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What is the meter of the perfect shit?

Started by pancreas, October 19, 2018, 11:49:48 PM

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Neville Chamberlain

With a bit of clever marketing and some odour suppressant, I reckon my shits could easily be passed off as some sort of new crunchy oat cereal bars.

Sebastian Cobb


Golden E. Pump


New Jack

Had one last night where I wiped and was completely clean. The texture was such it came out as a solid and left no residue. Slipped out as easy as you like.

That's properly like attaining enlightenment to you shit-obsessed CaBbers!! No, I didn't savour it, can not report on its texture or its nose. I didn't slosh it around my anus first, to enrich the flavour. I almost certainly didn't try a little bit, swill it around my mouth, then gob it into a golden bucket.

Was good though.

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: New Jack on October 22, 2018, 02:48:57 PM
Had one last night where I wiped and was completely clean. The texture was such it came out as a solid and left no residue. Slipped out as easy as you like.



In the trade that's known as 'drawing an ace'.

batwings

The days of a perfect shit seem to have passed for me. These days, like landing a plane, if I can walk away afterwards then I'm happy.

New Jack

Quote from: Sebastian Cobb on October 22, 2018, 03:11:01 PM
In the trade that's known as 'drawing an ace'.

It's miles fucking better than when I drew "the 3 of Clubs"

Neville Chamberlain


I love those big heavy ones that hit with so much force they go up and around the bend all by themselves. Self flushing shites. Marvellous.

Don't happen so much for me these days. Much like batwings up above, the days of just being able to have a poo and a wipe with a minimum of effort seem long gone now. The worst are the ones that break off but there's nothing left so you're scooping it out and wiping forever, yet still it comes. Desolation.

Sebastian Cobb

No, the worst ones are when you're still wearing your trousers.

hummingofevil

RIP. Must have listened to his stuff off Ha Ha Tapes dozens of times and never stopped enjoying it.

Fuck cancer and especially fuck these horrible ones that strip people away from us in weeks.

Kelvin

Quote from: hummingofevil on November 15, 2018, 05:51:17 PM
RIP. Must have listened to his stuff off Ha Ha Tapes dozens of times and never stopped enjoying it.

Fuck cancer and especially fuck these horrible ones that strip people away from us in weeks.

Your tribute in this thread is what he would have wanted :)

Black Ship

Quote from: New Jack on October 22, 2018, 05:37:48 PM
It's miles fucking better than when I drew "the 3 of Clubs"

Hmmm, Penn and Teller related. Probably gory as hell and you told everybody how you did it afterwards.