Icehaven]

Not a lie in my case but I was almost a Martin, and almost a Sam. I wouldn't have minded the latter but I'm glad I wasn't the former, every Martin I've ever met has been a right old shit, the type to torture cats and the elderly.

Not a parental lie but I've a friend who claimed she played with Fatboy Slim as a child. This could have been plausible as he grew up in the same small town as us, but there's a ten year age difference between them so unless a sixteen year old Quentin Cook was hanging around with six year old kids I highly doubt it's true.

My nan would insist that she went to school with Bruce Grobbelar. The maths, geography, none of it adds up but she was adamant and if it was a joke she played it dead straight for years. I still dont know what to make of it.

My ex's Nan mentioned a few times that she lived near John Prescott when they were young and they played together when they were children, however she died 5 or 6 years ago aged 90 and Prescott is 80 now, so there's at least 15 years between them. In fact he didn't even move near to where she lived until he was 11, by which time she'd have been in her mid 20s. I doubt it was an intentional lie (I mean John Prescott? You just wouldn't bother, would you?), I think she maybe got him mixed up with someone else who looked similar or had a similar name and on hearing Prescott lived near where she grew up for part of his life, jumped to the conclusion it was him. Either that or she had a very strange idea of what it's worth lying about to impress people. 

[Cloud]

In the winter months on the appearance of robins, that they'd fly off to tell father christmas if you're being naughty.  Kept me well behaved, at least until the whole "father christmas" lie unravelled (so like 8 or 9..)

Swallowing chewing gum will kill you

On a similar note, one of our teachers told us that chewing gum at all will kill you.  Because you're chewing away for ours but not actually eating, confusing your stomach into getting overly acidic in expectation of food and eat itself then you die.  A convincing enough lie that it made me afraid of the stuff...

[Icehaven]

On a similar note, one of our teachers told us that chewing gum at all will kill you.  Because you're chewing away for ours but not actually eating, confusing your stomach into getting overly acidic in expectation of food and eat itself then you die.  A convincing enough lie that it made me afraid of the stuff...

I've heard claims that chewing gum a lot can make you gain weight as it makes you hungrier for the same reasons you outline (only without the stomach eating itself bit), but I'm not convinced it's remotely true. I can't test it myself because I'm always hungry anyway.