Shit hotel experiences

[rm2kmaster]

Hey now the harleys a belting place only occasionally filled with student cunts.

[QDRPHNC]

I love hotels and motels, and have a terrifically low bar. So I wouldn't describe any of them as "shit". My most recent experience was a leaking ceiling, taps which moved around on the end of pipes sticking out of the wall and a big cockroach in the bathroom, thankfully drowned in the pool of water under the u-bend.

My most memorable was somewhere in Illinois, I think it was about 2am and I'd been driving for about 16 hours or so, and exhausted beyond belief. The lobby was closed, so you had to go up to this little window to check in. Amazingly, there were 2 people in front of me, each of whom took an absurdly long time to deal with what is really a very simple transaction.

Anyway, finally get the room, and the surfaces are covered in strings of dried jism. The two beds, the nightstands, the sideboard thing the TV sits on. So profuse was the issue that you could actually see where the mucky customer had been lying (at least for the majority of it), due to the splatter patterns refining into the sharp point of a triangle about halfway down one of the beds.

I quickly did the mental math of how long it would take to get another room, how tired I was, and decided to just lie down in it and go to sleep.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I love hotels and motels, and have a terrifically low bar. So I wouldn't describe any of them as "shit". My most recent experience was a leaking ceiling, taps which moved around on the end of pipes sticking out of the wall and a big cockroach in the bathroom, thankfully drowned in the pool of water under the u-bend.

My most memorable was somewhere in Illinois, I think it was about 2am and I'd been driving for about 16 hours or so, and exhausted beyond belief. The lobby was closed, so you had to go up to this little window to check in. Amazingly, there were 2 people in front of me, each of whom took an absurdly long time to deal with what is really a very simple transaction.

Anyway, finally get the room, and the surfaces are covered in strings of dried jism. The two beds, the nightstands, the sideboard thing the TV sits on. So profuse was the issue that you could actually see where the mucky customer had been lying (at least for the majority of it), due to the splatter patterns refining into the sharp point of a triangle about halfway down one of the beds.

I quickly did the mental math of how long it would take to get another room, how tired I was, and decided to just lie down in it and go to sleep.

https://youtu.be/sJo-udR4M6U

[QDRPHNC]

https://youtu.be/sJo-udR4M6U

Ooh, I like that.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

A hotel above a pub in Sheffield edit: It was called The Harley- Was staying there because everywhere else was booked and we had a gig to go to. They had Djs until 3 in the morning and I was directly above the dancefloor. Even though I was smashed from the gig, I still woke about 1 and was kept up by some doof doof dance music for 2 hours. Room was quite shit too but it was cheap so hey ho and also the breakfast was splendid. Not too bad really apart from that fucking music until

The Harley? Christ, I could have spared you from that one. No idea why anyone would try and sleep there.

[Yussef Dent]

The Harley? Christ, I could have spared you from that one. No idea why anyone would try and sleep there.

I think it still has that offering to suit the clientele of people who plan to stay out until 4am and end up in The Harley, for that it works quite brilliantly!

[kngen]

Ooh, I like that.

Buck 65 on the mic, just so you know. Dunno why he's not credited.

[Ferris]

Hey now the harleys a belting place only occasionally filled with student cunts.

Played a show there once (hard to get!) for fifty quid each and as much Tanquerey as we could drink. They stopped us after 3 bottles, the squares.

Edit: I remember going up the stairs (purple for some reason) and smoking cigs with one leg out a sash window in the early evening. Was that a hotel?! Christ.

[Ferris]

The Harley? Christ, I could have spared you from that one. No idea why anyone would try and sleep there.

It really is the sort of place you only "sleep" at if you are face down in a urinal. Otherwise you make it to some other fuckers shitty student house, as is proper.

[Nice Relaxing Poo]

The Harley? Christ, I could have spared you from that one. No idea why anyone would try and sleep there.

As I said, it was the last resort,  everywhere else was booked.

[Kryton]

The absolute worst place I ever stayed was one particular 'hotel' in India in Ahmedabad (I think?). The Lonely planet had suggested it and having arrived there at 4am, we took it.

