DESOLATION QUEST 2018 ROUND TWO - Noonling v BlodwynPig

[Noonling]

When Geoff performed badly in bed his wife would make him stand on the stairs all night and think about where he went wrong.

[BlodwynPig]

After watching the documentary, Geoff pledges to create the East Riding version of Death On a Staircase. With a tub of lard, a feather duster and some tinned tomatoes. She's at the Bingo tonight.

[Noonling]

Geoff downs a glass of whiskey to steady himself. And another. By the time the wife opens the front door he's just sat on the top stair sobbing. He apologises for every wrong he's committed against her: All those times he's cackled too loudly at The Mash Report. That time she was in the bathroom beautifying herself for him, and he accidentally came to a video of Fiona Bruce when he only meant to use it to fluff up a little. Most of all he apologies for Valentines Day 2010, when he took her to a fancy restaurant but couldn't face going dancing afterwards because one of his patients at work had hung themselves. He even apologises for not wrestling the phone away from her that night when she called her ex-husband to beg him to come back to her. A proper husband would have saved her from herself.

When at last he's spent he stands up, arms outstretched to hug her... But he's forgotten the lard he smeared on the stairs. Head over shin over hip over teeth he falls, then gasps one last apology for the mess he's made.

[BlodwynPig]

After positioning Geoff's mangled body at the bottom of the stairs, Susan retires to the bedroom with her favourite fire poke. Picks up the tub of lard on the way.

[pancreas]

It's twelve o'clock noon and this is On The Hour.

[Noonling]

It's twelve o'clock noon and this is On The Hour.

I don't know what you mean by this but I am personally offended and you will be hearing from my solicitors.

_{Is it because I put too many little bits in and that's frowned upon?}

[BlodwynPig]

I don't know what you mean by this but I am personally offended and you will be hearing from my solicitors.

_{Is it because I put too many little bits in and that's frowned upon?}

I think he voted for you.

[Pingers]

Noonling. The Fiona Bruce line got me. I came.

[Noonling]

I think he voted for you.

Oh. Yes. Hence the bold. I forgot my username.

[Gregory Torso]

Blodwyn

[PlanktonSideburns]

Noonlinger

[chveik]

tHE pIG

[Fishfinger]

Nooling for the 2nd, a nicely desolate vignette.

[madhair60]

Noonling

[:(]

Noodling for the second

[QDRPHNC]

Noonling, for the second shot.

[Foggy Buntwhistle]

Noonling, showing versatility in deso styles there as well. Lovely stuff Clive.

[Twit 2]

NOONLING

[drummersaredeaf]

Noon.

[Ferris]

Noonling for the second shot. Sensational efforts all round though.

[the midnight watch baboon]

Blodwins.

[seepage]

BlodwynPig

[Huxleys Babkins]

Noonling. Beautiful.

[Spoon of Ploff]

It's high Noonling with 12 votes to the pig's 4.

[BlodwynPig]

Well done Noonling, prosper in your soiled skip and may it lead to the oily wigged victory.