Beat The Internet

[Utter Shit]

John Robins is to host a new game show for Dave.

In Beat The Internet, the Edinburgh Comedy Award winner will pit contestants against each other to predict how search engines respond to a series of questions.

Twenty half-hour episodes have been commissioned from production house Vice Studios.

Robins – who co-hosts the cult Radio X show with Elis James –  said: 'For many years now I've been suspicious that the "internet" is getting too big for its boots.

'Its war against our high streets, laws and HMRC goes completely unchecked, and that's not to mention the unknowable impact on future generations of the constant stream of top-shelf material it provides, whose sheer volume and variety never ceases to astonish and horrify.

'I say it's time to fight back, to reclaim our streets, to enforce our laws, recoup our taxes, and place pornography back on actual shelves in the real world, where it can be controlled, policed, and placed under a copy of The Times before handing to a sympathetic newsagent. Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to Beat The Internet.'

The series was commissioned for UKTV by Iain Coyle, who said: 'I'm really excited about this. Is it: a) a new genre for the channel, b) a highly addictive, play-along game or c) a chance to work with one of the most exciting new comedy talents to emerge in the last few years? Answer: It's all three.'

New quiz show on Dave that starts tonight. The format sounds rubbish, but it has two major things going for it: John Robins is a massively funny bastard, and Dave has a decent track record of making new comedies. Anyone likely to be watching? If they give Robins free reign to do his schtick like they did with Horne/Davies on Taskmaster, this could be really good.

[SteveDave]

The version of this they did on the Saturday afternoon Radio X show was awful. It does not bode well.

[PlanktonSideburns]

This sounds like total dog aids. Harking back to the good old days of grot mags in your local butchers, I ask you

[Chollis]

genuinely cannot think of a single thing in the world that could be worse than this

[Cold Meat Platter]

Everyone involved in this should jump into a big hole.

[New Jack]

It will have my respect if one of the search terms they do is for online opinion of this very show and search engines dredge up folk saying its shit

I mean, it'll still be shit, and I probably won't respect shit for being shit, but yknow. It's a thing you say

[Utter Shit]

This show is technically redundant anyway, as my dad is convinced he has already defeated the internet.

He asked me to find a song called "Talk To Me Of Pasadena" by a mother and daughter called the McGonigles. As a 69-year old Irishman who was brought up on a farm in Kerry, he has always been deeply suspicious of the internet - so he was absolutely chuffed with himself that the vaunted Google service didn't find his song, "not so clever now, is it" was his (paraphrased) reaction.

It has since become clear that the song is called "Talk To Me Of Mendocino", they were the McGarrigles, and they were sisters rather than mother and daughter, so it would have been more or less impossible to find the song he wanted because he didn't have even a single element of the details correct. But he still considers it a victory.

[Better Midlands]

This show is technically redundant anyway, as my dad is convinced he has already defeated the internet.

He asked me to find a song called "Talk To Me Of Pasadena" by the McGonigle sisters. As a 69-year old Irishman who was brought up on a farm in Kerry, he has always been deeply suspicious of the internet - so he was absolutely chuffed with himself that the vaunted Google service didn't find his song, "not so clever now, is it" was his (paraphrased) reaction.

It has since become clear that the song is called "Talk To Me Of Mendocino", they were the McGarrigles, and they were mother and daughter rather than sisters, so it would have been more or less impossible to find the song he wanted because he didn't have even a single element of the details correct. But he still considers it a victory.

My dad had some of their LPs, this one jumped to mind. I'd totally forgotten about them until just now.

[Utter Shit]

Haha great stuff.

The above story is completely true by the way, it was an ongoing concern for about three years if not more. Basically any time I was on the computer over that period (at the time he had a real issue with the way they were taking over the world, he said I was "governed by it" which was completely true to be fair) he would challenge me to find all sorts of forgotten things, for no reason other than to show that it was fallible.

Of course, being Google, it found more or less everything he ever mentioned in an instant, but that request stumped it for ages. I don't even know how I eventually found my way to the song he was referring to - I think he might have brought it up in the pub when i was there, and one of his mates corrected him.

[olliebean]

Google must have got smarter since then; the first match for "Talk To Me Of Pasadena McGonigle sisters" is a YouTube video of the precise song he wanted.

