Mike Ashley

[Blue Jam]

The Legend Gary and owner of Sports Direct, House of Fraser and Newcastle United now also owns Evans Cycles:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-46037259

This is a worry, isn't it? How long before everyone in the UK ends up working for him and our national costume is a Lonsdale tracksuit?

[Small Man Big Horse]

Bah, I was hoping he was dead when I saw the post. Or at the very least incarcerated for the rest of his life.

[BlodwynPig]

isn't he a convicted felon now? you can blame shoulders-stomach for this

[biggytitbo]

Mike Gash-ley more like.

[hummingofevil]

Brutal irony that he seems to be one of the only people with any interest or ability to keep high street shops open in dying town centres like the one in my hometown that is literally about 80% empty.

Doing it by being a cunt? Almost certainly. Despair.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

His back of a lorry shitshow "Mega Value" is closing down in Leeds.

I've never visited anywhere that had so many items of such low quality and price that I didn't feel were good value anyway. Lowest common denominator shite.

[biggytitbo]

I do notwish Mike Ashley any harm, that would be awful. I would like to see him inserted head first into a cows anus though, but in a fun way that would have everyone chuckling.

[rue the polywhirl]

Imagine if he started getting hundreds of rashes across his body, really painful ones and had to change his name to 'Mike Rashley' because of some old law that said you have to change your surname to 'Rashley' if you were inflicted with a hundred rashes or so, to ward others away from you.

[Maurice Yeatman]

Yawn. Any chance of you lot focusing on the good things he's done for a change?

My auntie works as a cleaner at The Green Dragon pub in Alfreton and she pocketed a very tasty £10 note for the two hours of overtime she worked to clean his sick out of the fireplace.

[Blue Jam]

To be serious for a second, it does bother me when baby boomer homeowners sneer that young/middle-aged people would be able to buy homes of their own if they stopped buying avocado toast and other luxuries, while the very places that sell luxuries, such as department stores, restaurants, pubs and clubs, are going bust, and the only businesses which seem to be thriving are the likes of Sports Direct and Primark...

His back of a lorry shitshow "Mega Value" is closing down in Leeds.

I've never visited anywhere that had so many items of such low quality and price that I didn't feel were good value anyway. Lowest common denominator shite.

...and I do wonder how long it will be until the prophecy of Athletico Mince is fulfilled and we finally get Sports Direct selling food...

[confettiinmyhair]

They sell Protein bars.

Sports Direct rolled JJB, JD and all the Independent Sports stores into one sporty lump of stock. As a shopping experience it's wonderfully convenient, as an employer it harks back to the dark days of workhouses.

[bgmnts]

Why couldn't it have been him in a helicopter crash? There's no justice.

[Beagle 2]

As a shopping experience it's wonderfully convenient

It's not. It's cramped, really difficult to get around the shop or actually see any of the items on sale as they're crammed in so tightly, and if you do see a pair of shoes you like, it takes hours to attract the attention of a member of staff. When they arrive they are too clinically depressed to actually be able to help you. It's an absolutely miserable experience. Also, is it me or are the prices the same as everywhere else? I don't understand how they're thriving.

[Blue Jam]

They sell Protein bars.

I think they sell blue drink as well... the Great British high street may soon look like Bob Mortimer's description of Sunderland...

[biggytitbo]

Why couldn't it have been him in a helicopter crash? There's no justice.

Think about 2 hours after the crash, the man united fan account tweeted out something like 'shame the glasers don't travel by helicopter'.

[confettiinmyhair]

It's not. It's cramped, really difficult to get around the shop or actually see any of the items on sale as they're crammed in so tightly, and if you do see a pair of shoes you like, it takes hours to attract the attention of a member of staff. When they arrive they are too clinically depressed to actually be able to help you. It's an absolutely miserable experience. Also, is it me or are the prices the same as everywhere else? I don't understand how they're thriving.

I tend to grab a box of trainers, a bundle of sports socks and a giant mug. So maybe my experience differs from those who like to browse

[Icehaven]

Mike Ashley? More like Your Cashleaves.

[Sebastian Cobb]

To be serious for a second, it does bother me when baby boomer homeowners sneer that young/middle-aged people would be able to buy homes of their own if they stopped buying avocado toast and other luxuries, while the very places that sell luxuries, such as department stores, restaurants, pubs and clubs, are going bust, and the only businesses which seem to be thriving are the likes of Sports Direct and Primark...

...and I do wonder how long it will be until the prophecy of Athletico Mince is fulfilled and we finally get Sports Direct selling food...

Well a lot of the pubs and restaurants are going bump at least in part to losing business to certain pub chains ran by a brexiteer who operates in a very similar way to your man Ashley.

[Huxleys Babkins]

I tend to grab a box of trainers, a bundle of sports socks and a giant mug. So maybe my experience differs from those who like to browse

The key to making Sports Direct work is to only buy the shoes that they have boxed on the floor. Any attempt to purchase the shoes up on the wall is a trip to Desolationville.

[im barry bethel]

It's not. It's cramped, really difficult to get around the shop or actually see any of the items on sale as they're crammed in so tightly, and if you do see a pair of shoes you like, it takes hours to attract the attention of a member of staff. When they arrive they are too clinically depressed to actually be able to help you. It's an absolutely miserable experience. Also, is it me or are the prices the same as everywhere else? I don't understand how they're thriving.

You forget the bit where you're made to feel like a potential shoplifter, or that might just be me

[Queneau]

I do notwish Mike Ashley any harm, that would be awful. I would like to see him inserted head first into a cows anus though, but in a fun way that would have everyone chuckling.

Except the cow.  Nobody deserves to have Mike Ashley inserted violently into their rectum apart from Mike Ashley.

[biggytitbo]

Could it just be a cows anus though, without the rest of the cow?

[Queneau]

Could it just be a cows anus though, without the rest of the cow?

Can it, by definition, be considered a cow's anus if it doesn't then belong to the cow? Or are we saying that the cow still owns it? Is the cow dead or is some kind of surgery going to take place? I think you need to rethink your stance on not wanting any actual harm to come to Ashley Mike.

[petril]

the only use I have for Sports Direct is if I suddenly need new trainers on very short notice and can't get them online. No other fucker even tries to have a couple of pairs of size 14s kicking about in the shop any more

[biggytitbo]

Can it, by definition, be considered a cow's anus if it doesn't then belong to the cow? Or are we saying that the cow still owns it? Is the cow dead or is some kind of surgery going to take place? I think you need to rethink your stance on not wanting any actual harm to come to Ashley Mike.

I just want to see him inserted into an anus I didn't imagine I'd have to provide a detailed plan about it.

[Queneau]

I just want to see him inserted into an anus I didn't imagine I'd have to provide a detailed plan about it.

Well you assumed everyone could have a good laugh about it without considering the poor cow involved.

[biggytitbo]

How about we insert the cow into Mike Ashley?

[Queneau]

You're just not getting it are you?

[biggytitbo]

The cow has volunteered?

[Delete Delete Delete]

Lets shove him up Biggys Anus.