DESOLATION QUEST 2018 ROUND ONE - Phil_A v QDRPHNC

[Phil_A]

A homeless alcoholic, his brain fogged to imbecility by decades of meth-soaked dereliction, tries his hardest to get beaten to death by a gang of teenage hooligans, in the hope that someone reading the story of his tragic fate might remember who he is.

If he's lucky they might take a selfie with his corpse.

[QDRPHNC]

The selfie turns out a wee bit blurry. Deleted immediately. Can't be arsed with another, and anyway, best get over to the girl's, she's had a shower and all.

[QDRPHNC]

Come on Phil_A, I posted that in bed drunk on about 2 hours sleep, it's total shit, you'll walk this one.

[Phil_A]

Years pass. They've grown now, now longer boys but middle-aged and bitter.

In the dark corner of a dark pub full of unsmiling tattooed hard-cases, drinking and scowling in silence. They seem to have nothing to say to each other these days, their only bond a shared memory of sudden, brutal violence. So at least there's that.

He puts down his glass, hesitates.

"Daz...remember...years ago...when we did that old geezer in?"

Doesn't even look up.

"Nah."

[PlanktonSideburns]

Pure solid deso here

Phila but only just

[drummersaredeaf]

Pure solid deso here

Phila but only just

That's damning. Give them a chance!

[QDRPHNC]

Daz remembers.

Daz remembers being 6 and bursting with pride at how detailed he made the leaf in his best ever drawing of a flower. He remembers running to show it to his dad, the anticipation seeming to illuminate his tiny chest, and he remembers the word poof and a red ear that burned for two whole days.

Daz remembers scoring an own goal and his best friend Kevin Donnelly calling him a spacker to get a laugh from everyone else. Daz remembers Mr Jackson making him stand in front of the whole class so they could hear how bad his French homework was from his own mouth. He remembers his sister calling him a beached whale when she thought he was asleep. He remembers his friends spending a whole lunchtime running away from him. He remembers being 11 and having shoes that didn't fit and they hurt and his mum told him to shut the fuck up about it. He remembers his dad bringing home KFC for everyone except him. He remembers slapping his daughter for wetting the bed last night.

Daz remembers being 17, and he remembers doing the old geezer in. But he's forgotten why.

[chveik]

QDRPHNC for his great last shot, and also because one thing actually happened to me:

He remembers his friends spending a whole lunchtime running away from him.

true desolation here

[Gregory Torso]

The last 2 shots were great. QDROHNC

[BlodwynPig]

Fucking hell, QDRPHNC for that last heroin shot of bleakness to the testicles.

[Ferris]

Quadraphonic.

[Bazooka]

QD for the French homework line.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Bolloks! Sorry q didn't notice there were only three shots on - must stop drinking wine on schoolnights tehehehe

And now q has come back with a belter,longformacus desolate done right

I'm voting for Phil a

[:(]

Q

[Noonling]

QDRPHNC, though I'm really sad because Phil's were great too and I shouldn't be made to choose. Trophies all round.

[Huxleys Babkins]

QDRPHNC for me. That last shot was pure, unflinching desolation. Might be the shot of the round so far.

[drummersaredeaf]

QDRPHNC

[Fishfinger]

QDRPHNC for the final shot.

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

QDRPHNC

[the midnight watch baboon]

Q

[chrissiebrmc]

QDRPHNC. True desolation.

[seepage]

QDRPHNC

[dex]

QDRPHNC closing shot straight from the ruptured desolate depths there

[Twit 2]

QD

[Spoon of Ploff]

QDRPHNC squeaks through with 16 votes against Phil_A with less than 16 votes

[QDRPHNC]

Good game, Phil_A. Looking forward to crashing and burning in round two.

[BlodwynPig]

That was brutal. Maybe half-hearted "I'm no good at this" attitude wins the day...OF COURSE IT DOES. ITS DESO QUEST!

[QDRPHNC]

I crashed in round two last year. I'm not built for the long haul.