Instant “hand-job” / “blow-job” upgrade

[:(]

Fingers up the arse

[VaginaSimpson]

Unsanitary. I hope she/he used their marigolds.

Hand jobs are for losers.

[bgmnts]

Hand job is arguably worse than wanking. Pointless.

[VaginaSimpson]

I hate giving them. It's the poorest act in my repertoire. Maybe a cold hand would feel good to a man? Make it worth it? I don't know. When I do them my eyes glaze over like I'm stuck in Narnia.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Yeah the 'oh dear you really have no connection between what you're doing and what I'm feeling' sex acts are bad

[:(]

Not with a finger up the arse

[hamfist]

Not with a finger up the arse

Cadbury's Finger or a Finger of Fudge. In case you feel peckish after.

[Lemming]

Thinking about having my anus and mouth surgically swapped. The extra nerve endings in the anus-as-mouth would upgrade blow-jobs significantly, and the mouth-as-anus would have greater flexibility than an actual anus, allowing for massive shits without any risk of fissures or hemorrhoids.

In fact, pretty much the greatest argument against intelligent design is that this isn't already the case.

[bgmnts]

How would you eat a sit down meal?

[FredNurke]

By sitting on it, presumably.

[bgmnts]

By sitting on it, presumably.

How would you use the cutlery?

[FredNurke]

Very carefully.

[Chairman Bodog]

Humming like a roadrace.