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Play-it-safe Paul

Started by New Jack, October 31, 2018, 05:08:10 PM

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New Jack

Quote from: :( on November 01, 2018, 10:05:01 AM
Late one night, Paul sees an elderly gentleman collapse on the opposite pavement, runs 1/2 mile up the road to a pelican crossing and then administers 10 minutes of CPR to the man's corpse.

+2

Paul pays a quid and dutifully gets a poppy. You could have someone's eye out with the pin, best to use sellotape

madhair60

"Paul, will you hurry up with the sodding soup?"

Paul shuffling across the Nosebag, inch at a time.

Can't be too careful with soup lads.

Can't be too careful with soup lads.

:(

Paul asks his dad to use a condom.

New Jack

Paul's out for a brisk walk (doesn't want to twist his ankle running) and, wait, what's that on the floor? It's a ten pound note!

He picks it up, inspects it. Seems fine. Looks around, but there's nobody in sight. The wind softly rustles by, a plane drifts across the sky. Paul is totally alone with this ten pound note.

Best put it back, might belong to an angry gun-wielding drug dealer retracing his steps as we speak. Paul lays the tenner down and puts a stone on top for good measure.

Spoon of Ploff

Paul always watches his telly from a slight angle. You never know.

saltysnacks

Paul always spreads his butter with a spoon. 'Knives are trouble' he says, doesn't own any.

Summer 1997 Paul is working part time as a reviewer for Q magazine.

Hmmm I'm not sure about this new Oasis album, but everyone gave the last couple of albums good scores. Better play it safe, I'll give it 10 out of 10.

Early 1999  Paul is working part time as a reviewer for Q magazine.

Hmmm I'm not sure about this new Star Wars film, but everyone loves Star WArs. Better play it safe, I'll give it 10 out of 10.

The year is 1837, Paul is working part time as a review for Q magazine.

Hmmm I've been asked to review the Emperors new outfit, I can see hes clearly naked, but everyone is raving about it, better play it safe, 10 out of 10.

madhair60

The year is 2018. Paul is working part time as a reviewer for Edge magazine.

Hmmmm, I've been asked to review this new game, it's the worst thing I've ever played, but it was developed by a British studio, better play it safe, 10 out of 10.

seepage

QuoteCommunity Tasting Notes (average 90 pts. and median of 90 pts. in 1 note)
Tasted by blah on 09/08/2016 & rated 90 points: Dark and thick wine. Rich fruit and a glossy texture. But Too much. Overdone and monolithic. Cloying almost. Unable to get any varietal feeling. Perhaps age would help. Difficult to drink much at the moment.

New Jack

Paul fires up Tinder.  His photo is him in a white shirt in a bar smiling with friends (Tom cropped out). He's "a safe pair of hands"

No, she's showing too much skin
No, she's too thin
No, she's six months younger than my lower age limit
No, she probably just wants to keep on travelling, not meet up with locals
No, she's too beautiful.
No, she's too happy.
No, she's not too happy enough.

Paul swipes right on LindaHR. The photo is just four blonde women, all in white tops, all with brown eyes. Any one of em is fine.

Cuellar

"D'you smoke, Paul?"
"Er..No I don't"

Paul wanna come to Gary Legends Stag do, theres strippers, a free bar, a bouncey castle, hes got Go Karts and sSuper Soakers.


Nah, gonna watch Pointless.

Spoon of Ploff

Several of his work colleagues corner Play-It-Safe Paul.

C'mon Paul, which is it... Star Trek TOS, Star Trek TNG, Deep Space Nine, Voyager, Enterprise, or Discovery?

Oh shit. He thinks. All my careful planing, but we always knew this day would come.

Play It Safe Paul, Plays It safe, he answers "Babylon 5". He has survived this round, next time he won't be so lucky.

Fishfinger

An entire afternoon spent researching shark attack survival strategies. Mate, it's just a trip to Morrison's.

Spoon of Ploff

Paul changes jobs... About a month into his new role several of his work colleagues corner him.

C'mon mate... New Who or Classic Who?

Paul what do you want Pepsi or Coke?

Soup

"Here, Paul, d'you want one of these?"

"Oh Lord, no, no I better not. Here? Really? In the pub? There could be police drinking here. You've not had one have you?"

"It's a strong mint, Paul."

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

Paul goes bungee jumping.











































































(No, of course he fucking doesn't.)

Paul is working as a designer for a Toy company.

Better put a screw on the Battery compartment, we don't want the Batteries to fall out.

a duncandisorderly

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on November 01, 2018, 02:30:12 PM
Paul always watches his telly from a slight angle. You never know.

there's people here want to know what I'm laughing at. where do I begin to explain...?

New Jack

Quote from: a duncandisorderly on November 02, 2018, 10:35:39 AM
there's people here want to know what I'm laughing at. where do I begin to explain...?

Paul overhears a colleague talking about his monitor "not working at a certain angle" . He thinks up a fantastic quip relating to the fellow's private life which would enlighten, entertain and amuse, which, pitched perfectly, may be just naughty enough to be funny but flip enough to be without malice. He just has to have grab the chance with both hands, or.. Nah

"That's what she said."

madhair60

Chicken korma please.

Yes. Share a naan.

Water.

New Jack

What to get the nieces for Christmas? My sister is always moaning how they need to get out more, get out there, experience more of life as they older, get proper hobbies and crafts...

That said. Can't go wrong with an iTunes voucher.

New Jack

#56
Paul drives home from work in his colourless, possibly silver Punto listening to Radio 1 to his house in the suburbs in the South of England. Reads all the papers, for balance. Reads every horoscope. Just in case. He's perfectly nice to Jehovah's Witnesses and he's perfectly open to the idea but he's difficult to pin down to just one faith, yknow?

Tell you what he does have faith in, though. Friday night? Nando's. Couple bottles of 3% lager and, on Netflix, whatever motion picture grossed the highest and was released in the last two years laboriously cross-referenced with what he thinks his peers have seen and enjoyed, to ensure a guaranteed conversation starter sometime in the future. Sometimes it's good to just kick back and relax.

New Jack

Paul really enjoys seeing stand up comedy.

Nobody in particular. Just stand up comedy.

Music, too. God, he loves music. All music, equally, but skewing towards what his demographic listens to.

He also gently derides himself or his own culture sometimes, as a token spot of self-deprecating humour means he's not a hypocrite, and he knows everyone who does this seems like an individual. Nicely played, Paul. Nicely played.

Chollis

Paul was born before he was conceived, which explains his lack of personality.

New Jack

Statistically speaking, since you brought up sexuality, Paul reckons he's heterosexual and sees no reason to quarrel about it nor jettison his years of experience doggedly pursuing reasonably attractive women who work in HR. The numbers don't lie, my man. The numbers don't lie!