Fuck Airbnb

[Sebastian Cobb]

I usually wank in hotels¹, but an AirBnb seems a bit more homely.

¹I once got put in the disabled room in a Travelodge and managed to slide my laptop into the disabled alarm button by the bed sliding it around trying to get a wifi signal. A new low.

[Johnny Yesno]

Air Bash 'n' Bishop.

Sounds okay, but I reckon Fuck Airbnb would be more my thing.

[Replies From View]

You can fuck air without spending money on a Fuck AirBnB though.  Just like you don't need to buy a Bill and Ted branded air guitar.  (AirBnT)

[New Jack]

HoleAway

I wish, friends. I wish.

[Replies From View]

Ah yes, the rival corporations.  Let us not forget them!


Glory-Hole Bed and Breakfasts, operating in Widcombe since August 1834

Haha-This-Away, Haha-That-Away Wizbit-Themed Sleeping Arrangements and Penis-Tossing, Frome's answer to Crazy Golf in the Mendips plus Bed

[Sebastian Cobb]

Bed and Breakfasts are the only places I've been where the toilets have had some sort of blender/mulcher attached to the back of the u-bend. Always really fucking noisy too and ensure you wake your neighbours when having a nighttime widdle.

[Replies From View]

Bed and Breakfasts are the only places I've been where the toilets have had some sort of blender/mulcher attached to the back of the u-bend. Always really fucking noisy too and ensure you wake your neighbours when having a nighttime widdle.

GOTTA MULCH A WIDDLE, Pokemon-themed bed and breakfast chain in South Norwich

[Lordofthefiles]

I'd be too scared of hidden webcams to manage a stork-on*.

*unless I'm getting a cut of the profits

[Bobtoo]

I've only used it once, to go to a car show in September. I had visions of bagging an entire house for £9 but ended up in a traditional farmhouse B&B for £41. It was very nice and I'll almost certainly book the same place if I go to the show next year.

I couldn't help noticing the pricing on the site was a bit Ryanair, what came up on the list was different from what you paid, which meant that there weren't that many bargains to be had. One cheeky cunt was advertising a patch of grass that you could put your tent on, in the middle of a housing estate.

[Icehaven]

I tried to use it once when I just needed a crash pad for after a night out but as I was alone the only places that were affordable were rooms in occupied flats, and as someone else said above it'd be really shit coming back pissed and them being there.

I guess it's different strokes fer different folks and all that but the scenario someone described above where they ate with the hosts and basically felt like they were their houseguests is the absolute opposite of what I'd want, I hate being a guest. It's like on Four In A Bed where some of them complain that the hosts aren't around much and it's not personal enough and others say the hosts are too present and you're uncomfortably conscious that you're staying in someone's house. I'm very much in the latter category.

[Sebastian Cobb]

I've only used it once, to go to a car show in September. I had visions of bagging an entire house for £9 but ended up in a traditional farmhouse B&B for £41. It was very nice and I'll almost certainly book the same place if I go to the show next year.

I couldn't help noticing the pricing on the site was a bit Ryanair, what came up on the list was different from what you paid, which meant that there weren't that many bargains to be had. One cheeky cunt was advertising a patch of grass that you could put your tent on, in the middle of a housing estate.

I've seen that at Edinburgh.

If you've got no shame and are planning on booking a bnb it might be worth phoning direct and cutting out the broker, same for laterooms etc.

[New Jack]

Air Blowjobs and Bumming

[mothman]

So how cheap can this service be? I've just booked a hotel overnight for my Christmas party, £49. Should I have booked AirBnB instead? If they even do it in Cheltenham...

[Paul Calf]

There's a set of visualisations showing AirBnB's explosive growth in a number of cities:

https://dwarshuis.com/various/airbnb/

[Johnny Yesno]

I have one Airbnb next door to me on one side and another is being set up by the same person on the other side. I'm lucky as I live up top and the Friday and Saturday night whooping and karaoke sessions from the existing Airbnb don't affect me as much as my neighbours. I am a bit concerned about what will happen when the other one is finished, however.

[Blue Jam]

Only last night me and Mr Jam got home and were about to unlock the front door when a woman came running across the road and asked "Hello, I've booked an Airbnb here and can't access the flat, can you help me?" Er... nope. We told her we were residents and had nothing to do with Airbnb, but this sailed right over her head as she continued "I'm renting it from Fiona? You know Fiona? How do I get in touch with her?" We explained that we didn't know any Fionas (and there was a good chance that "Fiona" wasn't actually a neighbour and had bought the flat as an Airbnb let and had never even set foot in Edinburgh). The woman was still talking at us as we closed the door...