[Utter Shit]

This would have been a few years back now - maybe 2012ish it started. I wish he'd waited, it would have saved me a ton of hassle, and this TV show would be more relevant.

[Icehaven]

This show is technically redundant anyway, as my dad is convinced he has already defeated the internet.

He asked me to find a song called "Talk To Me Of Pasadena" by a mother and daughter called the McGonigles. As a 69-year old Irishman who was brought up on a farm in Kerry, he has always been deeply suspicious of the internet - so he was absolutely chuffed with himself that the vaunted Google service didn't find his song, "not so clever now, is it" was his (paraphrased) reaction.

It has since become clear that the song is called "Talk To Me Of Mendocino", they were the McGarrigles, and they were sisters rather than mother and daughter, so it would have been more or less impossible to find the song he wanted because he didn't have even a single element of the details correct. But he still considers it a victory.

A few years ago two blokes at work came marching up to me and demanded I use the internet to settle a bet between them that Leonardo Di Caprio plays one of the low-level dealers who gets shot in that scene with John Travolta and Samuel L Jackson in Pulp Fiction, with the older of the two (who was about 60) was claiming it was, the younger (early 30s) that it wasn't. Obviously IMDB quickly revealed that it wasn't him, which apparently wasn't good enough, so I checked a few other sites which also made it clear the older guy was wrong. "Internet's wrong then.'' he said. So we got the scene up on youtube, and he still maintained, even when the guy was right there in front of us very obviously being not Leonardo Di Caprio, that ''That's him! Look! That's Leonardo Di Caprio!'' And off he marched, in the right, vindicated, internet's wrong.

[Utter Shit]

Ahahaha love it.

I think there's an element of that in all this Brexit bollocks - the objective rights and wrongs aren't as important as the average person's stubborn refusal to be wrong. Bad enough when it's about some minor character in Pulp Fiction - but when it's politics, which goes right to the core of who you are, it's presumably incredibly difficult to accept that your fundamental belief system has not only been challenged but summarily dismissed.

Luckily I've never had to face this issue as I have always been on the right side of history politics-wise, bar some very questionable views on Triumph of the Will.

[notjosh]

The above story is completely true by the way, it was an ongoing concern for about three years if not more. Basically any time I was on the computer over that period (at the time he had a real issue with the way they were taking over the world, he said I was "governed by it" which was completely true to be fair) he would challenge me to find all sorts of forgotten things, for no reason other than to show that it was fallible.

Alright, if the internet's so clever, then how come it doesn't have the lyrics to 'Toothbrush' by Roots Manuva? I've checked everywhere.

[Icehaven]

Ahahaha love it.

I think there's an element of that in all this Brexit bollocks - the objective rights and wrongs aren't as important as the average person's stubborn refusal to be wrong. Bad enough when it's about some minor character in Pulp Fiction - but when it's politics, which goes right to the core of who you are, it's presumably incredibly difficult to accept that your fundamental belief system has not only been challenged but summarily dismissed.

Yeah this is true. There's the same defensiveness in Brexiters and Trump supporters, digging their heels in all foldy armed in an attempt to save face as it all comes crashing down.

[New Jack]

Tags: the cheat code is "safespace"

[Salty_fries]

Was sent a copy of this a few weeks ago and struggled to get though the first minute. Imagine KNKYWAP but with unfunny members of the public and hosted by an 'ironic' wannabe Partridge who keeps looking down the camera to say "I'm dead inside" and other such 'knowing' meta bullshit. After doing a pretty good Edinburgh show on depression and recovery, I'm disappointed to see Robins continue to monetise these sensitive topics for a low-concept Dave gameshow, and begin to wonder if they were just part of some cynical career plan. And I'm a fan!
(Do tell me if it's revealed to become hilarious after breaking the 10 minute mark, though. I really hope I've got this wrong.)

[Sin Agog]

Luckily I've never had to face this issue as I have always been on the right side of history politics-wise, bar some very questionable views on Triumph of the Will.

I keep on telling you, that's Hermann Göring on Hitler's right-hand side at that rally, not Leonardo Di Caprio in a fat suit.  Leo wasn't even alive back then, you brazen bell-end!

