Author Topic: The Contest 2018  (Read 2507 times)

Ambient Sheep

  • Fucking useless twat
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #30 on: November 20, 2018, 12:24:47 PM »
[tag]Prostate cancer creation thread[/tag]

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #31 on: November 20, 2018, 01:30:13 PM »
What about if I invent a time machine and go forward in time to engage in mutual masturbation with myself?
That would be jolly clever, but it's still an over-complicated wank.
Soz.

this is dumb. instead of masturbating i will just have my partner masturbate me whenever i would have done so, and i would be awarded the same victory as someone who hasn't jizzed in a month?
I didn't think there's enough people on this board with partners for that to be an issue.
Oh, love pillows don't count either mate.  So think on.

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #32 on: November 20, 2018, 01:35:23 PM »

imitationleather

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #33 on: November 20, 2018, 02:10:37 PM »
this is dumb. instead of masturbating i will just have my partner masturbate me whenever i would have done so, and i would be awarded the same victory as someone who hasn't jizzed in a month? i'm jizzing twice daily and this bloke's never jizzing and it's 'congratulations you two, you have achieved the same thing'. this is a stupid system and requires retooling ASAP if you want to be taken seriously.

I'm not taking part because masturbation is the only good thing I have left (and I'm unsure of the withdrawal effects from going cold turkey after twenty years of several times a day - the internet isn't helping with this query), but what that guy said sums up my thoughts on this whole sorry charade.

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #34 on: November 20, 2018, 02:32:01 PM »
this is dumb. instead of masturbating i will just have my partner masturbate me whenever i would have done so, and i would be awarded the same victory as someone who hasn't jizzed in a month? i'm jizzing twice daily and this bloke's never jizzing and it's 'congratulations you two, you have achieved the same thing'. this is a stupid system and requires retooling ASAP if you want to be taken seriously.

Trying to convince someone to masturbate you twice a day every day without the relationship crumbling to dust is a challenge equal to just not touching your own penis.

Blue Jam

  • 'fairly common knowledge in Devon'
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #35 on: November 20, 2018, 05:07:19 PM »
As this was called "The Contest" rather than "THE CHALLEMGE" I had assumed it was about the Tory leadership contest.

Theresa May will outlast all of us.

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #36 on: November 20, 2018, 08:36:20 PM »
Theresa May will outlast all of us.

Nah, she wanks 6 times a day.

thenoise

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #37 on: November 20, 2018, 10:40:55 PM »
Imagine if Mr May decided to join in challemge 2018. Sorry I was late to the EU Brexit humiliation my husband demanded I jack him off for the third time this morning so he can impress some unemployed people on the internet.

Am I allowed to wank then? I'm watching porn right now, luckily its 'The devil Inside Her' which is one of the least erotic things I have ever seen.

Queneau

  • That was a joke. That's all it was, it was a joke.
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #38 on: November 20, 2018, 10:45:13 PM »
Just thought of all your mums, so I'm out.

Seriously, has this started? Because I might take part and then post how I am feeling every single hour - when I'd otherwise have been wanking. What will make this extra hard is that I haven't had sexual intercourse with another human since moving here - so over two months now, lads!

New Jack

  • Biggy laughed at my family deaths; won't say sorry
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #39 on: November 20, 2018, 10:54:45 PM »
What if you lost your chap in some macabre boating happenstance plus your balls too and thus nowadays, habitually wear a strapon if only to preserve the fit of your favourite cream slacks, and you simply haven't shook the ol' pocket hockey habit off yet, so you caress your smooth plastic member, and psychologically enjoy the routine out of sheer denial, even if your sexual organs don't exist and all you're doing is giving your hands friction burns as you tug on the big rubber shaft, as your actual length lies at the bottom of the sea thanks to the aforementioned maritime mishap?

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #40 on: November 20, 2018, 10:58:02 PM »
^ Instantly disqualified. Phantom limb wanking. You are also banned from diving down to the ocean floor to retrieve your knob, as it would involve touching it, but you can ask your partner to get it for you.

Getting the feeling nobody in this thread is a worthy partner. Any of you would have us out on day one. I'd be better off partnering with my friend's dog who humps the sofa about 50 times a day.

New Jack

  • Biggy laughed at my family deaths; won't say sorry
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #41 on: November 20, 2018, 11:02:34 PM »
Thanks to universal credit family deaths and depression I did manage something like eight months a year ish ago! I still don't watch porn. I am way, way past the point where I can enjoy strangers doing whatever blah blah I don't give a fuck, it's fake, it isn't what I need

Dunno if I'll be as good this time round. I've started a new job and not to be all toxic masculinity but my new best work friend is this younger woman who comes to work in yoga pants and put her head on my shoulder today for comfort as I'm seemingly the only one she talks to. Avoiding real life connection is SO much harder than avoiding grotty Internet filth. Note to self, repel women.

I've just got off the bus home, so I'm not out right now, or anything, but each bus journey may be riskier than the last.*


*i can wank other places, I just choose not to
« Last Edit: November 20, 2018, 11:16:12 PM by New Jack »

thenoise

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #42 on: November 20, 2018, 11:21:45 PM »
Did you enjoy porn before your 8 month hiatus?

