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Tales from the Milton Keynes Cows

Started by Spoon of Ploff, November 08, 2018, 11:11:52 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Spoon of Ploff

1. Someone Sat on Carl:

Someone sat on Carl the other day....

... bastard.


2. Weather:

It rained for a couple of hours this afternoon...


... bastard weather.

Spoon of Ploff

3. Aylesbury Ducks:

Only just found out the Aylesbury ducks are gone...

... Ha ha haaaaaah.

Spoon of Ploff

4. The grass is always greener on the other side

People say this, but they never bring us any, so we can't make the proper comparison...

... it's not as if we can go there and find out for ourselves you worthless bastards!

Spoon of Ploff

5. Global Warming:

Apparently my farts are killing the planet...

... well thats just victim blaming isn't it?


Anyway. Fuck the bastard planet.

Spoon of Ploff

6. Vandalism:



You think this is funny do you..?

... utter utter bastard.

Spoon of Ploff

7. Curiosity

I've heard it said that if a human lies down in a field we will wander over and lick their feet...

... no mate. We will suck the eyes from your sockets and drown your screams of agony with our rancid pats!!

Spoon of Ploff

Man, this is the Dennis Skinner thread all over again.

PlanktonSideburns

I don't understand.

Is there a tutorial video for this thread anywhere?

pancreas

8. Fellow cows! Are you not concerned that we seem to be static? For example, I feel like I have needed a really good crap for the last ten years. Perhaps we are being oppressed by the neoliberal elites I hear so much about.

(I don't really know what I'm doing here. Said the cows.)

hamfist

9. Dearest sister cows, are we not drab and parsimonious compared to the delectable bovine drag queens of zürich ?


Spoon of Ploff

Having to explain it only highlights the total and utter failure of the concept and its delivery.

At Milton Keynes (in Buckinghamshire) there are these shite concrete cows. Now imagine if those cows were sentient beings. They can't move, and they have Legend Garys like this pair abusing them on a daily basis:



Now, bored, bitter and twisted they have been given a platform on H.S. Art to speak their brains.

Nice one hamfist. Have some imaginary beef karma.

madhair60


Spoon of Ploff

Quote from: madhair60 on November 09, 2018, 03:14:33 PM
hahahaha! haha love it mate!

Not sure how genuine this is but I'm counting it.

Lisa Jesusandmarychain

I 'm pretty sure maddo's being sincere. I thought it was really funny, too. Was massively Lolling at the first two posts today, and when my South African Brenda Blethyn Lookalike colleague asked what I was laffing at and I showed her, she wasn't all that impressed. You Can't please everyone though, I suppose. It was Carl the cow that really set me off.

vanilla.coffee

Quote from: Spoon of Ploff on November 08, 2018, 11:19:34 AM
3. Aylesbury Ducks:

Only just found out the Aylesbury ducks are gone...

... Ha ha haaaaaah.

They still have some in Haddenham.

Spoon of Ploff

Quote from: vanilla.coffee on November 09, 2018, 05:02:16 PM
They still have some in Haddenham.

The Milton Keynes cows are only concerned with other inanimate creatures. This is one of the Aylesbury ducks they were crowing about:



#ducksaregone

Spoon of Ploff


Spoon of Ploff

10. Horses

Word is the Kelpies have been saying we look rubbish and laughing...

... pair of bastards



Glebe


Fishfinger


Glebe


Spoon of Ploff

11. Longevity

We heard in that there London they made a statue out of soap. Look at this bastard!



C*nts falling apart! But we will abide!!

Spoon of Ploff

12. Doubt

How long does concrete live for anyway..?

... any of you bastards a concrete expert?

Head Gardener



classic MK pop, produced by Wild Willy Barrett

Spoon of Ploff

13. Wild Willy Barrett

Trish likes Wild Willy Barrett...

... the rest of us think he's a talentless bastard: a destroyed Syd Barrett who's O.D'd on one too many turnips.


Spoon of Ploff

14. Europe - The Netherlands



Fuck me it's a giant aardvark. What in god's name is wrong with people?


Spoon of Ploff

15. The Leonids meteor shower.

Got pretty excited about this, but then Mary reminded us that none of us could actually look up...

... so that's gone for a burton then.

Glebe


Spoon of Ploff

15. The Antipodes


Let us salute our sisters and brothers in the southern hemisphere



Sheila and Bruce report that they do not like Wild Willy Barrett either...

... he's a Pommie bastard, they say.