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I'm A Celeb... 2018

Started by Malcy, November 13, 2018, 11:17:52 AM

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Malcy

Wish that guy would stop saying 'smashed it'.

Lemming

"We need someone with brains, and someone physically fit".

Great plan. So you pick Anne Hegerty for brains, naturally. Then, for physical fitness, you DON'T pick Nick fucking Knowles, DIY expert?

Bobtoo

What's the H&S like on this? I'll be really disappointed if that cunt Barrowman doesn't die.

jobotic

So where the fuck is Edmonds?

Lemming

Noel's incoming. He'll be here in a couple days, apparently. Maybe he'll have to parachute in on live TV and he just pulls the cord and nothing comes out.

Quote from: Bobtoo on November 18, 2018, 10:35:53 PM
What's the H&S like on this? I'll be really disappointed if that cunt Barrowman doesn't die.

Harnesses all over the shop, minimal risk of Barrowman plunging to his demise while singing showtunes. Got bored at the lack of Noel and switched over to watch Die Hard 2 on Film4, maybe it got more dangerous after I switched over.

Bobtoo

Quote from: Lemming on November 18, 2018, 10:48:41 PM

Harnesses all over the shop, minimal risk of Barrowman plunging to his demise while singing showtunes.

That's disappointing, but if Edmonds is involved it could still happen.

JesusAndYourBush

Quote from: Malcy on November 18, 2018, 09:53:12 PM
Wish that guy would stop saying 'smashed it'.

Yes I noticed that phrase has got popular over the last few years.  Isn't the derivation an unsavoury comment from Richard Keys & Andy Grey?

Quote from: Pseudopath on November 17, 2018, 09:52:16 AM
Not sure, but I bet they do a shit "Dec the halls with boughs of Holly" joke at some point.

10 minutes into the first episode.  Barrowman sang it as Holly & Dec approached in boat.
And as I guessed he would, Dec is still doing the always-on-the-right schtick.  Their bants are below par though.  Makes me think Ant was the main gag writer.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Quote from: Lemming on November 18, 2018, 10:22:20 PM
"We need someone with brains, and someone physically fit".

Great plan. So you pick Anne Hegerty for brains, naturally. Then, for physical fitness, you DON'T pick Nick fucking Knowles, DIY expert?

That was nuts. Say what you like about DIY Nick Knowles by all means, but I'd want him on my team if a task involved, I dunno, knocking up a shed or moving some bits of wood around. Or anything involving a bit of hard graft.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

What's more exhausting, do you think? Being in the company of John Barrowman or actually being him?

Deanjam

Quote from: Ballad of Ballard Berkley on November 19, 2018, 03:22:49 PM
What's more exhausting, do you think? Being in the company of John Barrowman or actually being him?

He's so tiresome. I bet he masturbates in the mirror.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Quote from: Deanjam on November 19, 2018, 04:25:22 PM
He's so tiresome. I bet he masturbates in the mirror.

He's probably quite nice really, but he's one of those needy showbiz personalities who's always 'on' whenever a camera is pointed in their direction.

I hope he eventually snaps and explodes into a full Glaswegian, sweary meltdown.

mothman

Here's hoping. Whereas I don't think even Gillian Anderson knows whether her "real" accent is American or British, Barrowman's always feels fake and forced. You'd think after all these years he'd be better at it, but it just sounds like something he's putting on. Which he is.

Edit: here he is, switching back and forth. https://youtu.be/lcKol37OR6s

Lemming

SHITTING ON A TOILET

WE HAVE SHITTING

BEST TV OF 2018

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Oh, I take all that back about Barrowman. Yes he's quite annoying, but he appears to be a genuinely nice man.

Utter Shit

This is shaping up to be the kind of group I like, where they're mostly sound and you see them trying to help each other through what is quite a difficult thing to cope with physically and emotionally. Far prefer that sort of show where you tune in just to see how everyone's getting on once a day, rather than hoping for bitching and breakdowns.  Emily's task was mad, I can't remember the last time I saw a snake just go mental like that - in that situation I'm almost certain I'd get kicked off the show after panicking and booting the snake as hard as I could.