That sums up what I hate most about Airbnb- the way guests have scant regard for residents but still expect every neighbour to serve them as an unpaid concierge. I live in a block of twelve flats in which (judging by the number of key boxes by the front door) at least five are Airbnb lets. Often I'll say "Hello" or "Morning" to someone on the stairs and while they used to say it back, I now find more people either ignoring me or looking freaked out or offended- and then I'll spot the wheelie case... the worst time was when I said hello to a woman who was talking to her daughter, and who reacted by putting a protective arm around her and drawing back, as she continued to talk but in a more frosty tone of voice, as if to say "Darling, just ignore the weirdo and we'll be safe". I really resented being treated like a dangerous intruder in my own home, ironically when I consider a lot of these Airbnb guests as unwelcome visitors. I get the impression all these guests see me as a member of hotel staff who doesn't know their place or their duty to just scuttle off so they can enjoy their holiday.

Here we've also had a big problem with people leaving the front door open, often wedging it open with cardboard. When I put a sign up asking people to please keep it closed as we're in a burglary hotspot and get a lot of scammers visiting, it got taken down only hours later (possibly by a host who didn't want to give their guests a bad impression). Again, it's like guests feel residents' desire to avoid being burgled is just a massive inconvenience to them.

It sounds like a small thing but the diminished sense of community and the less-than-neighbourly behaviour really does get me down and makes me feel a bit unsafe. I want to buy a place eventually and I'll be looking out for those key boxes before I do- I'm in Edinburgh and keep hearing that "one Airbnb for every 54 residents" statistic and they're getting harder to avoid. People can make a small fortune letting them in August alone so I can't see this problem disappearing overnight. Also it seems more landlords are offering 11-month lets and chucking their tenants out and the end of July- that's always been an issue here but it seems to be getting worse and it's something I was very anxious about last time I moved and was checking the terms of tenancy agreements.

[Blue Jam]

Used Airbnb twice before that. The first, in Porto, my room got robbed on the last day while I was out getting breakfast. There were no signs of a break in, I believe they had a key.

I'm sure you've worked this out already, but the chances are a previous guest made copies of the keys and then let themselves in and helped themselves to your stuff. That's a common problem and one reason why I have vowed to never rent an Airbnb.

Bed and Breakfasts are the only places I've been where the toilets have had some sort of blender/mulcher attached to the back of the u-bend. Always really fucking noisy too and ensure you wake your neighbours when having a nighttime widdle.

The flat underneath mine is an Airbnb and seems to have one of these. It's very loud and also makes the floor vibrate, several times a night. It took me a while to figure out what it was... is this a sign that the owner can't be arsed with proper maintenance and rarely pops in to clean the bathroom, then?

[imitationleather]

I've had a wank in every AirBnb I've been in!

The unfamiliarity and fact it's owned by someone else gave it a frisson of excitement. Also the foreigns were well fit, and one must pay tribute when you travel. My flag is always full mast for the ladies of where I roam: Barcelona. New York. North Acton.

And secure in the knowledge I wasn't going to be the one who broke the chain. Everyone wanks in AirBnb.

That flat in Madrid you've booked for two days? They might do 100 other bookings a year. Better hope they open a window

And you know what, if I get reincarnated as a child-desperate scheming woman with a spare flat in a holiday destination and a lot of time on my hands, I'd see about exploiting AirBnb to catch tons of sperm using a method I won't detail right now, and then use it to get up the duff I expect

I stayed in an AirBnB in Copenhagen where the host had all her insulin medication in the fridge. And she had a laundry basket full of knickers. I wasn't on a knicker hunt or owt, honest. Being a man who previously did not know that women owned such things I was just like, "Huh, I wonder what this is... Oh. It's full of women's knickers." It was nice that it clearly was an apartment that was actually lived in, though.

I did not wank in this AirBnB. I know a lesser man than I would have done awful things in that place, though. Replaced the insulin with Sherbet Dip Dabs and all sorts. Christ, people are bastards. I despair of my species at times.

[sevendaughters]

at least Airbnb isn't the completely nihilistic ecocide of flying, if we're doing tourism ethics.

the existence of it is a bit decadent bourgeois wank. but also i don't drive and when i've needed to get an early flight on a Sunday, or be at a distant football game, and public transport doesn't exist, Airbnb has allowed me to spend a fifth of what a hotel would have cost. There are not enough hotels, and at a decent rate.

[imitationleather]

I stayed in an AirBnB in London that during the week was the office (or creative hub, or whatever they wanted to call it) for an app they were developing. There was a whiteboard with various potential names for the app, and a spinning wheel with different topics on it. Could just imagine them all sat around, spinning the wheel and then having to spend half an hour discussing "Potential pitfalls" or whatnot. Proper blue sky thinking. It was like spending a weekend in an episode of The Apprentice.

The app later got featured in The Guardian, which shows how shit it was.

[Emma Raducanu]

I guess it's different strokes fer different folks and all that but the scenario someone described above where they ate with the hosts and basically felt like they were their houseguests is the absolute opposite of what I'd want, I hate being a guest.

Haha I know what you're saying. I did the Cumbria way once and at the end of a 25 mile walk, just wanted to get to my room but instead, the over familiar b&b owner wouldn't stop taking. I didn't listen to a thing he said.

With regards to my Airbnb experience, we were entirely in our own accommodation and could (like I imagine most others) have entirely ignored the owners but they were like our parents something entirely natural and beautiful about them. I, the most antisocial person on the planet was happy to be around them.

