Kids TV characters not known for fights you would want on your side in a war

[Cerys]

Ludwig would be handy to have around. 

[holyzombiejesus]

The Demon Headmaster and that lion one out of Animal Crackers head up a crack team who use anything to get results.

[biggytitbo]

Sweep would have your throat out given half the chance.

[willpurry]

Bertha for armaments.  Windy Miller could no doubt walk through any barrage unscathed.

[Twed]

Somewhere along the way you cunts forgot that Penny Crayon can draw anything she wishes.

[Lemming]

Tracy Beaker. She really did not fuck about, she'd make a good commander.

Under her command would be El Nombre, the Mexican rat thing who knows about numbers. If we need to use co-ordinates when planning an attack, he can handle the maths. He also has guns, though I think he may be sworn never to use them against another person.

Also in the team would be Jake from the Tweenies. In the likely event that he is shot to death in full view of the rest of the squad, we would all gain a morale boost.

Does Batfink count as kid's TV? It's basically cheat mode, he can just run up to machineguns, put his wings in front and they're fucked. Totally unable to fire.

[Twed]

Postman Pat, if you pay attention to the theme tune lyrics.

"Early in the morning
Justice Day is dawning
Pat seeks retribution if he can."

[biggytitbo]

Why it spiderman and superman, but postmun pat and firemun sam? EHH?

[thenoise]

Angelo off of Mike and Angelo would be useful as a ninja due to his walking on walls and ceilings gimmick.  If he can juggle he can probably lob a grenade reasonably accurately.

Wizadora, due to being magic.  So long as she didn't bring that useless coat hanger cunt along.

Sooty too.  Without the squeaking retard, or his annoying patronising girlfriend.  All the magic ones.  Without their dumb sidekicks.  Please.

[thraxx]

Wordy from Words and Pictures but with all Stanley knife blades stuck on him would be badass.

And Long Distance Clara from Pidgeon Street except she drives her truck like the cunt in the film Duel.

[solidified gruel merchant]

William's Wish Wellingtons


Fucking game over.

[DoesNotFollow]

The Poddington Peas are ready to do their bit to feed the fighting soldier (by feeding the fighting soldier)!

[Malcy]

Somewhere along the way you cunts forgot that Penny Crayon can draw anything she wishes.

Nope. I mentioned her at the beginning of the thread. Who's the cunt now?!?!

[massive bereavement]

Somewhere along the way you cunts forgot that Penny Crayon can draw anything she wishes.

BBC rip off of ITV's "Simon in the Land of Chalk" which was 15 years earlier.

[Absorb the anus burn]

Chock-A-Block used to be called Choke-A-Bloke, but gave up his strangling ways and took up a new identity as an unconvincing computer. Despite the trauma of having his ROM and RAM fiddled with by Fred Harris, I'd still want him on my side in a war.

[holyzombiejesus]

Somewhere along the way you cunts forgot that Penny Crayon can draw anything she wishes.

2nd fucking post.

Pingu and his seal friend, Steve's Japanese friend from American Dad & Penny Crayon. She could draw all sorts of weapons to use

[holyzombiejesus]

.

[Urinal Cake]

Snuffleupagus. Super Grover. Animal.

[Twed]

2nd fucking post.

Yeah, malcy's alright. It's you other bastards.

[Attila]

Vince from Rex  the Runt.

[Utter Shit]

Given the right encouragement I believe Pob would be willing to wear a suicide vest.

Ahahahahahah fucking hell.

[Malcy]

Yeah, malcy's alright. It's you other bastards.

But we tolerate them! Nice to be nice and all that.

[The Culture Bunker]

You'd surely want Mr Benn, master of disguise, as your top spy behind enemy lines.

I can think of numerous examples of when you'd need some bod dressed as a gladiator or wizard to steal valuable intel.

[Soup]

Auntie Mabel and Pippin from Come Outside. Mabel swooping down in her little spotty plane, dambusters theme blaring. Pippin parachutes out, gives out a rallying howl. Now he's on the ground. chewing viscera from enemy throats.

Mabel flies the two of them off to a munitions factory and learns how to make shrapnel bombs. "Where's Pippin got to?" she says. Oh, he's next door improvising a ballbearing and semtex collar, in case the enemy ever catch him.

Mabel pulling cunts fingers back til they snap. Licks tears off bloody faces."Where's Pippin got to?" she asks. You don't wanna know pal.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

The bloke who used to present Jim'll Fix It would be a good asset should war break out.

[Mrs Wogans lemon drizzle]

Neil Buchanan i think he was called.

[Malcy]

Auntie Mabel and Pippin from Come Outside. Mabel swooping down in her little spotty plane, dambusters theme blaring. Pippin parachutes out, gives out a rallying howl. Now he's on the ground. chewing viscera from enemy throats.

Mabel flies the two of them off to a munitions factory and learns how to make shrapnel bombs. "Where's Pippin got to?" she says. Oh, he's next door improvising a ballbearing and semtex collar, in case the enemy ever catch him.

Mabel pulling cunts fingers back til they snap. Licks tears off bloody faces."Where's Pippin got to?" she asks. You don't wanna know pal.

Superb.

"Look up, look down" she says holding the enemy head. Then whispers "look all around" and she twists their head till the neck snaps...

[Thursday]

Penny from Inspector Gadget would be handy, for all kinds of espionage and subterfuge operations.

[Absorb the anus burn]

I'd want the boy from Johnny Briggs on my side in a war...

But only to use him as a human shield. I would position him somewhere near a weapons silo which would be taken out by an allied cruise missile strike... I would play the opening extended tuba note from the Johnny Briggs theme, just as the missile blew apart the little northern stereotype twerp.

[Blumf]

Auntie Mabel and Pippin from Come Outside.

Come Outside? More like Come and See!