Main Menu

Tip jar

If you like CaB and wish to support it, you can use PayPal or KoFi. Thank you, and I hope you continue to enjoy the site - Neil.

Buy Me a Coffee at ko-fi.com

Support CaB

Recent

Welcome to Cook'd and Bomb'd. Please login or sign up.

March 29, 2024, 11:05:47 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Strictly Come Dancing

Started by Lisa Jesusandmarychain, September 23, 2018, 09:38:37 AM

Previous topic - Next topic


mothman

So, yeah. A non-white dancer ends up in the bottom two despite being neither a) unpopular b) a bad dancer. Hopefully it's just a coincidence. But going on past Strictly form, expect to see two out of Charles, Dr. Ranj and Vick in the dance-off next week. Unless Sean's new love rat status torpedoes him.

machotrouts

#33
Quote from: mothman on October 07, 2018, 11:16:16 PMSo, yeah. A non-white dancer ends up in the bottom two despite being neither a) unpopular b) a bad dancer.

Black and Blue.

Split judges' decision, interestingly – Shirley was well up for sending Charles home – so I'll hold off on calling the racist voters racist until Danny John-Jules ends up there, probably in the next week or two. He's too obscure and pointy for votes. Very pointy-looking and pointy-moving man. Black, obscure, and pointy? No, voters won't like that.

I will always hold a soft spot for Lee Ryan absolutely DUNKING the fuck on the victims of 9/11 within a month of it happening.

"What about whales? They are ignoring animals that are more important. Who gives a fuck about New York when elephants are being killed? Animals need saving and that's more important. This New York thing is being blown out of proportion. I'm not afraid to say this, it has to be said and that's why I'm the outspoken one from the band."

Fair play to him, when I was a child at the time, I was also ferociously vegetarian, I was also completely indifferent to 9/11, and 'Earth Song' was also my favourite song. He's just saying what I'm all thinking.

He also offered the following clarification 13 years later:

"I said fuck New York, think about the elephants, the whales, the dolphins, and The Sun said that I said 'who gives a fuck about New York'. I never said that. I said fuck New York."

Thank you for clearing that up Lee.

AsparagusTrevor

The judges seemed shocked at Lee Ryan for being in the dance-off (one of em even saying neither dancer deserved to be there) despite him being dead bottom of the leaderboard and despite him being Lee Ryan.

olliebean

The lifts in Charles' dance were exquisite, I was surprised to see him in the bottom two for that reason alone. Not Lee though, his arms were flailing about all over the place.

machotrouts

Quote from: jobotic on October 07, 2018, 09:09:41 PM
OMactualG

https://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/strictlys-seann-walsh-katya-jones-13379678

No wonder Love Rat Lee Ryan's gone. Surplus to requirements.

It's not uncommon for Strictly partnerships to develop into affairs. Spending weeks continually pressing your body into someone does occasionally have the unintended effect of making you want to continually press your body into someone. I go to tango classes, and I end up fancying every man I dance with, even the demonstrably unfanciable ones. They skip past the vetting process by default. The first time I attended, I kept accidentally poking an involuntary erection into the thigh of a bald man. The thigh of a bald man.

But I'm not sure there's a precedent for a pro and a celebrity, both in relationships, straight-up balls-out snogging in public, stopping only to point and laugh at photographers, 2 and a half weeks into the competition. Is that, like, a kink? It's so audacious I have decided to simply admire it. FUCK his crying audience girlfriend! FUCK her spare pro husband! SUFFER, monogamists! I have decided to "ship" them. Their portmanteau couple name is "Shat ya".

I was following discussions of it before they apologised, and everyone was contorting to make sense of it. "Was it... like... a joke? Did they do this as a joke? Is it a joke to snog in public for the paparazzi? Everyone presumably agreed on this beforehand, and decided it would be a funny joke?"

Personally, I took the position that they must be in open relationships or swingers or something, and that everyone but me was far too judgemental. The main man I fancy at those tango classes has a wife, but they're polyamorists so I can poke my cock into him all the fuck I WANT. No I actually don't think that, I just thought it would be a funny thing to say, I respect his agency and regret making myself sound like a sex offender. In fact, I deliberately think of unsexy things when I dance with him, because he keeps doing tango moves that end up with some part of his leg in my crotch, and in spite of that I don't think he's interested in me. It's hack, but to stave off an erection, I really do use Thatcher. Like I'm in The Young Ones or something. The standard thing is Margaret Thatcher, doing a shit out of her cunt. I even developed a little mental song for it, back when I used to be in gym changing rooms. It goes "Margaret Thatcher, shitting out her cunt. Margaret Thatcher, shitting out her cunt." It's true. Unfortunately, this gives it a rhythmic quality that subtly eroticises it, putting us right back to square one.

