How self-conscious are you?

[colacentral]

I was going to reply to up_the_hampipe's post in the "what's your favourite subject that keeps getting repeated?" thread but decided that it was a bit too off-topic:

Yeah, great for social anxiety to see that people are just as judgemental as you feared they were. Let's never leave the house again.

On this point: I have no issue with the comments on certain cunty / annoying  behaviours of the general public, as most people are idiots and commenting on that is the basis of most if not all comedy. But there are always certain nasty comments on the forum about things like the way people dress or their hair that cause me a bit of anxiety, as someone who is often self-conscious about stuff like that.

Growing up I would always exasperate my mum and barber by asking for a "normal" haircut because I felt like a twat having any kind of style that could have the piss taken out of it. They never knew what I meant and neither did I, really. In hindsight it was probably a generic combover lego-hair look. I'd inevitably just end up with a trim all over and a straight fringe. Never any wax or gel - didn't want to create the perception that I cared in any way about my appearance (the opposite of the truth).

I hate buying new clothes because I feel like a twat picking things out, not knowing if other people are thinking "look at that cunt trying on that stupid shirt." I'm mortified stepping out of changing rooms to show my girlfriend what I've tried on.

Buying trainers is even worse as they all look hideous to me when they're new, I have big clown feet, and you have to do that stupid catwalk in front of the shop employee who probably thinks you're trying on cunt shoes.

That said, it doesn't help with anxiety over stuff like that when you read comments taking the piss out of people ostensibly for dressing nice, ie not in the standard acceptable plain t-shirt and jeans uniform.

Not meant to be a forum complaint thread by the way, just something I thought about as an offshoot of that other thread. How self-conscious are you?

[Mr_Simnock]

I've become less so as I have aged but it largely depends on the situation.

didn't want to create the perception that I cared in any way about my appearance (the opposite of the truth)

I can identify with that, I do care about my appearance but not to a huge extent and I don't like the idea of people thinking I am vain (which I am in my own way).

[pancreas]

I'd say I'm hyper-conscious, in that I'm pleased to think I can read people's expressions like a book—and therefore have a very strong sense of what they think about me. But I also don't allow myself to give a shit what they think in any case.

On the issue you mentioned: people in shoe shops just want you to tell them what you want, don't they? There are 100 people in and out every day and they've all got something gone wrong about them. Why would they focus on you?

[greenman]

I'd say I'm hyper-conscious, in that I'm pleased to think I can read people's expressions like a book—and therefore have a very strong sense of what they think about me. But I also don't allow myself to give a shit what they think in any case.

People watchers test to give it a try...

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/03/well-quiz-the-mind-behind-the-eyes/

I wonder if being good at this naturally tends to make people more guarded? as if you can read so much from others you become aware of how much your giving away yourself.

[QDRPHNC]

32!



"scared"

[pancreas]

People watchers test to give it a try...

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/03/well-quiz-the-mind-behind-the-eyes/

I wonder if being good at this naturally tends to make people more guarded? as if you can read so much from others you become aware of how much your giving away yourself.

30. The six I got wrong were all female...

[Spoon of Ploff]

26. Bloody typical. If only I'd been able to see the ears goddamnit.



"perturbed"

[Pijlstaart]

You're not meant to look at faces though, that means you're doing it wrong. You stare off into the middle distance. The head of my institute is a giant with a liver-spotted face and you get lost in it, you're drawn in to these contorting dancing patterns of infinite complexity, you want to loop around all the spots with a felt-tip pen, convinced there is treasure in the maze. Stop looking at each other is the solution, not even effigies of people, islamic art had this figured out ages ago.

[Noonling]

People watchers test to give it a try...

https://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/03/well-quiz-the-mind-behind-the-eyes/

I wonder if being good at this naturally tends to make people more guarded? as if you can read so much from others you become aware of how much your giving away yourself.

From now on I'm going to assume all women want to have sex with me, while men can have a variety of emotions.

[Janie Jones]

- didn't want to create the perception that I cared in any way about my appearance (the opposite of the truth).

That struck such a chord with me! I was in my mid 20s and unhappy with the slow rate at which I was losing weight after having a baby and I hated the way I looked so I couldn't bear to comb my hair or put on make up or wear anything nice in case anyone looked at me and thought, 'Oh god, poor cow, she actually cares what she looks like! She's a disgusting fat heffer and she's actually bothered to put on a pretty scarf and some lipstick, as if anyone cares!' That's a very fucked up way to think and as you say, the opposite of not caring.