Anyway, the room was on the 5th floor and the corridors all ended with some kind of open area full of sinks, in which a load of Indian men were loudly clearing their throats and gobbing into. Our room was utterly featureless (just a bed and a door to a 'toilet') and the wall kind of ended before the ceiling and was replaced with a series of metal bars, which meant absolutely no sound insulation (so all we heard was the guys hocking up phlegm into as is tradition in Indian culture). Loud footsteps, shouting....

The room itself was dirty and one wall in particular was coated in some kind of brown-red substance which resembled blood (but was in fact some kind of juice byproduct from chewing tobacco), which had probably been spat on the wall over a series of years. The windows had bars across and the view opposite was basically a trash yard.

We were both sick, I had a stomach infection and she was suffering from sun-stroke. We couldn't sleep because of the horrible noises and clatter and general feeling of gloom. So we decided that I would make my way to the train station and book us some tickets when the station opened. This took longer than expected even though the station was only ten minutes away due to the fact that the road was a fucking death trap of chaotic traffic. It took me ages to cross over and book the tickets and walk back. When i returned to our room, my girlfriend at the time told me that the minute I'd left the room, she'd been subjected to some scary banging on the door and a load of men trying to get into the room (as they'd seen me leave and knew she was alone). Thankfully she was smart enough not to answer, but they had been pushing on the door and cat-calling her and were apparently really intimidating. But they were long gone by the time I'd gotten back, but she was obviously very frightened by the whole experience.

We fucked off pretty sharpish after that. But it was horribly unpleasant.

[Dex Sawash]

I was sure that story had an epic shitting component too^

[drummersaredeaf]

I've had two horror shows in Sheffield, and both trying to do it on the cheap.

Firstly there's a hostel called Russel Scott on the streets of Philadelphia. The immediate surroundings seemed a bit rough, but the true horror was inside. There were four of us across two rooms. My room contained a load of some other lad's stuff. There was a clothes rail full of all his shirts, and a brand new pair of Clark's shoes on the floor. "Don't worry, he won't be back this weekend". Whether he knew we were in his room is another matter. The room next door didn't even have a bed on arrival. They said they would build it that afternoon and leave the key above a picture frame just outside the door. When we got back it had indeed been made, but the door was unlocked along with all their kit inside. Decent kitchen though. Any reviews you'll find suggest it's not the most professional operation around.

More recently I stayed at Sleep just off the ring road. Room was generally shite, and more like a halls of residence in freshers' week. Screaming youth running up and down the corridor, and a shared bathroom that was battered.

I've had much more luck doing hotels on the cheap on the continent though.

[sevendaughters]

i. hostel in Stockholm. an English guy cottoned on to me and asked to use my phone. this was 2006 and i was PAYG. he rinsed all my credit in one call and then tagged along to the pub i went to to avoid him and i still got him a drink. as his round was due the friend he had called turned up and they pissed off. he looked like the English guy from the episode of Seinfeld actually that gets Jerry's free suit.

i was in a dorm of six which led onto a dorm of four occupied by 4 braying Irishmen who embodied the stereotypes of the Irish reveller. they caused a hell of a commotion (ten minutes of loud noise outside the room at 3.30am) bringing some women back, none of whom spoke English, heard one of them saying "I just keep saying CIAO BELLA" to them and they fockin love it!" (and they did! and i was particularly unconfident with women at this time so I am annoyed and awake).

the final straw came when another English guy, from Widnes, snored like an oboe with a broken reed. we were both on the bottom bunk and our heads were basically next to each other in adjacent/perpendicular beds. in a massive huff i packed up and walked to the bus station and waited for my airport bus there for 4 hours. as i left the hostel the corridors were coated in vimto where the Irish and their quarry had been sloshing it around on their way to the room.

ii. Seoul. i was out there seeing a girl who had a permanent flat in the same building, one storey up. there wasn't room in her room so i got a temporary flat downstairs ordinarily rented out for students taking exams at the university nearby. it was spartan. the room was six feet long ways (i know because i was head and feet touching the walls as i stretched in bed) and 3 feet the other. the bed was a thin mattress that wrecked my back to this day. the shower/sink/bog area was perspexed off in the corner, but every time you had a shower you had to dry the toilet, make sure loo roll was out of the way. it was a right faff. anyway for one night i could have lived with it but it was six nights. the internet signal was dreadful, the relationship with the girl was tanking hard, so this little room became a little prison of sadness for a few days. it was clean and cheap and i get that that is how a lot of Koreans live, but i hated it and wish i'd left it and gone to the Radisson for a couple of nights.