Anyway, it's good to see The Mirror has a range of other stories for us to follow once we get bored of this.


up_the_hampipe

What is it about putting two young straight people together for long periods of time to connect and practice passionate - often erotic - dancing that causes them to fancy each other a bit? It's truly baffling.

jobotic

He heh machotrouts. I don't give a monkeys who gets amongst who on a programme I barely watch, i just wanted to join in. Glad I did because your post is fantastic.

Norton Canes

Quote from: up_the_hampipe on October 08, 2018, 10:03:08 AM
What is it about putting two young straight people together for long periods of time to connect and practice passionate - often erotic - dancing that causes them to fancy each other a bit? It's truly baffling

It's almost like they know this when they make the programme.

up_the_hampipe

Statement from Seann Walsh's now ex-girlfriend https://twitter.com/Beckshumps/status/1049378454028861441

Seems a bit awkward for them to carry on now. I'm definitely watching Strictly willingly for the first time ever this weekend if they don't step down.

Clownbaby

^ well at least she's shot of him now. Sounds like he was a bit of a prick anyway.

I predict the dance floor chemistry with Katya will suffer and they'll not have the support of the public vote, or maybe the public will keep them in for the drama.




Norton Canes

I predict their routine this week will end with a big joke snog

Captain Z

"and I really am so very truly sorry"

Norton Canes

There are all sorts of appropriate songs he could dance to.

If he goes out, the goodbye dance has to be Careless Whisper

Brundle-Fly

They should replace Sean with Jason Manford dressed in a Lowry hotel bathrobe and smartphone clutched in his hand.

Bronzy

More like Strictly Cum Dancing eh lads

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

I'm glad she took the cat, too. That Sean bloke's a good looking feller, though.

machotrouts

He looks like Justin Lee Collins. You know, the whole combination of beard, face, allegations of abusing an ex-girlfriend, and hair.

If evolution was real, we'd have stopped fancying men who look like that by now. Darwin, the latest victim of the Strictly Curse

Clownbaby

Quote from: machotrouts on October 09, 2018, 02:21:49 PM
He looks like Justin Lee Collins. You know, the whole combination of beard, face, allegations of abusing an ex-girlfriend, and hair.

If evolution was real, we'd have stopped fancying men who look like that by now. Darwin, the latest victim of the Strictly Curse

I'm gonna go out on a limb and eye everyone who looks like that with suspicion from now on

machotrouts

Please everybody remember that the only actually fanciable celebrity this year is wholesome unproblematic Dr Ranj.



Can you imagine him wronging you? I bet every action he takes is above board. He couldn't emotionally abuse a fly. If he snapped my cats' necks in front of me, I'd automatically assume it was for their benefit and thank him.

mothman

I'm more concerned about the fact that when he was on CBeebies, I thought he had comedy fake eyebrows. Turns out they're real.

kalowski

Where does Dr Ranj finish and Norman Wisdom start?

jobotic


jobotic


Beagle 2

Underwhelming. I thought they might get some rotten fruit or a pig's head thrown on the floor at least.

Captain Z

Yeah I can't believe I sat through an episode of Strictly for that. Not even any boos. Apart from the booze I needed to get through it.

NurseNugent


machotrouts

#59
Recap of tonight's dramatic show:

Claudia: "It's been a quiet week!" [knowing pause, audience chuckle]
Tess, superfluously: "Apart from the odd headline!"

Several couples danced while we, the philandery-hankering fans, politely waited for them to stop. They even had the luxury of putting the YouTube video man on first because the viewing figures weren't dependent on his YouTube video likers staying tuned in for once.

Tess, superflously: "Next, it's Sean(n) and Katya. It's been quite a week, but tonight, it's all about the dancing."

Then they did an anodyne sexless charleston about pizza. At one point her crotch was quite close to his face, but the charleston is so fundamentally unerotic, he could have sucked up a gobful of clitoris right there on the dancefloor and we'd all be disappointed by the lack of sexual subtext.

That was that. Nobody really commented on the elephant in the room.

And finally, Kevin Clifton smashed his face into a perfectly good birthday cake. He actually did it twice because it wasn't sufficiently destroyed the first time – classic psychopath behaviour. Stacey and Kevin exist to promote waste and spread suffering. I fucking hate them.