Author Topic: The Contest 2018  (Read 2514 times)

momatt

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The Contest 2018
« on: November 20, 2018, 09:56:46 AM »
We haven't done one of these in ages!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Contest

Is anyone else game, or shall I just do it on my own?  By that I mean not doing that on my own.

Aaaaaarrrggh, I'm out.

Lemming

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2018, 10:00:54 AM »
I'm in, and I think I won the last one, or at least, nobody else replied after a certain point. Here's the thread: https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,61025.0.html

Can't remember when the last time I SHOT CUM ALL OVER MYSELF was but it was a few weeks ago at least, so that's a head-start right there.

Also, we should have a not-wanking partner system this time. If your partner fails, you also fail, just to add some real tension and the potential for lifelong animosity between CaBbers.

mothman

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2018, 10:11:18 AM »
This doesn’t look good for Corbyn.

Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2018, 10:14:49 AM »
I’m out

Alberon

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2018, 10:19:37 AM »
I'm in, and I think I won the last one, or at least, nobody else replied after a certain point. Here's the thread: https://www.cookdandbombd.co.uk/forums/index.php/topic,61025.0.html

Can't remember when the last time I SHOT CUM ALL OVER MYSELF was but it was a few weeks ago at least, so that's a head-start right there.

Also, we should have a not-wanking partner system this time. If your partner fails, you also fail, just to add some real tension and the potential for lifelong animosity between CaBbers.

Mutual Non-Masturbation (one of the less popular pornhub categories).

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2018, 10:21:14 AM »
Which raises the question, can The Contest be a possible exception to Rule 34?

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2018, 10:32:27 AM »
Are you still allowed to do sex on a lady?
Or a man?

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2018, 10:34:14 AM »
Yeah, that's allowed. You can play with all the genitals you want, SO LONG AS THEY ARE NOT YOUR OWN.

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2018, 10:36:01 AM »
What about melons with holes in them?

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2018, 10:36:56 AM »
Grey area, but let's forbid it just for this challenge.

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #10 on: November 20, 2018, 10:37:48 AM »
Yeah, that's allowed. You can play with all the genitals you want, SO LONG AS THEY ARE NOT YOUR OWN.

But if you play with somebody else's genitals in the reasonable expectation that they will play with yours in return, could that not be said to be secondary masturbation?

New Jack

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #11 on: November 20, 2018, 10:39:15 AM »
If you wank off old men, but don't do it yourself as you're disgusted with the very idea of sex, does that count?

Asking for an high court judge I know 

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #12 on: November 20, 2018, 10:42:39 AM »
ALRIGHT FINE

Let's draft our CaB Challenge 2018 Official Statement:

Participants may not stimulate their own genitals. Participants may not use melons, mangoes, or anything weird like pumpkins (or any other fruit or vegetable) as crude masturbation devices. Other consenting humans may touch your genitals, and this will not disqualify you from the challenge. Coaxing animals to stimulate your genitals will not count as a failure either, but the rest of us will fulfil our moral duty to report you to the police and RSPCA.

Amendment one: Any masturbation technique that results in the destruction of a participant's genitals - sex with boiling Greggs pasty, sword-dildo, etc - is allowed, as long as pictures and detailed accounts are provided.

Amendment two: Wanking off old men is allowed, as this is performing masturbation on somebody else, not yourself. Your reasons for doing this need not be shared with the thread. In fact, if you end up wanking off a group of old men, you don't have to write about it on here at all.

mothman

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #13 on: November 20, 2018, 11:02:07 AM »
I still maintain that an exchange of mutual masturbation is violating the spirit if not the letter of the rules.

Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #14 on: November 20, 2018, 11:02:52 AM »
so are we allowed to wank off our non-wanking partners?

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #15 on: November 20, 2018, 11:04:08 AM »
...yes, technically, but that is an extreme violation of the spirit of the challenge.

New Jack

  • Biggy laughed at my family deaths; won't say sorry
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #16 on: November 20, 2018, 11:04:42 AM »
What if a bizarre kind of wank-rapist jumps out at me in an alley, siezes my chap and flogs it til I reach a terrified, messy spatter?

... I'm out

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #17 on: November 20, 2018, 11:06:16 AM »
THEN NOT ONLY WOULD THAT BE A PHYSICAL ASSAULT, NOT A SEX ACT, BUT IT WOULDN'T BE WANKING BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE STIMULATED YOUR GENITALS. WHY DO NONE OF YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT WANKING IS

If he forced you to wank at knife-point, though, we could discuss that as a group and decide whether or not you are disqualified.

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #18 on: November 20, 2018, 11:15:40 AM »
Hmmm, ok I think I get it now.

What about sex-robots?

Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #19 on: November 20, 2018, 11:20:49 AM »
...yes, technically, but that is an extreme violation of the spirit of the challenge.

Count me in then - I will need to choose my partner very carefully though.

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #20 on: November 20, 2018, 11:21:22 AM »
Hmmm, ok I think I get it now.

What about sex-robots?

Not allowed. Robots are not alive. Data, Kryten, Marvin, Optimus Prime, Tom Servo, Johnny 5 - all bullshit, simply fiction. Real robots are just a fancy version of fucking a melon, and not allowed.

Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #21 on: November 20, 2018, 11:25:52 AM »
Damnit, I had just got to second base with Wall-E.

machotrouts

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #22 on: November 20, 2018, 11:34:34 AM »
so are we allowed to wank off our non-wanking partners?

It's VERY rude of you to expose this thread as a flimsy excuse for us all to wank each other off. So come on then who's my partner

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #23 on: November 20, 2018, 11:37:26 AM »
Ah, but what about a Replicant.  All sort of philosophical questions surrounding that one.
Are they alive?  They think, they love, they worry about death, they...

...don't exist.

Oh ok never mind.

Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #24 on: November 20, 2018, 11:40:05 AM »
What about if I invent a time machine and go forward in time to engage in mutual masturbation with myself?

Delete Delete Delete

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #25 on: November 20, 2018, 11:40:27 AM »
Johnny 5 seductivly cooing input, input input.

thenoise

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #26 on: November 20, 2018, 11:53:51 AM »
I'm in. Has it started already, or should I abuse myself red raw until I am assigned a partner?

:(

Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #27 on: November 20, 2018, 11:54:29 AM »
shittest thing ever. out.

kittens

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #28 on: November 20, 2018, 12:12:49 PM »
this is dumb. instead of masturbating i will just have my partner masturbate me whenever i would have done so, and i would be awarded the same victory as someone who hasn't jizzed in a month? i'm jizzing twice daily and this bloke's never jizzing and it's 'congratulations you two, you have achieved the same thing'. this is a stupid system and requires retooling ASAP if you want to be taken seriously.

Dex Sawash

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #29 on: November 20, 2018, 12:20:30 PM »
comtest surely