[BlodwynPig]

I love hotels and motels, and have a terrifically low bar. So I wouldn't describe any of them as "shit". My most recent experience was a leaking ceiling, taps which moved around on the end of pipes sticking out of the wall and a big cockroach in the bathroom, thankfully drowned in the pool of water under the u-bend.

My most memorable was somewhere in Illinois, I think it was about 2am and I'd been driving for about 16 hours or so, and exhausted beyond belief. The lobby was closed, so you had to go up to this little window to check in. Amazingly, there were 2 people in front of me, each of whom took an absurdly long time to deal with what is really a very simple transaction.

Anyway, finally get the room, and the surfaces are covered in strings of dried jism. The two beds, the nightstands, the sideboard thing the TV sits on. So profuse was the issue that you could actually see where the mucky customer had been lying (at least for the majority of it), due to the splatter patterns refining into the sharp point of a triangle about halfway down one of the beds.

I quickly did the mental math of how long it would take to get another room, how tired I was, and decided to just lie down in it and go to sleep.

Sorry about that.

[Icehaven]

Stayed in a hotel on Angelsey where after the disco under our room finally stopped at about 2am, we were woken up an hour or so later by the sound of a woman running past the door screaming for help. I* jumped up and out into the corridor as fast as I could but neither she nor anyone else was anywhere in sight, so I went downstairs to find some staff but there wasn't anyone there either. In the morning we went back down and told the now magically present staff about it but they seemed to know, and one of them said ''Yeah, newlyweds.'' as if that was some kind of explanation, which certainly put a dark twist on our breakfast conversation I can tell you.

Like most people I've stayed in a few places where other guests have decided to make a racket in the middle of the night, but weirdly the only time the owner/staff have ever apologised for it was in a B&B in Morecambe where at breakfast one morning the landlady was going around every table apologising about the noise some guests had reported last night and hoping no one had been too disturbed by it. However we hadn't heard a thing, and started worrying that as we'd come in at about 2am it was us they were on about, but we'd actually not been too pissed, hadn't been noisy, and it sounded like whoever had been making the fracas had been kicked out anyway.


*But not my boyfriend of the time, who stayed firmly behind our door, but that's a whole other thing.

[dr beat]

I too have stayed at the Harley in Sheffield, quite enjoyed it.  This was 8 years ago when I went to a wedding do, and it was fun to continue the party at the reggae night they had on before crashing

the final straw came when another English guy, from Widnes, snored like an oboe with a broken reed

Take it from me thats what passes for all music round those parts.  Started when Ian Brown played at Spike Island.

[Buelligan]

[tag]Bobby Kennedy slips out of thread through the kitchens[/url]

[RedRevolver]

I've never had one, so I live vicariously through "Four in the Bed" where a lot of the proprietors and management were and still are sick in the head.

Still like to go and visit some of these mentals, the Northumbrian Cat Lady in particular.

[Brian Freeze]

We fancied a romantic weeķend in Bradford after seeing a Groupon so booked it and the National Express across the Pennines and off we went.

Had a nice mooch around the Cinema museum and a couple of other bits and bobs and walked right across town with a six months pregnant Mrs Freeze to our hotel.

Double booked.

Four in the afternoon it was, they rang the owner and got back to us shortly after - "he's on the piss, he's just bought the Bradford Bulls and isn't making a lot of sense."

I can't remember what the deal with them failing to sort out alternative accommodation was but we ended up in our own beds that night with a non Bradford curry for tea.

Groupon went bust not long after and it took ages to get our money back.

If memory serves me right I think I'd planned this for a weekend when they weren't showing This is Cinerama, which had been another reason for going.

