How to stop being "Friend Zoned"?

[chveik]

No not the profile pic, they mean the picture posted above.

I think that it was a joke

[Cloud]

I don't have the experience to really offer meaningful advice, and have found that when I have got into relationships (only online so far, if one considers that 'real') I can't wait to get out of them again.  Seemingly I'm quite happy single (because I'm a selfish twat who wants to do my own thing all the time), but it made me extremely uncomfortable and got me laying awake at nights in pure fear of being alone until coming to a mini epiphany of "it's okay be single, the pressure to get a partner is mostly societal rather than my own desires" and then felt way better.  Similarly, I had that worry of getting too old for kids (36.. I'm a guy so less of a ticking time bomb but what kid wants a geriatric dad before they're even out of their teens) but upon coming to the realisation that our population growth is unsustainable and the best thing one can do for the future of the species is not have kids (as long as not everyone does that, obviously) I came to peace with that too.  A kid would have been lovely, but I'm at peace with the likelihood of never having one.

I think New Jack (Edit: and Buelligan, good stuff there too) had the best words to offer here.

On general observation over the years:

* It seems to be mostly personality and confidence that attract people, so don't worry too much about looks.  There is a physical attraction element and it can be important but I don't think it's the primary factor in the slightest.  Of course, if you're not having much luck it's hard to have the confidence, but it seems you have to love yourself as well as others and sort of share that so that they also feel the same love.

* I've observed (not like scientific data or anything, just IMO) that those who end up couples are eyeing each other up in a very "potential dating interest" kind of way from day 1.  They make a move fairly quickly, especially if say it's a new starter at work where they want to get in before everyone else, and their intentions are pretty clear to everyone else never mind each other.  When someone really takes it easy and makes friends first, they seem to stay friends.

* When friends become important to each other, they're less inclined to want to jeopardise that friendship by asking them out, or agreeing if they're on the receiving end.  Friendships > Relationships and often longer lasting, so you can get too close to someone.  Better to take the risk early.

* If  you're a bisexual or gay man with any bisexual, gay or bicurious friends, you'll have no shortage of benefits if you let it be known that you're open to them.  I realise that doesn't help the slightest in this case and is more about being a promiscuous individual expressing love for friends who are capable of 'listening' in that way than anything about relationships, just an observation while I'm making them, and I've no idea if it applies to women or if there are gender traits involved.

* People often find partners when they're not looking

[Chairman Bodog]

Not being a dick or any phung but do you reckon jolly manwomen need an extra gender icon?

I've already been bitten once.

[Cloud]

Well at least that's a slightly less offensive term for transpeople after the edit, but I imagine some would rather have a binary to choose from if they're trying to present as one or the other, and some will appreciate the option to leave it blank if they prefer a nonbinary approach.  People being different and all that.

[Darles Chickens]

I think that it was a joke

Put me out of everyone's misery if my jokes get that bad.  (Nah I was just being an eejit)

[Golden E. Pump]

Well New Jack and Buelligan have pretty much nailed it, so, errr...

...show him your tits?

[Twit 2]

Marry a wooden man. Bit of varnish every autumn, and make sure he doesn't come back
from the pub too late.

[Jockice]

I've been friend zoned so many times over the years....sometimes even by women who have fancied me but don't want to go out with me because of the way I look. It is irritating but I can't really offer much advice, except to wish you good luck. I wouldn't try too hard to find someone though. Or at least to make it so obvious that you're looking. Desperation can be a real turn-off. Of course with you being female and wanting kids it's a different situation from mine but I waited (or gave up?) and then through a few strange circumstances met someone I'd really fancied in the past (my first teenage crush no less) and we hit it off.  It's weird but things sometimes happen when you least expect it. So good luck again.

[Buelligan]

It's weird but things sometimes happen when you least expect it.

That's got me worried now, I'm going to make myself a calendar and start crossing off the days, just to be on the safe side.

[Jockice]

That's got me worried now, I'm going to make myself a calendar and start crossing off the days, just to be on the safe side.

Yes, but don't forget sometimes things don't happen when you least expect it too.