Lemming

Yeah, all the contestants so far seem like really nice people, lifting each other up. Rita Simons talking to Anne about quiz shit and sharing experiences of autism and OCD as the rest of the team joined in was genuinely pleasant to watch.

This will only make it all the more bittersweet when Noel parachutes in and immediately aggros everyone with his nonstop Lloyds bullshit.

mothman

Yeah, everyone's getting on well, for all it's early days. They keep slebs like Noel in reserve, to throw in like a hand grenade.

Quote from: Ballad of Ballard Berkley on November 19, 2018, 10:37:39 PM
Oh, I take all that back about Barrowman. Yes he's quite annoying, but he appears to be a genuinely nice man.

I have to admit to being surprised by all the Barrowman hate here. OK, so fame might have gone to his head a bit since Who. But then if you'd spent the best part of twenty years in relative obscurity mostly in musical theatre, to then find yourself with your own TV shows and recording contracts and being in Hollywood movies, who can blame him if he went overboard a tad?

steve98

Quote from: JesusAndYourBush on November 19, 2018, 02:14:45 AM

And as I guessed he would, Dec is still doing the always-on-the-right schtick.  Their bants are below par though.  Makes me think Ant was the main gag writer.

They don't write the gags, do they? They should be ashamed if they do: they're fucking awful. The patter between A&D was/is chronic but I did laugh at Dec's - written for him of course - intro yesterday re Willowbee; summat like " Eagle-eyed viewers will spot something different about tonight's presenter line-up: One of Britain's most gorgeous and charming TV presenters is joined by... Holly Willowbee... ". It's the only time I've ever laughed at anything he's (Or the missing Ant) ever said.

She looks gormless and lost.

Lemming

You can tell Holly is constantly formulating great jokes about Ant's drunk driving antics in her head, and then physically straining not to say them out loud as doing so would be career suicide.

Ballad of Ballard Berkley

Quote from: mothman on November 20, 2018, 12:48:30 AM
I have to admit to being surprised by all the Barrowman hate here. OK, so fame might have gone to his head a bit since Who. But then if you'd spent the best part of twenty years in relative obscurity mostly in musical theatre, to then find yourself with your own TV shows and recording contracts and being in Hollywood movies, who can blame him if he went overboard a tad?

No one has expressed any hate towards him!


Ballad of Ballard Berkley

POP FACT: Nick Knowles' debut album entered the charts with a bullet at # 92.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXjO-M0iG-U

Bobtoo

Quote from: Ballad of Ballard Berkley on November 20, 2018, 05:06:17 AM
No one has expressed any hate towards him!

I have, and will continue to do so.

mothman

Am I going to have to read the Edmonds thread to understand the Lloyds Bank thing?

Utter Shit

Quote from: Lemming on November 19, 2018, 11:11:18 PM
Yeah, all the contestants so far seem like really nice people, lifting each other up. Rita Simons talking to Anne about quiz shit and sharing experiences of autism and OCD as the rest of the team joined in was genuinely pleasant to watch.

This will only make it all the more bittersweet when Noel parachutes in and immediately aggros everyone with his nonstop Lloyds bullshit.

Oh God yeah he's going to ruin it isn't he. I have a vision of him turning up like The Undertaker back in early 2000s WWF - camp lights all go out, a voice says "ARE YOU SCARED?" and then Noel zips into camp on a Harley, kicking up dust and mud into all the campmates' faces. Chokeslam to Nick Knowles as a show of dominance.

Barrowman seems like a nice bloke, just extremely irritating.

Any favourites to win early on? I'm thinking Anne or Rita so far, with Emily as an outside bet. Then again I don't know exactly how the betting usually goes - is it the most entertaining or the nicest that tends to win?

Utter Shit

Quote from: mothman on November 20, 2018, 10:51:48 AM
Am I going to have to read the Edmonds thread to understand the Lloyds Bank thing?

