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March 28, 2024, 10:47:26 PM

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Play-it-safe Paul

Started by New Jack, October 31, 2018, 05:08:10 PM

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New Jack

Paul plays Street Fighter 2 and selects Ryu

Fishfinger

Is on Facebook, but doesn't really use it, y'know?

New Jack

Paul's on Twitter.

Follows 53,923 accounts

Yet to broadcast his views throughout the world

Paul is with his missues.

"Paul, you know I wouldn't find if you slipped afigner up my Butt tonight".

Fucking hell Paul thinks, this is my chance don't blow it. But she didn't say what finger to use, better use them all, better safe than sorry.

That night Paul is kicked out of the house whilst trying to ram his entire fist up his Wifes Arse.

Replies From View

Before putting the bedsheet on, play-it-safe Paul affixes seven mattress protectors.  In case he maybe has a wet dream during the night.

Pingers

Paul gets the Zafira serviced every 2000 miles. Occasionally he has a flip through the service book, finds it calming.

New Jack

A pint please, says Paul at the bar

Bum Flaps

Play-it-safe-seat Paul, MP avoids expressing any strong opinions about Brexit

Ferris

P-i-s-P is worried about a .02% income tax increase.

"No one has ever mentioned it, but I'd better vote Conservative just in case!"

Paul Calf

Paul has a week's holiday every year in the fixed static home at the bottom of his garden. He goes home each night though- he's not THAT crazy!

Glebe

Paul always puts the bread back in the bread bin just in case it goes stale.

New Jack

Paul watches exclusively lesbian porn. Two women - no cocks - nothing to worry about

When Paul takes a Piss he gives his Mini Paul a thousand shakes so all the piss droplets fall out, including all the White Milky Piss.

Ferris

Chicken korma, and will split both rice and naan.

New Jack

Paul books a minicab to go to the airport so he doesn't miss his flight in March

Just wants to get it booked early, one less thing to sort, though he will ring weekly to check.


New Jack

Paul no longer fears taking his iPhone out in public, figuring, at this point that's a silly, redundant fear.

Because it's chained to the pocket with a padlock on it

Paul Calf

Paul books a 10-minute daily morning catch-up meeting at 8.15. He aks attendees to reconfirm availability at 8:05. Every day.

Ironically, he is eventually hospitalised by a colleague as a result of his many safe-play strategies in the workplace.

New Jack

Paul's been taking his work home with him to make sure he doesn't fall behind

Shame he's a postman

New Jack

Paul confides in a friend that he, too, has a kinky side. Whispering, so nobody overhears, a thrilled Paul darkly admits that he has a persistent fetish for naked ladies

Berthas Fat Leg

Haha though.

Paul's just gonna have what everyone else is having.

New Jack

Paul can't find matching socks. He always buys plain black cotton socks, but the ball he has in his hand are two different brands balled together!! Someone is bound to notice if he uses them...

Sebastian Cobb

Quote from: New Jack on November 20, 2018, 09:10:21 AM
Paul's been taking his work home with him to make sure he doesn't fall behind

Shame he's a postman

He should've known better, it's how he lost his job at Dyno-rod!

New Jack

Paul's been watching the chess. 10 draws in a row? That's his kinda game!

Neville Chamberlain

Quote from: New Jack on November 20, 2018, 09:10:21 AM
Paul's been taking his work home with him to make sure he doesn't fall behind

Shame he's a vivisectionist

New Jack

Quote from: New Jack on November 20, 2018, 09:10:21 AM
Paul's been taking his work home with him to make sure he doesn't fall behind

Shame he mucks out the bins in the abortion clinic

Bazooka

Paul is certain the Christmas bin collection is back to normal, so two black , one green, one blue wheelie bins full of untouched meat joints out blocking the pavement for good measure, can never have too much back up meat for Christmas he laughs through his balmed lips.

New Jack

#177
'Scuse me, is this the platform for Maidstone West?' a fetching young lady asks our careful hero, about to embark upon his own voyage into stress-free, docile Kent.

Paul stares straight ahead silently. She stands there for a moment then sighs and walks away to ask another person the same thing.

Shortly, Paul can hear the sounds of conversation and female laughter as he glares rigidly at the vending machine on the opposite platform. As the train pulls up he notes she's still chatting to the chap she harassed after him.

Well, she was a stranger.

Fishfinger

Paul nukes the entire site from orbit. "What the hell was down there, Paul?" "I am unsure."

Fishfinger

PC Paul tasers a black man, just in case.