Author Topic: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread  (Read 6698 times)

St_Eddie

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #120 on: December 23, 2018, 10:57:27 AM »
...anyone genuinely narked about this new movie having a heroine doesn't know what they're talking about.

Quite.  To state the obvious; such a person would also be a considerable arsehole.

...MIB International does look like garbage; another run-of-the-mill Sony reboot of a once successful blockbuster IP, with familiar old iconography & tropes tossed into a flavourless stew of flashy CG, generic action & thin jokes.  It's every Sony trailer of the past decade & even has Chris Hemsworth just like Sony's attempt at reviving Ghostbusters.  Literally the one good thing about the trailer was that nice framed painting of J & K battling Bug Edgar.

Yip, yip, yip and yip.

Fuck Sony Pictures.  They exemplify the very worst of Hollywood trends.  Hostess Twinkie motherfuckers.

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Small Man Big Horse

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #121 on: December 26, 2018, 05:09:12 PM »
The AV Club have given Holmes and Watson an F grade, and declared it the worst film of the year. https://film.avclub.com/will-ferrell-and-john-c-reilly-hit-career-lows-in-the-1831309924

Quote
Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly hit career lows in the abysmally unfunny Holmes & Watson

We’ve been telling jokes about Sherlock Holmes since the beginning. The earliest send-ups of the world’s greatest detective appeared not long after Arthur Conan Doyle started publishing his stories about Holmes and his trusty sidekick, Dr. John Watson, in The Strand Magazine, and by the early decades of the 20th century, the comic strips and humor sections of newspapers and magazines on both sides of the Atlantic were swarming with Picklocks, Shamrocks, Herlocks, and Shylocks. In all likelihood, “Elementary, my dear Watson,” that most apocryphal of catchphrases, started out in a joke; it never appeared in any of Doyle’s stories, nor in the original version of the hit stage play that first gave Holmes his deerstalker hat and calabash pipe. Mark Twain wrote parodies of the Holmes mysteries, as did O. Henry and P.G. Wodehouse. The Sherlock joke is one of our older pop culture institutions, like Holmes himself.

This is especially true when it comes to film, where depictions of Sherlock Holmes are said to outnumber those of Jesus Christ and Count Dracula. In fact, the earliest Holmes films are parodies, predating any official adaptations of the Doyle stories—the best of which have always had a good sense of humor. But if there are any new jokes left to tell about Holmes, they’re nowhere to be found in the abysmal Holmes & Watson, which might be the worst feature-length film ever made about the “consulting detective” from Baker Street. The movie is 89 minutes of inertia and pure, undiluted flopsweat, with a couple of uncharacteristically unfunny and painfully awkward lead performances from Will Ferrell (as Holmes) and John C. Reilly (as Watson).

Written and directed by Etan Cohen (not to be mistaken for Ethan Coen, under any circumstances), Holmes & Watson imagines the title characters as a couple of needy, middle-aged manchildren—though the similarities with Ferrell and Reilly’s work together on Adam McKay’s Step Brothers end there. Struggling with objectively awful English accents, the two actors spend their time on screen dragging out terrible jokes, as though trapped in the improv-exercise equivalent of eternal damnation. Though it’s mostly the audience that suffers. Even the movie’s attempts at gross-out humor—such as an extended bit in which Holmes keeps barfing into a bucket, or a sequence where he calculates the trajectory of his arcing urine in slow-mo, à la Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes—are timorous and half-assed.

The trivial plot finds the detective duo in yet another battle of wits with “the Napoleon of crime,” James Moriarty (Ralph Fiennes, given only a few lines)—though Holmes believes that his arch-nemesis has been replaced by a lookalike compulsive masturbator. Because Holmes & Watson is the hackiest kind of studio comedy, they must also learn to be better friends to each other, get in touch with their feelings, and navigate a couple of romantic subplots: Watson’s crush on Grace Hart (Rebecca Hall), a “lady doctor” from Boston; Holmes’ confused attraction to her feral assistant, Millie (Lauren Lapkus), who shares his passion for eating raw Vidalia onions.

Somewhere in there is an unusually young and seemingly very horny Mrs. Hudson (Kelly Macdonald); a bad musical number that goes on and on; some groan-worthy Trump jokes; a scene in which Watson tries to take a selfie with Queen Victoria; and the requisite cracks about Holmes’ drug use. (These go back to at least the mid-1910s and The Mystery Of The Leaping Fish, starring Douglas Fairbanks as a master sleuth who solves cases in a St. Vitus’ dance of nose-candy-induced agitation.) Even when Holmes & Watson stumbles into something that could, in theory, make a decent gag—as in a scene where Watson tries to dictate a drunk, late-night telegram to Dr. Hart, or a visit to the Diogenes Club that finds him shooed off to a side room for idiot sidekicks—it bungles it with bad timing and slapdash composition. “At least it’s in focus” is the lowest form of damnably faint praise one can give a movie. But Holmes & Watson doesn’t even earn that distinction.