I wrote a handy precis for another forum if that is any help:

QuoteImportant breaking news.

Noel Edmonds has gone mental.

I don't mean he's still going on about cosmic ordering, a phone line for grieving dogs or cancer-curing crystals, the run-of-the-mill Mad Edmonds stuff. He's now gone a step beyond. It seems as though, like many other people in the country, he was done over by some sort of banking scam by Lloyds a few years ago. However, unlike like many other people in the country, he is Noel Edmonds, a rich and somewhat powerful DJ with an enormous ego. So of course, he has taken the only reasonable retaliation against Lloyds - he's set up his own radio station, which he is using specifically to attack Lloyds, on a loop, all day every day.

So far, highlights have included:

-Interviewing himself under the guise of an American presenter (which is very clearly Noel doing a bad accent, which he often gives up on completely, making the whole thing even more confusing), asking scripted questions which, inexplicably, Noel as himself is occasionally unable or unwilling to answer...even though they were his own questions.

-Creating a load of fake adverts, again all recorded by Edmonds himself, including one purporting to be for Lloyds but with loads of insults about the bank.

-Playing endless songs with titles which act as thinly-veiled swipes at Lloyds, including "Would I Lie To You", "You've Got To Pick A Pocket Or Two", "Money For Nothing", "Smooth Criminal", "For The Love Of Money", "I Need A Dollar", "Money Money Money", "Backstabbers" and "Fool If You Think It's Over". The best thing about the playlist is that sometimes he'll put on a song with a normal-sounding title like "I Love My Girl" or whatever, and you'll be a bit baffled...then it will turn out the penultimate line is "you stole my heart like Lloyds stole my money" or some shit like that.

-Taking stilted, clearly pre-planned calls from people awkwardly praising his show.

And all of this while ranting endlessly about what a disgraceful organisation Lloyds is.

I really cannot emphasise enough how utterly mad this is. Well worth a moment of anyone's time.

http://edge01.media.positivityradio.world:8081/positively/noel64/icecast.audio

http://noel.world/noel-news/lloyds-victims-radio-station-now-52786-regular-listeners/

New Jack

Quote
-Interviewing himself under the guise of an American presenter (which is very clearly Noel doing a bad accent, which he often gives up on completely, making the whole thing even more confusing), asking scripted questions which, inexplicably, Noel as himself is occasionally unable or unwilling to answer...even though they were his own questions.

That sounds ace, like he's doing a Kaufman-esque satire of his very self.

He's probably not though, as he's mad as a box of frogs

Bobtoo

It's worth seeking out his alternative voice over for the Lloyds advert with the horses on the beach.

Norton Canes


Ambient Sheep

Quote from: Norton Canes on November 20, 2018, 11:12:51 AM
What was the scam?

Briefly put, and trying not to get sued, my understanding (from reading Private Eye, which was covering this issue long before Noel exploded about it) is that the allegation is as follows:

Lloyds TSB's small business department would allegedly suddenly declare a successfully-trading small business as unviable, and close it down, purely so that their mates in the insolvency/administration department could take it over and/or asset-strip it and/or make lots of money in "consultancy fees".  Something like that anyway.

Allegedly been going on for years, with hundreds of small businesses that were viable going concerns being destroyed -- their owners just being called in one day and being told "we're shutting you down" -- just so the sociopathic bankers could make some extra cash... and then they were stupid enough to try it on with Noel, who as can be seen is not going down without a fight.

Note the above is the allegation as I understand it from reading Private Eye and skimming Edmonds' website a year or two ago.  It may well be entirely incorrect.


It sounds like I really should watch this series... not done so since Lydon, although I did briefly dip into the one with George Takei.

mothman

Thanks US and AS. I do think I recall seeing an item on the scam on Channel 4 News at some point, though I don't recall if it was Lloyds identified as doing it in that case.

Sadly they'll edit anything he says out, and if it looks like he'll say anything during the live BTT announcements, they'll either mute his mic or use a time delay. Suspect post-Lydon they do that anyway.