Prostate Examination

[Blue Jam]

I had an arse endoscopy last week. you go in your normal clothes & change into a gown & arse-fuck paper shorts. they sent me an enema kit prior, which I deployed on myself an hour before setting off- clears you right out.
three ladies did it. I had to lie on my side with my knees pulled up to my chest. they shoved this snakey camera in, a few inches at a time, with a really bright light on the end.
as well as the thing's actual video, there's some way- ultrasound or something- that they can see how much of it has gone in & where it's got to. I could see it going round all the bends like it was a dyno-rod appliance, & it fucking hurt when it made a turn. "that's what period cramps are like", they told me- apparently they practise on each other, so they know.
after a while, I could tune it out & just play with setting off the alarm on the pulse monitor (new personal best- 57bpm).
so they don't start taking pictures until they're hauling the snake back out.

anyway, nothing found.
"what are those things that look like bits of rock?" I said.
"poo-poo", says the nurse, then "faecal matter" when she realised I was older than her.

I'd be guessing, but I reckon about 45cm of this thing went up me. maybe a bit more.

Looks like you remember a lot- did you not have a twilight anaesthesia, or do they not make you forget everything as promised? Did they fill you full of carbon dioxide to inflate your pipes? I've been told that was the really painful thing, not the endoscope itself. I guess it must feel like bad wind pain (which is not unlike period cramping, so the nurses may be pretty spot-on here).

I watched one of these when I was 18 and doing a week long work experience course at the local hospital, because back then I had this mad idea that applying to medical school and being a doctor would be a good thing to do. Watched one that went up the bum and one that went through the mouth. The bum one actually looked less unpleasant. In any case I sacked off the idea of being a doctor big style.

[SteveDave]

I've often thought about doctors, specifically those that specialise in bums and wonder what their reaction was when someone suggested they should specialise in bums. Every day a new hole.

[Shit Good Nose]

To keep calm about it, I keep telling myself that it can't be anywhere near as bad as a camera down the cock.  I know a few people who have had that (for various different reasons), and every single one of them said it's uncomfortable going in, coming out they've never known pain like it.  And the anaesthetic does fuck all.

[SteveDave]

O Lord yes.

I'd rather have a dog bite it off.

I was happy (sort of) when I went for a STD check and they swabbed just inside the hole rather than the umbrella thing other people I know have had.

[Colin Sanction]

You'll be fine, it will be over in no time. Just remember, during the procedure, it's quite normal for the doctor to get an erection.

[MidnightShambler]

When I was 29 I had a bladder problem, was having about 20 pisses a night, it was fucking horrible and I didn't sleep for more than an hour a night for a year. Anyway, went to the Drs a few times over it and was given all kinds of excuses, they weren't really bothered. In the end I said 'aren't you gonna even check for prostate cancer' to which I was told I was too young and that was it.

Symptoms persisted and two weeks after my 30th, I was back. This was a month after I'd asked about prostate cancer and been fobbed off. He asked me how old I was, I told him 30 and the dirty bastard nearly tripped over his own feet in the rush to get me on the bed. Like a whore, I agreed to it. Then went home and had a Sheila Grant shower.

The whole process itself wasn't that bad though, so I wouldn't worry. I hope you're fine and full of health and it's nothing to worry about. And you don't have to have an endoscopy because that does fucking hurt.

[Dex Sawash]

I had it once about 10 years ago. Dr did all the checks for a big physical, then she bent me over the exam table, lubed up a little too liberally and did the check. She whipped her gloves off and fled the room, presumably to seek another type of employment.

[Brian Freeze]

I heard about a chap who was basically the training rectum for trainee medics for this procedure. Not sure if he was the only person doing this or just the only one I've heard about.

He's been replaced by a man made training aid now. You might call it a bionic arse I suppose.

I wonder what his retirement do was like? Or how he got on applying for jobs with a CV like that.

[im barry bethel]

there's some way- ultrasound or something- that they can see how much of it has gone in & where it's got to.

They count the Hi Vis rings painted on every 10cm, the nurses run a sweepstake to see how many you can take

I'd be guessing, but I reckon about 45cm of this thing went up me. maybe a bit more.

Nurse Jackie won with a guess of 47cm

[a duncandisorderly]

Then went home and had a Sheila Grant shower.

that made me jump- I worked on that shoot. five years I worked for reddo, 1984-89.

[SteveDave]

I passed with flying colours.

For some reason I thought he'd be up there for some time but it was literally in and out. I did worse to myself a few Saturdays ago.

I almost said "Thanks" when he said "I'm just going to use some lube on my finger"

So in conclusion, no-one knows why my balls ache.

Doctors are baffled.

[Chollis]

So in conclusion, no-one knows why my balls ache.

Have you considered having a massive wank?

[SteveDave]

Have you considered having a massive wank?

Done and done. Not that. I'll do it again just to be on the safe side though.