My mum, exasperated with my shyness as a kid, used to tell me it was vain and selfish to assume people were looking at me or caring about whether or not I was even in the room. I suppose the words 'self-conscious' say it all, really.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

34/36

If you take your time I think that's a doddle. Also I don't think getting them right means much* as you're going on 1 obscured image with preset choices, it's hardly like the millions of things you have to process when meeting someone in real life.

_{*other than I'm so so clever}

[manticore]

I wonder if being good at this naturally tends to make people more guarded? as if you can read so much from others you become aware of how much your giving away yourself.

I'm very good at intuitively reading people's emotions and motivations in real life, which has made me aware of how bad a lot of people are it, so it doesn't really make me more guarded.

My worst self-consciousness thing comes from being an easy blusher, and the mental process in which I think 'God, I hope no one thinks I'm embarassed or guilty about this', even when I'm not actually embarassed or guilty about it. That very mental process causes me to blush at the thought that someone might think I'm embarassed or feeling guilty about it. This has almost certainly led people to think I'm guilty of some bad things, like embezzlement for one example.

I do not know if that last paragraph was comprehensible.

[Icehaven]

Painfully so as a teenager, gradually petering out in my 20s and now not even slightly. I genuinely can't remember the last time I felt embarrassed or uncomfortable about being looked at or anything. I was in a shop the other day and I dropped a shedload of coins all over the floor and had to crawl around on my knees with my arse in the air picking them up from under shelves. It made me a bit late for work so when I got in I told my colleagues what had happened (and because I thought I'd give them a laugh at my misfortune) and one of them said she'd have been 'mortified' if that had happened to her. It hadn't even occurred to me to be embarrassed, just a bit annoyed and inconvenienced. I'm not some hideous exhibitionist or anything though and I certainly don't deliberately draw attention to myself, I just know it doesn't matter and even if a crowd had gathered pointing and laughing that wouldn't matter either.
A while ago in a thread about drinking too much I was critical of comments from people blithely saying they barely drank or that they'd found it fairly easy to cut down or stop whenever they wanted to as being unhelpful and not understanding that what was simple for them could be extremely complicated for others, and now I feel a bit like I'm on the other side of the coin on this one. I could sit here and tell you you aren't being looked at a fraction as much as you think and that even the people that do notice you aren't judging you half as much as you think, and that they really don't care anyway, and no one thinks you're a cunt for looking at shirts, and loads of other things that you've probably told yourself a thousand times but it's pointless as there's various complex reasons why I know these things and think no more about it and you know them too but you still do.

[Deyv]

My worst self-consciousness thing comes from being an easy blusher, and the mental process in which I think 'God, I hope no one thinks I'm embarassed or guilty about this', even when I'm not actually embarassed or guilty about it. That very mental process causes me to blush at the thought that someone might think I'm embarassed or feeling guilty about it. This has almost certainly led people to think I'm guilty of some bad things, like embezzlement for one example.

I do not know if that last paragraph was comprehensible.

I understand what you mean, and I'm the same, although in the past few years its morphed into getting angry at myself because of this, and then it seems that I'm getting angry at whoever I'm talking to. I was visiting friends last week and we were talking nonsense about serious issues and at one point a friend asked why I was getting so angry, and I couldn't find the words to explain that I was just getting angry at myself for being angry about feeling embarrassed that people might think I was being embarrassed.

I find communication so fucking hard.

[Golden E. Pump]

I have never given a single shit about what people think of my appearance and never will. I've had ridiculous hairstyles, worn platform shoes with fish in them and own two metallic gold suits. Not a single fuck was given.

[greenman]

32!



"scared"

"Russian stoicism in zero G" wouldn't fit.

34 as well, time to move onto measuring index:ring finger ratios to highlight how nice and empathic we all naturally are?

I'm very good at intuitively reading people's emotions and motivations in real life, which has made me aware of how bad a lot of people are it, so it doesn't really make me more guarded.

My worst self-consciousness thing comes from being an easy blusher, and the mental process in which I think 'God, I hope no one thinks I'm embarassed or guilty about this', even when I'm not actually embarassed or guilty about it. That very mental process causes me to blush at the thought that someone might think I'm embarassed or feeling guilty about it. This has almost certainly led people to think I'm guilty of some bad things, like embezzlement for one example.

I do not know if that last paragraph was comprehensible.

I'm guessing CaB as a whole would be biased towards the more intuitive? it doesn't really seem like a place that attracts the brash.