[olliebean]

Only lasted 7 minutes into this, and that was at 1.4x speed, before losing the will to live (or to keep watching, at any rate). I wasn't really paying attention for the last few minutes.

Is low-rent-Romesh completely superfluous, or do they find something for him to do later on? I guess we'll never know, as I can't imagine anyone managing to watch it for long enough to find out.

[Utter Shit]

It's like they are taking the piss out of game shows, it seems deliberately designed to be cheesy, cheap and...shit basically. But it wants to be a proper game show as well. It just doesn't work at all. Complete waste of what makes Robins so good.

[olliebean]

Yes, it had the feel (but not the laughs) of a game show sketch, like Numberwang or something, rather than an actual gameshow.

[Utter Shit]

Haha yeah that was my exact reaction. If it committed to being a piss take more it would be better, but it comes across just as a game show that everyone involved has realised is shit and wants to distance themselves from. I'm honestly gutted cos Robins has earned a go at the (relative) big time and this is not making the best of him at all.

[Wayman C. McCreery]

This would be fine as a cult Channel 5 daytime gameshow. But it doesn't really cut it during primetime on Dave.

I'm a Robins apologist (the podcasts/radio shows with Elis James are as good as Adam and Joe's used to be, and his standup shows are consistently excellent), but I'm not sure this is the best use of his talents.

[PlanktonSideburns]

Flatshare slam down?  No youre all right mate.
Do the right thing? Nah fuck that mate. Defo gut it a bit tho, some good ideas we could load into the rubbery gammon that falls out of the playdough machine that we make all our comedians with

What's that? Half-baked conservative anti Internet gameshow with barely a track record and no following? YES MATE RUB IT ALLOVER ME GET IN MY POURS MATE AAARG

[JesusAndYourBush]

I've never heard of John Robins so I don't know what he's like in other things, but in this he was poor.  It was unfunny and looked like a failed pilot that'd never get commissioned on account of it being unfunny and badly made. Romesh has let himself go (ho ho) and only seemed to be there to fulfil the current trend of having two hosts on a quiz show.  They could at least have given him something to do.

In the round where they had to guess the "search term" (the word that connects a series of 5 pictures), when they revealed the last 2 pictures on one round and said that the connecting term was "blow" it made me think "safesearch must have been turned off then!", and that joke's funnier than the entire series.

[PlanktonSideburns]

John bobbins more like

[Utter Shit]

I'm a Robins apologist (the podcasts/radio shows with Elis James are as good as Adam and Joe's used to be, and his standup shows are consistently excellent), but I'm not sure this is the best use of his talents.

Always good to see another apologist!

Judging by the most recent radio show, Robins seems all too aware that it's shit. Elis asked him if he's rich now that he's got his own TV show..."no - as many people have pointed out, the show had an extremely limited budget".

[nedthemumbler]

I really enjoy his podcast with Elis, but I wouldn't go as far as saying it is as good as Adam and Joe as someone did above.  Some of it is really lazy, like ripping off Judge John Hodgman or the light news bit.  At its best, when they get personal and delve into mental health and their cultural passions it can be great, but perhaps because of the nature of being on a commercial station with time to fill it is sometimes bland.  A and J was sublime silliness with unbeatable chemistry.  Not potato potato.

From the trailers I don't think I want to watch this, if he's just doing Partridge like so often, but the joke with Coogan was the complete lack of awareness about why he was funny.  Not entirely sure why he agreed to this, must have been other offers of TV after his Edinburgh win.  He is a very talented and funny man, it just doesn't feel like this is making the most of that.  Happy to be proven wrong however.

[Endicott]

It has since become clear that the song is called "Talk To Me Of Mendocino", they were the McGarrigles, and they were sisters rather than mother and daughter, so it would have been more or less impossible to find the song he wanted because he didn't have even a single element of the details correct. But he still considers it a victory.

Kate was mother to Martha and Rufus Wainwright, of course.

[Utter Shit]

I love the radio show but the only good that has come of Potato Potato is James Acaster's seemingly genuine disbelief that they consider it an acceptable thing to do on national radio whenever he appears as a guest.

Kate was mother to Martha and Rufus Wainwright, of course.

Blimey, didn't know that. Bet Google did.