How self-conscious are you?

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

I'm very good at intuitively reading people's emotions and motivations in real life, which has made me aware of how bad a lot of people are it, so it doesn't really make me more guarded.

I'm like this. The only thing that counteracts it is one and a half beers (never more than that; we've all seen the Mitchell & Webb sketch) or a night of not sleeping particularly well. Then I can just sort of float around in the sort of unprepossessing haze I imagine most other people do on the natch. My sister seems to be of the same disposition to me too, though it's interesting how her coping mechanism has been to assume a position of complete normality - clothes, opinions, haircut - whereas I've gone for a hiding-in-plain-sight approach of dressing like a complete bellend and attending Fortean Society meetings.

Living in London helps too of course.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

I used to be extremely self-conscious, but mainly in a motivation to blend in so I wouldn't be targeted by bullies/scallies, and/or NOT wear whatever people dressed in flavour of the month fashions were wearing. I think balding didn't help either. I did worry a lot about that.

But then a couple of long term relationships and a shiny bald pate and being 30 has wiped those neuroses away. I also noticed towards the end of my 20s younger people almost by default looking up to me, which I found bizarre as someone with very low self-esteem at that point. That got me thinking that this is all bullshit. We aren't in school anymore.

My advice for anyone with crippling self-consciousness is to go bald, today.

[machotrouts]

Getting the lowest score out of all of us has made me more self-conscious than I was before. So, thanks for that.

It's okay, you didn't, I got 25, and I wasn't going to post about it on here until I saw this post, so I'm very considerate of other people's feelings actually.

There were a few I got right by chance, including a couple where I saw the eyes and thought "well, they're clearly terrified" and the options were along the lines of "loving", "sensual", "warm", "euphoric", and, more worryingly, eyes that I immediately clocked as flirtatious and then the options were all, like, "anxious", "revolted", "abject horror", "planning an escape"

As for how self-conscious I am, well, I've taken the time out to type this last sentence to acknowledge that this is not supposed to be a thread about that quiz, and that my post is making it even more about that quiz than it was. I'm sorry everybody. I'm sorry

[canadagoose]

I got 26 in that quiz and I thought I wasn't doing too bad. I think I'd be better in real life, maybe.

I'm quite self-conscious but less so now than I was in my early 20s. I've stopped giving a shit about a lot of things when it comes to other people. People can be right prats (me included).

[Captain Z]

I'm not self-conscious in the slightest.

[Captain Z]

Oh god, does that make me sound really arrogant...?

[Icehaven]

Oh god, does that make me sound really arrogant...?

No, I don't believe so. I worried I sounded so too, but that's more like brashly marching through the world thinking you're always right and no one else's thoughts are worthy of your time. Simply being comfortable in yourself and knowing it doesn't matter what strangers passing you in the street think of you, and that they probably aren't thinking of you at all anyway, and not feeling scrutinised or uncomfortable in public in the way some people have described in this thread isn't arrogant. 

[Avril Lavigne]

Captain Z's posts were a meta-joke, Shirley?

[manticore]

I've always been very self-conscious, have improved with age, but it's still a problem tbh.

I can only reinforce what a number of people have said in this thread and elsewhere, that self-consciousness really does improve with age for the large majority of people. For instance even at the extreme advanced age of 56 I still sometimes blush unnecesarily, but over the years I've come to think sod it, there's nothing I can do to control what other people think, and go on pretty much unabashed. It's a good feeling when you find you can do that.

[Sony Walkman Prophecies]

I used to be extremely self-conscious, but mainly in a motivation to blend in so I wouldn't be targeted by bullies/scallies, and/or NOT wear whatever people dressed in flavour of the month fashions were wearing. I think balding didn't help either. I did worry a lot about that.

But then a couple of long term relationships and a shiny bald pate and being 30 has wiped those neuroses away. I also noticed towards the end of my 20s younger people almost by default looking up to me, which I found bizarre as someone with very low self-esteem at that point. That got me thinking that this is all bullshit. We aren't in school anymore.

My advice for anyone with crippling self-consciousness is to go bald, today.

I think being worried about gangs of teens is something that naturally starts to ebb away after your mid to late 20s. After that point, you're into 'old man' territory and thus become untouchable. Too risky. You might be a filing clerk at the county court, or know the ombudsman by his given name. Best just leave it mate.

[canadagoose]

I think being worried about gangs of teens is something that naturally starts to ebb away after your mid to late 20s. After that point, you're into 'old man' territory and thus become untouchable. Too risky. You might be a filing clerk at the county court, or know the ombudsman by his given name. Best just leave it mate.

I still worry about them, but they tend not to bother me that much. I do feel vulnerable if I'm on a bus with a gang of rowdy teenagers, though. I feel like it's possible they could attack me.

[to infect aside]

Did anybody else find it easier to read the expressions of one gender over the other in that quiz thingy? I got most of the female ones right, most of the male ones wrong. Overall score (21) accurately reflects my IRL social retardation issues, but it was surprising to see that gender bias considering how inept I am at interacting with the sexier sex.