Personally I find theres a very significant divide between how self conscious I am in appearance and how I am with any kind of social interaction, the former I tend to have more of an observers view in public rather than feeling self conscious, the latter I definitely have an aversion to showing strong emotion in front of anyone but those I'm very trusting in. I wouldn't want to paint myself as having had a terrible childhood compared to some of what I'v read here but the reality is I was very shy growing up and that sense of my inability to control my emotions as a sign of weakness is something that's never really gone away as much as I'd often wish it would.

[Glebe]

I've always been very self-conscious, have improved with age, but it's still a problem tbh.

[bgmnts]

Very.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

32 / 36, tend to agree with The Boy Shoulders that that exercise ain't too difficult.

[Icehaven]

I got 31 but some of them are absurdly easy and others a fairly simple process of elimination because a few of the options were daft. But I guess that's the point, if you weren't good at it they might not seem daft.

[to infect aside]

Pathologically so, and I've let it derail my life in a fairly big way.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Painfully so as a teenager, gradually petering out in my 20s and now not even slightly. I genuinely can't remember the last time I felt embarrassed or uncomfortable about being looked at or anything.

I'm pretty much the same apart from it was when I was about 18 that I realised I took myself incredibly seriously, and how ridiculous this was, and managed to stop caring fairly quickly. I'd still have the odd bout of being self-concious for a while, but since my late twenties I haven't in the slightest.

[mrpupkin]

Are they pictures of people actually experiencing the stated emotion though, or models/actors being told to telegraph something? If the latter then what is it supposed to tell us about real life, where no one does that except to deceive?

[pancreas]

Well that was part of my problem. It was more of an effort of 'what is this person trying to convey' than a forensic investigation.

(my pathetic excuse, at any rate)

[Psmith]

I've reached an age where I have achieved complete invisibility.It's very liberating.

[bgmnts]

I only got 29 which is annoying.

[Spoon of Ploff]

Getting the lowest score out of all of us has made me more self-conscious than I was before. So, thanks for that.

[monolith]

I was going to reply to up_the_hampipe's post in the "what's your favourite subject that keeps getting repeated?" thread but decided that it was a bit too off-topic:

On this point: I have no issue with the comments on certain cunty / annoying  behaviours of the general public, as most people are idiots and commenting on that is the basis of most if not all comedy. But there are always certain nasty comments on the forum about things like the way people dress or their hair that cause me a bit of anxiety, as someone who is often self-conscious about stuff like that.

Growing up I would always exasperate my mum and barber by asking for a "normal" haircut because I felt like a twat having any kind of style that could have the piss taken out of it. They never knew what I meant and neither did I, really. In hindsight it was probably a generic combover lego-hair look. I'd inevitably just end up with a trim all over and a straight fringe. Never any wax or gel - didn't want to create the perception that I cared in any way about my appearance (the opposite of the truth).

I hate buying new clothes because I feel like a twat picking things out, not knowing if other people are thinking "look at that cunt trying on that stupid shirt." I'm mortified stepping out of changing rooms to show my girlfriend what I've tried on.

Buying trainers is even worse as they all look hideous to me when they're new, I have big clown feet, and you have to do that stupid catwalk in front of the shop employee who probably thinks you're trying on cunt shoes.

That said, it doesn't help with anxiety over stuff like that when you read comments taking the piss out of people ostensibly for dressing nice, ie not in the standard acceptable plain t-shirt and jeans uniform.

Not meant to be a forum complaint thread by the way, just something I thought about as an offshoot of that other thread. How self-conscious are you?

You're certainly not alone, thanks for posting this, related to most if not all of it. It's gotten a little better with age, I still get anxious buying clothes and having a hair cut still fills me with dread but I can at least just about do it now and usually survive the process.

I think a big help has been the realisation that there will always be someone who decides to mock your appearance even if you're the coolest fuck in town. Accepting that you can't please or even just appease everyone helps because when you stop trying to it's freeing. Not that I'm entirely there yet, but moving in the right direction.

[jobotic]

I think I look quite handsome from some angles and minging from others. Just to have to accept that I can't go about my business controlling which angle people see me from so that's that. Could live without these acne scars, mind.

As for clothes I feel comfortable in them and think they suit me or I wouldn't have bought them. There's plenty of things that people wear that suit them really well but I'd feel really silly in - I don't look down on them though and I assume people don't me.

[Norton Canes]

Never been particularly concerned about what people think of me. At school that manifested itself as being a real show-off and by the time I got to Uni I was dressing in all kinds of outlandish clothes. I think all that confidence and not-arsedery came at the cost of being able to interact with people on more subtle social levels.

A few years ago I did an evening course on acting skills which went beyond straightforward stagecraft and into discussions on how people project themselves, and how others perceive them. It was really insightful and I guess I've adapted my attitude and behaviour a little in the wake of it.