What is the meter of the perfect shit?

[pancreas]

Suggestion:

plop ... Plop ........................PLOP! ... Wipe and flush.

[mothman]

Comes out clean, so clean you really don't even need to wipe. But you do so anyway, because, well, you just have to be certain, don't you?

[biggytitbo]

If a poo isn't presaged with a wet fart by way of a preview of volume and length it's hardly worth mentioning imo.

[saltysnacks]

FART fart PLOP

Trochaic.

[Cuellar]

......... FFFFFTTT FFFTTTTT.......

Two abrupt powerful evacuations, windy and forceful.

Spondee.

[Absorb the anus burn]

Well anticipated gut rumble.

Slick timed race to the bogatory.

Toilet roll 90% available, ready to wrap around your hand for the ultimate oven-glove wipe.....

But no, it's a clean pass through!

Have a Rolo.

[Sherringford Hovis]

Seems excessive; I've only ever managed about 50cm.

[JesusAndYourBush]

The perfect one is when you get that feeling of "OMG I really need to shit RIGHT NOW or I may just shit myself" and you sit on the crapper and whoomph.  One wipe and the paper comes back with barely a stain.  A second wipe just to make sure the first one wasn't lying.  And flush and go.

[Pijlstaart]

"Plop" is staccato, you want something resonant, haunting, yet soft, you're never really sure when it ends and silence ensues. A percussive bowel movement lacks passion and craft.

[thraxx]

Preferably less than 1 meter, any more than that and it gets terrifying I can tell you.

[MoonDust]

The perfect one is when you get that feeling of "OMG I really need to shit RIGHT NOW or I may just shit myself" and you sit on the crapper and whoomph.  One wipe and the paper comes back with barely a stain.  A second wipe just to make sure the first one wasn't lying.  And flush and go.

This. Also don't forget the sensation of your sphincter slowly - the slowness is key here - receding back to its tight puckered self. Like the feeling you get when you finally put down the couch you've been carrying up to your new flat. You can almost hear your anus sighing with relief, back into a deep, dreamless sleep.

[hamfist]

He always sings
Happy music to the cattle
As he swings
Back and forward in the saddle
On the pot
He is conspitated, fated
And there's such a funny meter
To his faecal depoçita
How they run
When they hear that fellow's bum
Because the infidels all know
He's a high-falutin'
Poopa-shootin'
Sonofabitch with a bad aroma
Ragtime shitboy Joe

/g'night HS Art

[Paul Calf]

Meter?

[Konki]

These fantasy shits are my dream! I haven't done a solid log in months and the amount of wiping I have to suffer is obscene. Piles now, dead soon.

[thenoise]

Plip...Plap...Plop

That's the starter, main and pud of shites. 

[buttgammon]

Iambic shitting is the way to go.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Peter of Merfect has his shit called "sub-optimal" by Gillian McKeith

[mothman]

The feeling of release when the tail end of a foot-long - with a girth that was challenging but not uncomfortable - slips free. Never has the sensation of sudden absence felt so overwhelming.

[pancreas]

Meter?

Oh dear. I thought for poetry this was one where you had it this way round. What a terrible, now irreparable error.

[wooders1978]

Not the shit itself but the euphoric feeling of being empty after a cracker takes some beating

[PlanktonSideburns]

Yea a Meter seems a bit much really

[biggytitbo]

I did a shit that must have been close to a meter long once as I had to drape it over the side of the bowl and flush it in two stages.

[hamfist]

I fantasise about doing a big shit that really tests me, and after it is done I feel a bit more and it is monstrous- the big one was only a precursor. In agony I birth the second coming, it's made of years old impacted mess and when it is finally out I am 10kg lighter and my gut has gone.

[Dusty Gozongas]

If you don't leave the bathroom with a touch of shellshock or feeling like you've just dodged a bullet, it wasn't worth the journey.

[Brian Freeze]

Does Sting have a tantric dump?

[New Jack]

Separates neatly from my person, is solid and hefty, is not affected by wind and plummets directly into an open sunroof as I squat there on the edge of the overpass

[idunnosomename]

Sometimes I when I'm constipated I shit in 5/4

[canadagoose]

Can anyone shit to the tune of Solsbury Hill by Peter Gabriel?

[Blue Jam]

Plip...Plap...Plop

Plip, plap, plop
My arse goes plip, plap, plop
Plip, plap, plop I wanna have it off
Plip, plap, plop
My arse goes plip, plap, plop
I wanna have it off 'til I cough

[Norton Canes]

Oh my god I think I rup-tured some-thing