[Janie Jones]

I hadn't a clue in that face-reading quiz, any gender. I'm oblivious. I have sat in a meeting room between 2 colleagues who hadn't previously met but who experienced an instant and electrifying mutual attraction and had sex with each other within 2 hours (that anecdote is on these boards somewhere) so I know I am useless at picking up nuances and expressions and subtle signals. It's not something I'd say has caused me much of a problem over the years. Maybe my colleagues there might disagree, when, desperate to be alone together to rip each others' clothes off, instead had to put up with me saying brightly, 'Shall we go over this pitch one more time, just to make sure nothing that's thrown at us tomorrow can catch us off guard?'

To anyone who is self-conscious about an aspect of their appearance e.g. things mentioned in this thread such as acne scars, blushing, baldness, please can I repeat the words of my psychotherapist friend: Do people notice the thing you are self conscious about? Yes, they probably do. If they are interacting with you, they probably see it. Do they find it unattractive? You don't know. You simply don't know that so don't try to guess. Do they judge you as diminished or less worthwhile because of that particular aspect of your appearance? Almost certainly not. And if they did, fuck 'em, you don't want wankers like that in your life anyway. Some of us learn this as we get older as manticore and others have said above, so if you can give yourself a head start and learn it while you're young, so much the better.

[Jockice]

So self-conscious that nowadays I often come across as totally unself-conscious. I've trained myself to not notice people noticing me. Like another poster said, my mum used to come out with all the: 'Nobody stares at you. Who would be interested in looking at you?'' stuff. The thing is I did (and still do) get stared at, so it didn't help at all. Another one was when I was looking at myself in the mirror trying to work out how any member of the human race could possibly look like that and she'd say: 'Stop admiring yourself. You're always admiring yourself.' Er, no...

I've always had BIG problems with the way I'd look and when I was younger I realised that it feels worse being singled out if you're trying to blend in than if you're not (I even wrote an article about it once, called The Grey Sweatshirt Theory. Don't bother looking, it's not on the internet) so if you already stand out in any way, you might as well exaggerate this. I know this is an old idea (which I believe was espoused by Andy Warhol) and though I was never Jarvis Cocker or Marilyn (chance'd be a fine thing. In both cases), I'd dress slightly strangely and have slightly weird haircuts. Which sort of worked, although sometimes it would blow up in my face if I got it wrong and got was laughed at for a shit shirt when I was already in a bad mood or something.

Now I'm older I'm past caring about hairdos (it's falling out anyway) or shit shirts (although of course I am still the coolest motherfucker on earth) but I've conditioned my brain to cope with being an outsider to a certain extent. I'm still capable of moments of extreme self-consciousness though, but that's usually reserved for times like when my trousers fell down in front of my next door neighbour happen. And this actually did happen. He moved away not long afterwards.

[manticore]

The Guardian really wants you to feel self-conscious. This isn't creepy at all, of course not, no it's not stalking, it's art.

I mean what the fuck do they think they're promoting here? Do they have any sense of responsibilty at all for the kind of behaviour they're encouraging, to stalk people across cities and think they won't be aware and be freaked out?

https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2018/sep/21/i-follow-a-different-person-every-day-using-strangers-to-explore-the-city?CMP=twt_gu

[greenman]

The "rules of the art of following" seem closely linked to the trousers someone is wearing, is tightness a factor? having a sizeble arse I'm wondering if I'm going to become a pied piper leading guardian readers around the more photogenic bits of industrial decay in Bristol and the odd 2nd hand bookshop next time I'm there. Maybe some kind of pro Corbyn sticker is needed to ward them off?

As mentioned the quiz did seem a little dodgy in basically having all the female eyes showing some kind of attraction that was a good deal easier to guess.

[flotemysost]

The Guardian really wants you to feel self-conscious. This isn't creepy at all, of course not, no it's not stalking, it's art.

I mean what the fuck do they think they're promoting here? Do they have any sense of responsibilty at all for the kind of behaviour they're encouraging, to stalk people across cities and think they won't be aware and be freaked out?

https://www.theguardian.com/cities/2018/sep/21/i-follow-a-different-person-every-day-using-strangers-to-explore-the-city?CMP=twt_gu

Bloody hell. Because what we really need is more reasons to legitimise potentially creepy, threatening behaviour.

I can definitely relate to the posts here saying that self-consciousness put them off wanting to make an effort with their appearance - during my years of being convinced I was the most hideous thing in all Creation, I thought I'd just be pitied for even attempting to polish such a repulsive turd.

Those days are behind me, thank goodness, but I sometimes have the odd moment - e.g. at work I generally re-apply a bit of face powder around lunchtime so I don't look too shiny in afternoon meetings, and I tend to do it in the cubicle rather than in front of the mirror in case someone thinks I'm a vain, preening idiot. (Not that I would think this of anyone else applying make-up/checking themselves in the mirror, obviously.)

I also sometimes cringe after hearing my own stupid voice in the office during quiet moments, and I imagine everyone's silently praying for me to shut the fuck up, even that woman who sucks her fingers really loudly and disgustingly all the time.