How nice is your house

[Emma Raducanu]

I'd always consider my parent's place as the benchmark when considering how nice my house is.

My dad never stops decorating. Every room always almost brand new, the garden landscaped, my mum choosing how to furnish a room. Their house is like a palace; and that's how it feels, when I compare it to our place.

We have a nice big house, in a good area but since buying 4 years ago, we've done no maintenance or decorating. It's all been done really badly by the previous resident. The flooring is cheap and hollow sounding, the curtains are awful as fuck shit from Dunelm and there are toys everywhere. I spend my life cleaning and tidying but the other two love turning it into a mess again. I struggle to keep our incredibly beautiful garden in shape; it requires time, work and knowledge I don't have.

Everyone is cooing over my brother's new house which he and his partner have spent loads on and done up. Plus there's one room I'd like to change completely (the kitchen) but my partner has no interest in changing.

I've never given a shit about where I live, indeed my last place was damp and my housemate used my ricer to dump her used teabags in. It's only since hitting middle age and buying a house that i'm noticing the guttering needs replacing and that we're hiding holes in the plastering by hanging crap pictures we find in charity shops.

How nice is your place?

Edit. This just sounds like the most grotesque, shallow woe is me shit I've ever written.

[Sebastian Cobb]

Rented tenement with fucking terrible joinery, to the point most of the doors don't latch.

My parents live in a Barrat-style detatched house with plastic lagging covering the top floor. It's in a commuter town between Birmingham and Worcester. Commuter towns are supposed to be a compromise between the benefits of a city (art, culture, interesting stuff going on) and the benefits of living in the country (space, not having to deal with people) but in my experience they give you neither. It's straight out of a Malvina Reynolds song.

[biggytitbo]

My thermostat buzzes, which has ruined the whole place. Might just burn it down.

[to infect aside]

Absolute cackpalace of a property. Single-glazed, no attic insulation, kitchen extension is sinking, hasn't been redecorated in probably a decade+, no freezer, no vent hood in kitchen, perpetually cluttered, no electric shower, weird rotting flesh odour. It used to be a funeral director's office, so there's a grim vibe. Can't wait to move next month, although I'll miss the housemates dearly.

[Sebastian Cobb]

My thermostat buzzes, which has ruined the whole place. Might just burn it down.

Hark at him with his heating on in September.

Haven't even shut my windows yet.

[Noonling]

Great rented property, perhaps the best rented place I've lived in.

Zero mould, no rats or ants, no weird draughts coming from between the windows, no weird noises in the walls, a few weird marks on the walls but not the type of thing to make you think "What murder took place here?", no leaks from the roof, shower doesn't dribble out pathetically, toilet flushes properly, no children next door having daily tantrums...

It's a fucking palace.

[bgmnts]

Housing association flat.

'nuff said.

[kittens]

i live in the roof and i bang my head every day

[sevendaughters]

city centre flat, bottom tax band, single glazing, near a very loud cathedral bell, on a ring road so window frames always sooty and sneezing a lot, one bedroom, can just about swing a cat in the lounge/diner and bedroom, not enough storage, decor is magnolia + whatever i have shoved on the wall, shower is crap, upstairs neighbour bangs on the floor, i have rubbish furniture, feels cosy in winter and stays cool in summer. landlord is fine but he still didn't fix the ceiling where upstairs' washer pipe came loose and crept through the floor. 4.5/10

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Still reading this to "how deep is your love"

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Obviously as a grown adult in a median income paying job I don't have a fucking house, don't be silly.

[im barry bethel]

Wondering if a second storey extension over the garage will take it through the ceiling price for the road street avenue crescent

[Twit 2]

Got a 3 storey, 3 bedroom house (technically 4 but box room is used as a study). Newish build (about 2,000 I think) so shit quality materials, but looks fairly nice and is in a good position (not overlooked, views of trees and sky out of the window). Good sized garden. Bought fairly cheaply (165, 7 years ago, now worth about 220 I think). Mortage 650 a month. It's never that tidy as don't have time and quite franky I'm not house proud and don't give a fuck. It's perfectly fine but can't wait to have the money one day to buy a house that's not made of paper.

