TROPICAL DESOLATON

[PlanktonSideburns]

a falling coconut brings a family pick nick to a ghastly premature end

A maraca is eventually removed from a grade 4 world music percussionist. His conservatory options as shredded as his undercarriage

[New Jack]

A roaming psychopath beheads a woman for zero reason with a machete


.. Too soon?

[PlanktonSideburns]

A bossa nova lobotomy

[New Jack]

A small blonde girl is allegedly abducted leading to her poster going up in the tiki bar

[Huxleys Babkins]

A man looking like Wesley Snipes in traditional African dress forcefully tries to sell plastic tat to a disinterested tourist to afford his daughter's eye medicine.

[seepage]

an accountant pays 150 dollars a head to eat some "fresh" fish, sitting on a plastic chair with Philip Green at the next table

[BlodwynPig]

Papa's old guinea pig.

[Ferris]

A message in a bottle from the 1760s washes up in Bermuda, 2011. It contains nothing by angry, racially charged invective, scrawled over a page from the Bible.

[Huxleys Babkins]

A panicked British tourist in agony is convinced by a gang of giggling Barbados teens that the only way to cure a jellyfish sting is by sucking off a dog.

[saltysnacks]

You buy a pair of glasses from Wesley Snipes, he immediately asks you if you want glasses again. You buy them out of politeness, this repeats for 50 minutes. You buy the last pair and he leaves, after 15 minutes, he brings a fresh rack and the process begins again.

Whilst taking 473 pairs of sunglasses back to the hotel, you realise it was the actual Wesley Snipes.

[Lemming]

A disaffected teen declares that a beautiful ocean vista is "for wankers"

[Spoon of Ploff]

A man drowns in his home made Lilt.

[New Jack]

Just asking in what locale, precisely, do the peoples consume the libation known heretofore as Um Bongo?

[Lemming]

Just asking in what locale, precisely, do the peoples consume the libation known heretofore as Um Bongo?

Durham.

[New Jack]

Is it fuck too orangey for crows, you fuckin racist

[the midnight watch baboon]

UB40 get stung in the heart when rerecording their version of Red, Red, Wine out in Caribbean

[Cuntbeaks]

Looky Looky Man now Rapey Rapey Man

A big slack fanny leaks fuck juice and gristle onto a sun lounger.

Scrambled eggs and kidney beans for breakfast, every, fucking, day.

[buttgammon]

A coconut crab is shunned by the local community, despite its enthusiasm for recycling.

[dex]

Um-Bongo cartons filed with piss.

[petril]

a dreary afternoon in Asda denying the clear memory that Viz isn't out for another four days, but it's in Trinidad

[Huxleys Babkins]

Russell Grant tearfully pleads "but it's totally tropical" as he and a muscular local wearing nothing but a towel are ejected from a Jamaican resort after filling the jacuzzi with Lilt.

[Lord Mandrake]

Let me take you to the place
Where membership's depends on race
Brush genitals with the stars
Where strangers take you by the hand
And force you to inhale glands
From beneath their panamas

Club Tropicana ladies first drinks are free
Rape and sunshine, there's enough for everyone
All them pissing in the sea
But don't worry, you can suntan!

[Shoulders?-Stomach!]

Club Tropicana drinks your pee

[buttgammon]

The last surviving member of a rare toucan species is buried under asphalt to build a new American military base on Fuckatoga Atoll.

[Huxleys Babkins]

After saving for eight years for the silver wedding anniversary getaway Marjorie had dreamed of for so long, Frank is fucking apoplectic after being told that the 4 star Maldives resort doesn't serve a full English breakfast.

[New Jack]

The sun is too hot. I like the sun, don't get me wrong, but this is too hot

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

Lord Slurryforth of Cackshire moves his money offshore to the Cayman Islands in order to avoid paying tax on any of it.

He flies out to meet with the monetary "advisors" in charge of his rather large investment portfolio. When he gets into the meeting room all he can see are foul stinking sweaty pigs in suits. He blinks and wipes his dripping brow, nope, still pigs.


Errrm, fuck don't know where im going with this and i have to go to work.

The pigs EAT HIM.... or something.

fuckitpost

[Ferris]

Lord Slurryforth of Cackshire moves his money offshore to the Cayman Islands in order to avoid paying tax on any of it.

He flies out to meet with the monetary "advisors" in charge of his rather large investment portfolio. When he gets into the meeting room all he can see are foul stinking sweaty pigs in suits. He blinks and wipes his dripping brow, nope, still pigs.


Errrm, fuck don't know where im going with this and i have to go to work.

The pigs EAT HIM.... or something.

fuckitpost

There is literally nothing wrong with structuring your assets in a manner that is tax efficient.

...is what I have to tell myself every morning on my way to work.

[buttgammon]

A missionary introduces chlamydia to a remote Polynesian island.