'Sorry Dr Rock, you are banned from using this forum! Dont come back this time.'

[Petey Pate]

Puerile whimsey works best if there's some contrast to it. This is why the arguments over the merit of Poo were often more entertaining than his actual posts. Serious discussion over the comedic value of a clown bumhole tickles me more than a clown bumhole by itself.

[BlodwynPig]

Enough introspection. Who's going to man the versus 2019 compo?

Some early entries in this post-poo-awareness CaB

A Gentleman Wrestler
Beige Brian
After you, I insist
Smooth of Face 2000
The Polite Twins
The Baking Champion of Oswestry
Gloylot from Poland

[Pearly-Dewdrops Drops]

Incidentally, here's what Andrew from off Bake-Off has to say about gender stereotypes:

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/great-british-bake-off-andrew-smyth-channel-4-bbc-interview-a7621431.html

"When I look at baking I rarely consider what's manly or not - I love making everything from delicate cupcakes to massive loaves"

I bet he makes massive loaves, doesn't he Pijlstaart?

He's not talking about gender stereotypes, he's talking about "manly" vs. "apelike" stereotypes there.

[Captain Z]

There still was never a final of the last VERSUS.

[BlodwynPig]

There still was never a final of the last VERSUS.

Just like the 70s, Versus was "a different time".

[QDRPHNC]

Just like the 70s, Versus was "a different time".

Things sure have changed around here. 10 years last July.

Cyuh.

[non capisco]

Regarding Doomy Dwyer, he once recommended me via PM a memoir of some Hollywood scriptwriter who got bang on the heroin and could only get a job writing an episode of A.L.F, that wisecracking 80s alien puppet thing. At his lowest ebb this bloke was holed up in a motel hallucinating A.L.F trying to break down the toilet door. It was a rollicking read and one of many entertaining books I gave away in a gift box to a close friend who was in hospital with an unexplainable paralysis condition. So thank you Doomy, from me and my mate who also enjoyed that leftfield recommendation during a time of abject physical and emotional crisis.

[Chairman Bodog]

I might not have another chance to say this but opiates are proper trouble. They make your doodong flat and flaccid. They make you think it's sound to not have a bath for a month. They make you justify stealing meds from your gramp. They make you shit once a lifetime. They make food taste incredible but you can only handle a tiddled portion and waste the rest. They make you so irritated on comedowns that you feel like slashing any cunt that tells you to calm down.

Just don't get into it. I learned the long way, starting on dihydrocodeine. All it takes, mangos.

[QDRPHNC]

Not to make light of this whole situation, but every time in the last two days I've seen this thread pop up, I think "I'm sorry Mr Hawk, your pardon has been turned down. You have been found guilty of premeditated homicide of a mouse, and you will be hanged by the neck until dead."

[Ferris]

There still was never a final of the last VERSUS.

I've mentioned it a few times, but joking aside; I need closure on the VERSUS final of 2018.

Seriously though.

[JesusAndYourBush]

Ironically the only time I've ever found poo funny was when DD shared his shitting himself odyssey

That was superb!  "They were pants in name only" is one phrase that sticks in my mind.

[pancreas]

I agree, it's just when you say a "high level of language skill", then I think of clever wordplay and such, and don't see any of that - in fact quite the opposite, I see a crude bluntness that I can't find any skill in. But yeah, I don't think you like him as an affectation either, I know people didn't see all the complexity I saw in Bellamy's People or wherever, so I get it.  Oh well. Good night all.

If you can't read through the list of entrants to XMAS VERSUS without appreciating that there's something, something going on, then I don't know what to say. We're not making it up, for god's sakes.

You are absolutely at liberty not to like it but I don't understand how you can't find some degree of artistry there. In that at least, a whole bunch of us would be delighted if we'd made such a post, even if it weren't part of some grander story.

[pancreas]

I have tears streaming down my face reading that again.

17.   Sociopathic Powerslut II
35.   Shit n' Onions
123.   Psychology Turd
209.   Art of the Hyperbeavre

I mean, COME ON.

[vanilla.coffee]

poo describing a social summer gathering where a couple of them nipped out for some Greggs was just sublime.

The poster calling him out on the sluts initiating his retirement was a sad day for me. I thoroughly dislike people who choose to be offended because that's exactly what it is. A choice.

His writing and cadence is sorely missed.

[Thursday]

Okay setttle down Ricky Gervais.

[Barry Admin]

If you can't read through the list of entrants to XMAS VERSUS without appreciating that there's something, something going on, then I don't know what to say. We're not making it up, for god's sakes.

You are absolutely at liberty not to like it but I don't understand how you can't find some degree of artistry there. In that at least, a whole bunch of us would be delighted if we'd made such a post, even if it weren't part of some grander story.