[Dr Rock]

Lived here for three years now, count myself extreeemely lucky to find it in the shitshow that is finding affordable places to live anywhere in London these days. One bedroom flat in Muswell Hill - one of the top five most expensive places to live in London! I just found out - with beautiful view of a sunset every night (cos it's up a hill, on the second floor) and half the price it should be. The lovely landlady knows that, they were just looking for a nice tenant... which I fooled them that I was.

Well decorated but still having tons of character like a brilliant 70s gas fire. When I was looking for a place I had to move fast, and was looking at some right pokey dumps in much worse areas of London (Colindale, no offense) for the same price, and nearly took them - if someone didn't get the deposit in first. Gareth Off The Office is my neighbour (in the house Peter Sellers used to live in). That's a lot of information, so don't use it to stalk me please.

The only downside is the lovely quietness (that is also a boon) is sometimes punctured by the hacking cough of a man next door. It's annoying, but mostly sad as it does not sound normal, so he'll probably die soon.

Also on my street is a building called 'Fairport' - and I just found out that it's where some member of Fairport Convention would convene in their early days, hence the name. Of the band, not the building.

[Buelligan]

Dug into the mountain, has lumps of rock poking up through the floor.  When it rains a lot (about once each winter), springs spring up in those rocks and the walls and make the lower part into a pool.  Tiny but I've made it quite liveable though I think a lot of normal people would be horrified that someone lives like this in the western world.  No heating except a fire.  No bath.  No cooker.  No telly.  Very quiet.  Beautiful in many ways.  It feels safe.  I don't think it's nice as such though.

[Small Man Big Horse]

Great rented property, perhaps the best rented place I've lived in.

Zero mould, no rats or ants, no weird draughts coming from between the windows, no weird noises in the walls, a few weird marks on the walls but not the type of thing to make you think "What murder took place here?", no leaks from the roof, shower doesn't dribble out pathetically, toilet flushes properly, no children next door having daily tantrums...

That describes my place really. There's seven different bedrooms but we rarely hear the other people who live in the place, the kitchen is a decent size and the only downside is the thieving cunts we live with. Thankfully two of them are moving out this week so hopefully the stealing will finally come to an end. And I'm just really hoping whoever replaces them is a decent sort, it'll be all rather lovely if they are.

[Dex Sawash]

Just moved to another house. Have to cook on electric cooktop, like a fucking caveman.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I got so fed up of shit electric hobs I bought an induction plate, I think it's better than the gas rings I have now.

[kngen]

Pretty much my dream house, in that it's a standlone with a garden to grow my chillis, and a carport to sit in and listen to the rain on the roof and drink a beer (I'm typing while doing exactly this). My wife loves it because its 'Mid-Century Modern', which is a thing, apparently, but I love it because it's quiet, no one lives above, below or beside me, and I don't get PTSD from sub-woofers about to ruin a night's sleep or an early Sunday morning. There are occasional mice, ants and other beasties, and the the odd all-out war between squirrels and chipmunks battling over acorns on our roof, but live and let live, I say (Wife is somewhat less amenable to my zen-like co-existence with these creatures.) Oh, and the rent we pay prob wouldn't get us a flatshare in a council house in frigging Hackney these days.

[Ferris]

One bed place right downtown, really nice but fucking tiny. Mrs Ferris is 5 months pregnant so we have to move out in a years time lest the sprog grow up weird.

It's all new and our sinks are trendy. Don't want to leave. Desolation.

[studpuppet]

I live fairly comfortably in a detached Victorian pile of bricks.
Just before we moved in it was used as Alan Davies' character's house in Damned.
They assumed that a social worker could afford to live there, which is probably not true...