One might call it a failure on almost every level—that is, if the movie ever gave the impression that it was trying to succeed. Instead, it’s pervaded by an air of extreme laziness. It’s cheap and tacky—a bizarrely dated parody of Ritchie’s Holmes (complete with a soundalike score) poisoned with rib-elbowing topical references and puerile gags. It’s the Sherlock Holmes movie with the red “Make England Great Again” hat and the lactating Watson. It succeeds in only one respect. As a Christmas Day release that wasn’t screened in advance for critics, it managed to avoid our list of the worst films of 2018. It belongs at the top.

St_Eddie

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #122 on: December 27, 2018, 12:45:05 AM »

Shocking!  It seemed so classy and witty, based upon the trailer!

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #123 on: December 30, 2018, 08:36:57 PM »
just back from H&W and can confirm it's UTTER, UTTER shit

mothman

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #124 on: December 30, 2018, 11:04:46 PM »
You're a braver man than many of us, HG.

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #125 on: December 31, 2018, 08:00:08 AM »
I took the kids, they insisted after seeing the fucking trailer - it's Xmas I thought, it's only a comedy I thought, 40 fucking quid I thought,
they hated it too but not as much as me

Shameless Custard

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #126 on: December 31, 2018, 09:15:25 AM »
Will Ferrell is taking the absolute piss these days.

And I bet he's very sad as he floats away in his river of money

kidsick5000

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #127 on: January 01, 2019, 01:48:43 PM »
It's been around 10 years in the works.
And it still feels like they forgot to do their homework and write a working script.
« Last Edit: January 01, 2019, 01:59:07 PM by kidsick5000 »

Phil_A

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #128 on: January 01, 2019, 02:09:12 PM »
It's been around 10 years in the works.
And it still feels like they forgot to do their homework and write a working script.


Seems like it's parodying the Guy Ritchie version, so it would fit that the film originally got greenlit around then.

kidsick5000

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #129 on: January 01, 2019, 04:12:14 PM »
Seems like it's parodying the Guy Ritchie version, so it would fit that the film originally got greenlit around then.

Well that was the plan. Parody that film, build on the cast of Talladega Nights with Sacha Baron Cohen as Sherlock, Ferrell as Watson

BritishHobo

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #130 on: January 01, 2019, 08:45:11 PM »
I'm sure I remember it being announced around the same time as the Guy Ritchie version, because I remember being quite excited (pre-Sherlock) that there'd be two coming out. I'm guessing parodying that version must be something they went for in rewrites, which is pretty weird - are there many other films to have done that, rewrites to cover something that happened after they were written?

kidsick5000

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #131 on: January 02, 2019, 08:11:50 AM »
There's a rumour going round that they tried to flog it to Netflix but Netflix turned it down.

Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #132 on: January 02, 2019, 08:39:50 AM »
you'd have to wouldn't you? from the stars of shitarse disaster and dad's given wee bobby the bas rutten triangle choke comes the two of them in something that looked out of date 14 years ago featuring presumably vincent cassel as genghis khan learning to do the soulja boy dancing

Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #133 on: January 02, 2019, 08:01:54 PM »
'Life Itself'. If you can make it thought the trailer without wanting to hurt something, you're better than me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oALVg772eug


St_Eddie

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #134 on: January 02, 2019, 08:54:22 PM »
'Life Itself'. If you can make it thought the trailer without wanting to hurt something, you're better than me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oALVg772eug

It looks like one of those films that your girlfriend loves and asks that you watch it with her, so you do and because you love her, you vicariously enjoy the film and associate it with herself and you go on to watch it with her on further occasions because it's lovely to snuggle up with her and have a nice cosy night in watching her favourite film but then your girlfriend dumps you and now you realise that she was beyond fucking awful and her taste in films was even worse.




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Dex Sawash

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #135 on: January 03, 2019, 12:43:22 AM »
Was that a glimpse of Oso off Snowfall? I bladdy love Corky Oso off snowfall.

Phil_A

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Re: The “This’ll be shit, I reckon” thread
« Reply #136 on: January 03, 2019, 08:26:17 AM »
For a moment I thought Mike Patton had started branching out into rom-coms.