It wasn't brilliant on many counts.

[dex]

Sigchos, Ecuador 2012. One of the cheapest hotels I've ever stayed in at $6 US per night. However the whole place smelt like raw chicken and I had serious gut rot anyway.

[king_tubby]

We fancied a romantic weeķend in Bradford

One for the 'things I never thought I'd read' thread.

[alan nagsworth]

I worked nights in a hotel for six years, so from the other end of the storytelling spectrum, I've had my fair share of shit/mad experiences, such as:

Four pissed up businessmen ordering a gaggle of prostitutes to their room, along with a load of booze, as standard. When the ladies were done, on their way out they raided the public toilets, smashed up and robbed the tampon machines, and stole a load of Twinings tea from the refreshment station set up for a conference the following day. As they passed reception, they said they'd pay us what they'd just earned if we made the lives of the men they just serviced "a living hell for the rest of the night". One of them also declared she'd not eaten all day and offered my colleague a "blowjob for a baguette".

A wedding reception which was also being filmed as part of one of those wedding reality show things. This was all fairly by the book, except for one of the guests blocking one of the female toilets with a fucking colossal turd, which one of the staff had to go in and fish out. She came out of the toilet with a black bag ferrying this great viking dump to fecal Valhalla, right past the oblivious camera crew filming some general corridor revelry.

B&Q had a big Christmas party one year and they were absolutely fucking mental. So much wanton chaos, people shagging in the corridors, all sorts. Found out afterwards that they'd been banned from all other big local function venues.

Businessman got absolutely fucking plastered one night in the late bar, which I was tending. Closed the bar at 3am, he was still finishing up, I buggered off to do other duties. Came back to see he'd fell asleep, slipped out of the chair and was blissfully snoozing with his bald head resting on the scalding hot radiator. That was terrifying. We had to get the hotel wheelchair to cart him to his room, so unwilling was his body. In the morning he didn't show up for the conference and when his enraged boss stormed his room, it was discovered that he had explosively shat everywhere. Like, in the chair, then got up, traipsed it over to the bed, shat all over that as well, but no visible attempt had been made to reach the bathroom at all.

A particularly bleak one was a bride-to-be and her friend having a hen do, just the two of them getting smashed in the late bar, alone in there save for me and two guys drinking together. You can see where this is going. They spent the next couple of hours taking turns going back to one another's rooms and shagging. That made me saaad.

One time I delivered 2am room service food and the door was opened by a man naked with an erection. As he grinned and took the tray from me, his female partner opened the door, also naked, yelling wildly "help! He's trying to rape me up the bum!" as they both exploded in laughter. I'm a person of very little shame and I am not easily embarrassed so I found that whole encounter joyous.

Oh and to round it off, we had a surprisingly large amount of people sleepwalking or otherwise somehow managing to lock themselves out of their room in a state of complete undress. Watching the hotel CCTV at 3am and seeing someone starkers and sheepishly making their way round the hotel to the front desk to ask for a new key card was always a good laugh.

[Sebastian Cobb]

What happens when someone shits all over a room or something?

Last time I was at a conference with work I got really stoned and fell asleep with a bottle of water in my bed which leaked and I was concerned that if the hotel did anything my continence might get called into question. Nothing happened though.

[boki]

One of them also declared she'd not eaten all day and offered my colleague a "blowjob for a baguette".

What kind of filling did she get?

[alan nagsworth]

What kind of filling did she get?

Tuna mayo.

[Buelligan]

I hope she took her teeth out first.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Tuna mayo.

</empathy>

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

That was a great post by the way, I laughed several times.

[Icehaven]

I've never had one, so I live vicariously through "Four in the Bed" where a lot of the proprietors and management were and still are sick in the head.

Still like to go and visit some of these mentals, the Northumbrian Cat Lady in particular.

I love and hate that programme in equal measures. Have you seen the one where the couple (who run a B&B. They run a B&B), having just served someone egg on toast who ordered Eggs Benedict, say with a straight face that Eggs Benedict doesn't come with ham on it. I don't know if I want to end them or just send them to hospitality school for 30 years.