Kids TV characters not known for fights you would want on your side in a war

[pancreas]

I would like some chivalry behind me if I went into battle.

Dogtagnan and the three Muskahounds.

[pancreas]

^ I suppose they were known for fights...

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Snuffleupagus would not not only fucking demolish infantry ranks like a fur-covered wrecking ball, but it also remains an open question whether he has some type of Krueger-esque powers of dream infiltration and reality distortion.

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Brum

I would use Brum to fuck people up bad style

[jobotic]

Bongo, Rory, Twang and BOOTS COME ON YOU CUNTS TELLS US A STORY NOW YOU AIN'T GOT NO TEETH

[Bhazor]

Noseybonk. Maybe not put the fear of god in them but certainly put the worry of bum rape into them.

[georgetaylor]

Finger Bob could get things started with a gesture or two.

Mr Spoon would stir things up, and makes an impromptu poking weapon.

[pancreas]

This guy could have at their children if they don't concede:

[DrGreggles]

Sweetums will fuckin' 'ave yer.

[Utter Shit]

Bernard's Watch could be used to devastating effect in the theatre of war.

True, but if we're raising the possibility of Bernard's Watch, we must also acknowledge the danger of William's Wish Wellingtons. The owner of Bernard's Watch can stop time and steal William's Wish Wellingtons, whereas the owner of William's Wish Wellingtons can simply wish for Bernard's Watch.

IMO both of these are potential weapons of mass destruction individually, but combined they would cause no end of suffering. In fact there is a good case for saying that the quest to combine the two (achieving ultimate power in the process) could be reason enough for war in the first place. If white phosphorus is considered 'borderline' with regard to the Geneva Convention, the watch and the wellies both need to be banned outright. Millions of lives are at stake.

[Space ghost]

Sport Billy. Gets things out of his special satchel and they go big. Anything you want, a jeep a football. The implications are huge.

[Delete Delete Delete]

True, but if we're raising the possibility of Bernard's Watch, we must also acknowledge the danger of William's Wish Wellingtons. The owner of Bernard's Watch can stop time and steal William's Wish Wellingtons, whereas the owner of William's Wish Wellingtons can simply wish for Bernard's Watch.

IMO both of these are potential weapons of mass destruction individually, but combined they would cause no end of suffering. In fact there is a good case for saying that the quest to combine the two (achieving ultimate power in the process) could be reason enough for war in the first place. If white phosphorus is considered 'borderline' with regard to the Geneva Convention, the watch and the wellies both need to be banned outright. Millions of lives are at stake.

What if they got hold of jasmies Magic Torch too,they would become a Pan Dimensinal threat.

[Utter Shit]

I've never heard of Jamie's Magic Torch, but it sounds awful.

The programme was based around the young boy of the title and his torch. When shone on the floor, the torch opened up a hole into a fun dimension called Cuckoo Land.

Sub-topic: three sides of equal number, power and ability. One has the Magic Torch, one has the Wish Wellingtons, one has the Watch. Who's winning? I Reckon the Wellington team, the wish element has a wider array of possibilities.

[thenoise]

BBC rip off feminist reimagining of ITV's "Simon in the Land of Chalk" which was 15 years earlier.

Typical fragile white mails don't want to relinquish their magical drawing implements?

[thenoise]

main character from queen's nose. steal magic coin, 'i wish we win the war', game over.

We could throw in the one with the tits as a useful enemy distraction technique. Or maybe to help with the post war celebrations.

[king_tubby]

Which is the drunk one from PJ and Duncan? Him. Also being from the North East he would 'pagga'.

Oh hang on, if the drunk one is also the blind one I retract that.

[Malcy]

I've never heard of Jamie's Magic Torch, but it sounds awful.

Sub-topic: three sides of equal number, power and ability. One has the Magic Torch, one has the Wish Wellingtons, one has the Watch. Who's winning? I Reckon the Wellington team, the wish element has a wider array of possibilities.

Bernard could click his watch instantly and destroy the wellies and torch.

[DrGreggles]

Sport Billy. Gets things out of his special satchel and they go big. Anything you want, a jeep a football. The implications are huge.

He used to get the tiny bag out, which grew. Then he'd take something from the bag, which grew.
Just imagine how tiny the something was inside the tiny bag!
#TINY

[Cuellar]

The dad from My Parents are Aliens (also in thick of it etc) - cold, dead eyes of a killer.

Plus he's an alien.

[Lord Mandrake]

The Flumps go on Para training, Grandpa is an immediate medical discharge, Ma and Pa are fucking accidently shot and Perkin goes tonto in the mess, slotting an officer. Only Posie and Pootle get their wings.

[FredNurke]

Perkin would be turned back at the door - that cloud over his head's a visibility hazard.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

Pugwall's band but not Pugwall. I'd get Neil Finn to stand in on vocals/cornet.

Oh and the Crow Master from Worzel for tactical planning.

[Huxleys Babkins]

Johnny Briggs. Can't remember anything about it other than the theme tune, but it would be nice to march to, I reckon.

Ooooooh-ooompah-oompah-oompah-oomp. Oomyoomyoompah-oomp.

[Blumf]

Which is the drunk one from PJ and Duncan?

I think that'd contravene the Geneva Convention, what with their chemical weapons use and that...



"He cannae see, man!"

[Utter Shit]

Apparently in the original script those paintball bullets were cut with a powerful nerve agent.

[Icehaven]

Alfonso Bonzo could be quite handy, he's tall, can do magic stuff (I think anyway) and had a definite dark psychopathic streak that means he'd show no mercy when dispatching the enemy. Plus he's Italian and they're always a bit lairy aren't they. And he might know some gangsters.   

[The Bumlord]

Moschops, teeth gritted with kamikaze determination as he pilots his dive-bomber to a glorious, fiery end.

[hummingofevil]

Box from Allsorts could be used to gob-off squaddies; good for moral and all that.

[Depressed Beyond Tables]

Patrick Moore. He'd be ace at sea navigation. Granted you'd have to chuck him overboard eventually for prattling on about the cosmos and Streets of Rage II.

[Blumf]

Patrick Moore. He'd be ace at sea navigation. Granted you'd have to chuck him overboard eventually for prattling on about the cosmos and Streets of Rage II.

Yeah, but he'd get you all the cheat codes.

"Drive your tank - forwards forwards, back back, left rotate, right rotate, left rotate, right rotate, and fire a depleted uranium shell 3 times."