12 matches for the word "cum" alone.

No thanks. It's repetitive, childish and lacking in creativity. Loads of the usual self-referential "here's my catchphrase now, guys" stuff too, that drives me up the bloody wall.

Edit: I hate that I've entered this stupid discussion once again, because they always end up with me being called a miserable bastard, and told how awful it must be for me not to see the comedic brilliance of Anal Cum Queen or whatever else. Can I please just not find him funny?

[BeardFaceMan]

All the poo, bumming and willy stuff makes HS Art read like a Richard Herring fever dream.

[Barry Admin]

I might not have another chance to say this...

Not posting any more racism or pornography really isn't a particularly big ask, mate.

[Gregory Torso]

Regarding Doomy Dwyer, he once recommended me via PM a memoir of some Hollywood scriptwriter who got bang on the heroin and could only get a job writing an episode of A.L.F, that wisecracking 80s alien puppet thing. At his lowest ebb this bloke was holed up in a motel hallucinating A.L.F trying to break down the toilet door. It was a rollicking read and one of many entertaining books I gave away in a gift box to a close friend who was in hospital with an unexplainable paralysis condition. So thank you Doomy, from me and my mate who also enjoyed that leftfield recommendation during a time of abject physical and emotional crisis.

A few months ago I posted something about struggling with being separated from my family, fucking up and being stranded on different continents, and Doomy - who I had never had any previous contact with at all - sent me a PM from nowhere telling me that he liked my posts and chatting about Gregory Corso (who I am obviously nick named after). Me, a no one, a hanging dust mote. Lovely guy and fantastic poster, and I dearly wish there more like him and Castro Diaz around.
Anyway enough virtual dick sucking. Back to the dreamless brown void.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

poo is like The Mighty Boosh to Pijlstaarts's Reeves and Mortimer.

That is *such* a good comparison. So much so, that I'm quoting it now, almost three fucking pages later. I really can't stand poo's crushingly unfunny nonsense, whereas I regard yer man Pijlstaarts as an absolute titan in the world of daft laugh absurdist comedy, a genius right up there with the aforementioned R and M, Eric Idle when he was doing Rutland Weekend Television, Bird and Fortune when they were doing "Well, Anyway", and me especially when I'm doing all that hilarious stuff about being in love with that massively fit Jodie Comer Lookalike Russian bird, I bet everyone at CAB thinks that's a delight to read.

[Johnny Yesno]

I have tears streaming down my face reading that again.

17.   Sociopathic Powerslut II
35.   Shit n' Onions
123.   Psychology Turd
209.   Art of the Hyperbeavre

I mean, COME ON.

Nope, not a flicker.

[Barry Admin]

Nope, not a flicker.

Halfway down that page, Moondust goes into the usual "isn't he an academic?" routine. It really does seem you have to be invested in this juxtaposition, one which I'm not even sure is true in reality.

[Jockice]

Out of interest, how many people have actually been banned? The only ones I know of in my four or so years on here are Milverton and my mate Dr Rock but there may be others who I am not aware of. I'm going for a shower now, I expect a full list of names and their crimes by the time I get back. Thanks.

[doppelkorn]

Neil, let it go. You clearly hate poo, but many of us don't. Deal with it mate.

[vanilla.coffee]

(Removed - sleeping dogs, yeah)

[The Boston Crab]

Pijlstaart is actually really not funny. He's 'funny' in a Radio 4 Independent reader kind of mild English absurdist way, which is fine if you just want to be mildly tickled over a cup of tea and then have a good walk along the fuckin prom and have some tiffin. A Londis Ivor Cutler vibe. Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band tribute act tier. Pleasant, very well-meaning, mildly warming, but never actually made anyone laugh 


That said, must be great if you actually laugh at that stuff. Not long til the old John Lewis advert eh!


YOU PIECE OF SHIT

[Barry Admin]

Neil, let it go. You clearly hate poo, but many of us don't. Deal with it mate.

Jesus Christ, this is what I mean, I just don't find him funny. You deal with that, mate.

I don't know anything about him, I'm sure he's lovely, accusing me of "hating" him is mean-spirited fucking bullshit.

[ZoyzaSorris]

Fucking hell there's some dull dour cunts on here. If you arent amused by poo (the poster or the stinking mucus-coated sausages of bilirubin and bile that emerge from all human bottoms) you are a total fucking twat. Simple equation.

[Barry Admin]

Fucking hell there's some dull dour cunts on here. If you arent amused by poo (the poster or the stinking mucus-coated sausages of bilirubin and bile that emerge from all human bottoms) you are a total fucking twat. Simple equation.

Okay great, thanks.

[ZoyzaSorris]

Apart from Neil. He is allowed to dislike poo. (I dont want to get banned)