[Janie Jones]

Only last night me and Mr Jam got home and were about to unlock the front door when a woman came running across the road and asked "Hello, I've booked an Airbnb here and can't access the flat, can you help me?" Er... nope. We told her we were residents and had nothing to do with Airbnb, but this sailed right over her head as she continued "I'm renting it from Fiona? You know Fiona? How do I get in touch with her?" We explained that we didn't know any Fionas (and there was a good chance that "Fiona" wasn't actually a neighbour and had bought the flat as an Airbnb let and had never even set foot in Edinburgh). The woman was still talking at us as we closed the door...

That sums up what I hate most about Airbnb- the way guests have scant regard for residents but still expect every neighbour to serve them as an unpaid concierge.

I can see how annoying that is. I stayed in an Air B&B flat recently that featured a big notice on the wall urging guests not to contact neighbours and residents with queries and problems but to ring the landlord straight away. However, if they don't pick up or are a remote landlord like your 'Fiona' there, it's almost inevitable that the neighbours are going to get approached. 

[Blue Jam]

I can see how annoying that is. I stayed in an Air B&B flat recently that featured a big notice on the wall urging guests not to contact neighbours and residents with queries and problems but to ring the landlord straight away. However, if they don't pick up or are a remote landlord like your 'Fiona' there, it's almost inevitable that the neighbours are going to get approached.

I think she was just looking out for residents, the sound of jangling keys etc, and hoping that one of us knew "Fiona" and then... I don't know what, I'm not sure how she expected us to be able to help her. Even if we did know "Fiona", did she think we'd be looking after a stash of spare keys for her? Or that we'd be happy to help her guest out at 11.30pm when we both had work in the morning and just wanted to go to bed? "Fiona" has let you down there mate, best accept that and get yourself to a Premier Inn- and no, you can't crash on our floor.

Now I think about it, it seems this woman somehow assumed that the residents are a tight-knit community who all know each other, and yet she also assumed that we wouldn't mind having our community disrupted by the likes of her...

I really don't get this Airbnb guest mentality: If you're in a hotel and you have a problem, you don't approach random guests for help because they wouldn't be able to do anything to help and you'd just annoy them. Why is this different in an Airbnb?

Most guests haven't been too troublesome- we've had a few pressing the wrong bell, some asking if I'll let them in because they left the key "in the room", and one or two groups playing loud music at 3am on a Wednesday, but mostly it's middle-class families having loud arguments about cous-cous. The worst thing is the door being wedged open, and the hostility.

I forgot to mention the guest that Mr Jam overhead talking on her phone about her disappointment with Airbnb and what a "shithole" the place was- that's our home you're describing there, cheers.

[Icehaven]

It must be bizarre living somewhere people want to go on holiday (and one good thing about living in the Midlands I guess, that's never going to be a big problem for us.) I've known at least 2 families who were keen to move to the Lake District but ultimately didn't largely because of the property prices pushed up by tourism and the inconveniences during high season. Bet it's even worse now with Air B&B

[greencalx]

Bed and Breakfasts are the only places I've been where the toilets have had some sort of blender/mulcher attached to the back of the u-bend. Always really fucking noisy too and ensure you wake your neighbours when having a nighttime widdle.

If the solution to your plumbing problem is a Saniflo, you want to find yourself a different plumbing problem.

Trust me on this.

[steve98]

Imagine being a Saniflo Service Engineer?  A 24 hr Macerator-Pump Repair Person... "Hi, Fiona left your number.  There's a whirring noise and smoke coming from the toilet, and runny shit everywhere; can you come round?... The neighbours are no help"

[Sebastian Cobb]

Imagine being a Saniflo Service Engineer?  A 24 hr Macerator-Pump Repair Person... "Hi, Fiona left your number.  There's a whirring noise and smoke coming from the toilet, and runny shit everywhere; can you come round?... The neighbours are no help"

Why are Dyno-Rod vans bright orange? To take your mind off the shit.

[imitationleather]

It must be bizarre living somewhere people want to go on holiday (and one good thing about living in the Midlands I guess, that's never going to be a big problem for us.) I've known at least 2 families who were keen to move to the Lake District but ultimately didn't largely because of the property prices pushed up by tourism and the inconveniences during high season. Bet it's even worse now with Air B&B

It's not just yer common holiday beauty spots that have this issue. A friend of mine lives on a street in east London and the railings round his way are covered in those lockboxes that contain the keys to the various flats. It's endemic.

[greenman]

As with pretty much every large net business I'm guessing the big driver is avoiding tax and typical standards.

[Icehaven]

It's not just yer common holiday beauty spots that have this issue. A friend of mine lives on a street in east London and the railings round his way are covered in those lockboxes that contain the keys to the various flats. It's endemic.

Yeah I imagine pretty much anywhere in London is going to have loads. Actually it must be even worse in tourist cities than country/seaside spots as they're not seasonal so it'll be all year round.