How about we do 30 days ending on Christmas i.e. we start on 25TH NOVEMBER and end with a big wank Christmas morning (or - more likely - spend Christmas Day desperately trying to get away from family and loved ones in order to have a big wank i.e. a normal Christmas).  This gives us all a few days to build up to it or decide on our techniques etc.  GooD LUCK EVERYONE you filthy beasts.

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #43 on: November 20, 2018, 11:29:32 PM »
I'm down for that, but the stress of planning a big Christmas wank will ruin me.

New Jack

  • Biggy laughed at my family deaths; won't say sorry
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #44 on: November 20, 2018, 11:31:39 PM »
Christ, I'm doing a dry December as it is, if it wasn't for hard drugs I could go straight edge!

Yes, I used to enjoy porn, maybe less than most blokes but I don't have those stats to hand. It wasn't set as my desktop wallpaper or owt. Basically I think I need a real life interaction to thaw me first.

Fuck it, sign me up. I like the 25th November idea actually cause this coming weekend is perhaps my last depraved drink and drugs one, which are high risks for such a contest! Ahh, a Christmas day sesh, dark Web drugs, copious alcohol and yes, self abuse.

Just hope I can stop myself imagining all these highly erotic What Ifs.

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #45 on: November 22, 2018, 02:58:36 PM »
I'm still in!

Am I the only one left?

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #46 on: November 22, 2018, 05:55:30 PM »
Also still in, but I think we're starting officially on the 25th.

Dex Sawash

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #47 on: November 22, 2018, 10:56:38 PM »
I fucked a turkey today. Out?

The Lurker

  • Your whole life has led up to you reading this
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #48 on: November 22, 2018, 11:39:56 PM »

Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #49 on: November 23, 2018, 12:13:17 AM »
Madness - I can count the times I've missed a day on one hand...

But seriously, I doubt I've ever gone without for more than 2 or 3 days in my life. I'd be in prison or dead now if I hadn't.

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #50 on: November 23, 2018, 10:05:59 AM »
Also still in, but I think we're starting officially on the 25th.

Says who?  It's my game and my rules and I'll fucking kill anyone who says otherwise, GRRRR I'M SO FUCKING ANGFRY WHO WANTS A FIGHT GAHHHHHHHH!!!$&£**W"£

New Jack

  • Biggy laughed at my family deaths; won't say sorry
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #51 on: November 23, 2018, 10:34:37 AM »
Tags: I wanked myself today / To see if I still feel

thenoise

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #52 on: November 23, 2018, 12:40:21 PM »
Madness - I can count the times I've missed a day on one hand...

But seriously, I doubt I've ever gone without for more than 2 or 3 days in my life. I'd be in prison or dead now if I hadn't.

You'd be a superman!

thenoise

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #53 on: November 23, 2018, 12:59:58 PM »
Disappointing session last night, just left me feeling sluggish and depressed. Looking forward to taking a break really.

momatt

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #54 on: November 23, 2018, 01:55:39 PM »
Disappointing session last night, just left me feeling sluggish and depressed. Looking forward to taking a break really.

More details about his pleez, cheers.

Lemming

  • CHANE WASSANASONG IS YOUR BOYFRIEND
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #55 on: November 24, 2018, 04:29:55 AM »
Says who?  It's my game and my rules and I'll fucking kill anyone who says otherwise, GRRRR I'M SO FUCKING ANGFRY WHO WANTS A FIGHT GAHHHHHHHH!!!$&£**W"£

GOD it's like living in Nazi Germany. Fine, Your Lordship, when do we start?

On that note, let's put together our Contest 2018 playlist!

Some suggestions:
Tubthumping by Chumbawamba (the getting "knocked down" but "getting up again" refers to our knobs/clits, in a constant state of erect-unerect flux)

Don't Give Up by Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush (because we won't give up)

Push It To The Limit from Scarface soundtrack (because we're pushing our engorged prostates to the limit. i dunno what the female equivalent is, work something out)

Just Can't Get Enough by Depeche Mode (because we just won't be able to get enough of the UNBELIEVABLE POWER of The Contest)

I Wanna Be Sedated by Ramones (because most of you chronic wankers will feel that way for the first few days)

Everlong by Foo Fighters (because our dicks will be ever-long during the tougher parts of the contest)

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #56 on: November 24, 2018, 09:27:30 AM »
Crikey, this starts tomorrow? Better crank one out now then.

mothman

  • I don't know why
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #57 on: November 24, 2018, 09:28:09 AM »
Right! Ready for the challenge ahead. On your marks... get set... don’t!

kittens

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Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #58 on: November 24, 2018, 09:43:42 AM »
this is going to be so easy.

New Jack

  • Biggy laughed at my family deaths; won't say sorry
Re: The Contest 2018
« Reply #59 on: November 24, 2018, 10:10:30 AM »
this is going to be so easy.

Indeed. It's what not you do!

Are we allowed to post highly erotic drawings we've done ourselves to get others riled up? I'm dead good at drawing fat old men boning the shit out of eachother and it could be somebody's fetish