Are you self pitying?

[bgmnts]

I have been called self pitying quite a few times in my life the past decade or so and K am wondering if anyone has also been labelled as such.

I honestly don't feel I am, I feel people tend to misconstrue self-effacing humour and brutal honesty about themselves with self pity. I understand that's an easy mistake to make but it still is odd.

Do people not really get self deprecation anymore or do people have a point when they accuse you of feeling sorry for yourself?

[to infect aside]

If your life is clearly bad and embarrassing, that brutal self-effacing humour stuff will interpreted much more literally by others as it tallies up too well with reality for it be all that funny.

[Noonling]

I honestly don't feel I am, I feel people tend to misconstrue self-effacing humour and brutal honesty about themselves with self pity. I understand that's an easy mistake to make but it still is odd.

I do the reverse - tell everyone how brilliant I am - thus never get told I'm self pitying. I rather hope it seeps into my subconscious and I become brilliant through my own belief in myself.

I do recommend it though, sounding ridiculously arrogant is more fun than sounding self-pitying. Thus far no one has ever seemed to think I'm a genuine wanker, so I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm just being silly.

[Pijlstaart]

I was always jealous of the india boys growing up, they always seemed so rough and tumble. They eat mutton, said the coach, that's why they're so strong and tough. They were hairy as well as strong, very hairy, and when they'd turn up to tussle on the school field, they'd overpower my pale young frame with ease. I have never come to terms with this and I am very self-pitying.

[pancreas]

I would describe the following posts as self-pitying:

Condoms really. I am very boring.

Fucking bliss.

I would like a few days respite from anxiety and loneliness and self loathing. Just a few days. Like a colonic irrigation.

I would also like a girlfriend or friends to hang out with just for a week or two.

I would also like a 'win'.

I would like quite a bit I guess!

So not only self-pitying but self-loathing. Plus the OP is itself self-pitying. Have you considered pulling yourself together?

[mothman]

I don't think I'm self-pitying, but in the past when I've talked about the bad shit that's gone down, people say I came across as quite bitter. Which I found surprising at the time. Now, I don't know if I'm still bitter, but I reckon in hindsight I'd probably have good cause to be.

[bgmnts]

I would describe the following posts as self-pitying:

So not only self-pitying but self-loathing. Plus the OP is itself self-pitying. Have you considered pulling yourself together?

Surely self pitying is meant to have some kind of emotion attached to it. Just blase stating facts is surely just normal. Maybe its hard to get across over text.

I will definitely try pulling myself together though!

[to infect aside]

There is emotion attached to those plainly stated facts, because they describe situations that would make the vast majority of people feel sad inside.

[Cuellar]

Are these threads leading up to a Scientology pitch?

[The Boston Crab]

Not once in my entire life for I am a true champion and refuse to acknowledge reality.

[Jockice]

Default disabled person's position. Complain about anything and you're self-pitying. Don't complain about anything and you get told you should complain because your life's obviously so terrible. But you're also brave apparently. As someone once told me, I 'never give up.' Er, how does he know? I can guarantee if you were to follow me for a random 24-hour period, you'd see me giving up several times.

You also attract people who like to moan because you've obviously also suffered (even if it is in a totally different way) so are more likely to be sympathetic. But after they've told you their woes in great detail it's usually: 'Oh, I suppose I can't really complain. It could be worse. I could be like you.' Gee thanks!

[Sherringford Hovis]

I am a fool*. Mr T pities me so I don't have to.


_{*In a courtly sense, in that I point out uncomfortable truths, and caper a bit with bells on my shoes. Might even wheel out the occasional "prithee" and "Nuncle" for punters likely to tip handsomely.}

[thenoise]

Have you tried not being so shit?

[Jumblegraws]

Was called this a couple of times in my early twenties and, like you, wondered if this was accurate. But I came to the conclusion that the broader point was I was becoming a bit self-absorbed and this was leaching into my conversations. So without knowing you too well, bgmnts, I'd guess that when people call you self-pitying, what they really mean is "you seem overly preoccupied with your perceived faults and tribulations", which, if you're being repeatedly told this, probably holds true whether it's self-pity, self-deprecation or brutal honesty.

[The Boston Crab]

Self-deprecation can be really wearing. Sprinkle a little here and there to be show your humility but people have got enough of their own shit without constantly feeling they have to inflate your fragile ego in every conversation. It's boring. Might sound a bit harsh but it's great advice.

[manticore]

Pitying someone involves looking down on them, so if you feel self-pity you're looking down on yourself. You're dividing yourself into two which is a lie that allows you to regard yourself as an object that isn't responsible for its actions.

If you ever find yourself thinking 'oh everyone else is having a great time and I'm having such a terrible time', please don't, because you're allowing yourself to be driven by envy, which is a destructive emotion both for you and towards other people.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I'd consider the op to be self pitying, yes. Every other thread he's put up on here is " I've no friends " this, and " my life is dull " that. Fuck's sake. I don't want to read that drivel. I've got drivel of my own to be composing  to put on here. As somebody else has put elsewhere on this thread, pull yourself together, man. Posts you put on 'Ere. Fucking state of 'em.

[Barry Admin]

...

[to infect aside]

bgmnts, have you ever considered trying out some sort of strenuous manual labour type work? I'm in a pretty similar boat to yours (Milhouse brain, life has gone accordingly) and it's like the one thing I've found so far that genuinely offers some mental respite. Kicks the metabolism up a notch as well.

[Large Noise]

I wouldn't say you're self-pitying exactly, because to pity someone implies that you think they've suffered some misfortune or injustice. I'd say you're more self-loathing; you seem to think that your life's shit and you deserve it.

Personally I find it a bit odd that someone your age (I think we're about the same age actually) seems so resigned to the notion that things won't get better. I'm a bit of a pathetic loser myself, but I'm also aware that I've got my whole life ahead of me and a lot of ability to influence how it pans out.

I can think of 4 people I know who just up and fucked off to different countries (China, South Korea, Germany, Canada) because they were bored with their lives. If you've got no mates and no sexual prospects, you can genuinely just fuck off fuck right off to Berlin and get a job in a bar and see what happens.