[Neville Chamberlain]

...and was looking at some right pokey dumps in much worse areas of London (Colindale, no offense)...

You obviously haven't been to Colindale recently! It's all luxury high-rise apartments and bijou gyms and what-not these days (at least it is in the area around the tube station, where the Newspaper Library used to be).

[Neville Chamberlain]

My apartment's all right, situated as it is in one of the thousands of the now quite attractive 5- to 6-storey buildings that line the streets of Berlin's Prenzlauer Berg and that were all rescued from advanced states of dilapidation after the fall of the Wall.

[Icehaven]

They assumed that a social worker could afford to live there, which is probably not true...

Not to go off topic but it does bug me when this happens (and it happens a lot, with American sitcoms being possibly the worst offenders) even, in fact particularly, when a little qualifying exposition is thrown in to excuse it ("thanks to rent control it was a freakin' steal!" etc.) I know fiction should be treated as such, but I'm still sure it contributes significantly to the general disconnect so many people have between what they can afford and what they should be able to afford. If you grow up seeing waitresses and teachers living in huge New York lofts and 3 storey London townhouses of course it's going to distort your view, now more than ever.
In fact going back on topic a lot of people express surprise when I tell them I live in a houseshare, and have done for 3 years since splitting up with my previous boyfriend. After patiently explaining just how much cheaper it is than renting a flat by yourself, even tiny studios, they usually get it but I still get a few blank looks then "well, have you thought about buying?" Fortunately I'll be moving in with Mr. Haven soon so will no longer have to weather the pitying looks of people who think it's the late 30 something in a houseshare that's the abject failure, rather than housing policy over the last 40 years or so that's left no other option (fwiw 3 of the other 6 people in my house are even older than me.)

[gilbertharding]

My house is quite nice thanks. Been paying the mortgage for about 15 years now, and it was our first non-rented house, after many years of assuming we'd never afford anything.

[MojoJojo]

My house is a bit rundown as haven't really done much decorating. Currently in the middle of having a big extension built, so should hopefully be a bit nicer soon.

[gilbertharding]

Not to go off topic but it does bug me when this happens...

Motherland was criticised here for that (along with the general 'Oh No!! Not more Middle Class People's Problems!!').

[Shit Good Nose]

We love our house.  It's a Victorian (built in either 1905 or 1908 depending on which document you believe) miner's cottage.  End of terrace, two decent sized bedrooms, massive bathroom, and reasonable sized kitchen lounge and dining room, and a huge loft that we could easily get converted if we ever have the money to do so.  We also have a decent sized back and front gardens, a car port AND a garage, and it's handily located for our local high street - our back gate opens onto one of the larger shops' car parks.

It's not without its foibles and problems, though - it's a solid stone construction so, whilst it's quick to heat it's a bugger to keep it warm in the winter, there's no damp proofing (and no way of damp proofing without spending a fortune) so the downstairs rooms suffer from rising damp if we don't keep on top of it, and condensation is a nightmare nearly all year round.  And the lack of a third bedroom is VERY noticeable with Little Nose growing up.  We also have major problems with slugs getting in - we remove on average one or two a day every day except for when we've had a long dry very cold spell.

Appreciate these are all first world middle class moans, and I know there are many many people who would kill to be in our position.  But in the spirit of the thread...

[king_tubby]

We live in a two bedroom back to back. It was a bit trampy before my partner moved in cos I couldn't be arsed to do anything, but she has an eye for mid 20th century furniture and knows about colours and stuff so it looks ace now. Just had a new kitchen too, very swish. We have a few damp issues, and the child's attic room is fucking boiling in summer and cold in winter, but that'll be good for him.

No garden, which is a pain. But we're only ten minutes walk from the park.

[holyzombiejesus]

so the downstairs rooms suffer from rising damp if we don't keep on top of it

How do you keep on top of it?