Topic: Christmas Films - 2018 Edition

[bgmnts]

How many elves are there in Die Hard please?

The same amount as Home Alone I think.

[Replies From View]

The same amount as Home Alone I think.

Eight?

[Jerzy Bondov]

Ah, elves. What's the least appealing depiction of elves in a Christmas movie? Santa Claus The Movie goes with little old men (and Dud), Santa Clause goes with bad smug child actors (and Krumholtz). But the worst is easily the Polar Express for my money. Horrible, ugly creatures with annoying voices. Now, one of them is modelled on Steven Tyler so fair enough but what's the excuse for the others? And they sing a slowed down version of Santa Claus is Coming to Town which should be in a horror film.

[BritishHobo]

I just watched the film Elf, which has many elves in. I realised this year for the first time that I think they realised fifteen minutes before the end that the film had no climax, which is why just when they run out of plot, Santa Claus crashes right next to where the elf is and goes 'shit, no-one believes in Christmas anymore!', which has not in any way been demonstrated previously anywhere in this film, and this now becomes something for the elf and his friends to solve. It's a better film when it's just Will Ferrell being a fish out of water.

Peter Dinklage does a good turn in it, but I'm always bummed out that the punchline of his scene is 'ha ha Will Ferrell thinks Dinklage is an elf because he is short, and keeps saying it and keeps saying that he is an elf'.

[Ballad of Ballard Berkley]

I tried to watch Elf last Christmas. Gave up after about half an hour. Don't see why it's so revered.

Me neither, it's so boring and bland. The same goes for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which I recently tried to watch for the first time. What a leaden, unfunny film, it's terrible

[Mister Six]

I just watched the film Elf, which has many elves in. I realised this year for the first time that I think they realised fifteen minutes before the end that the film had no climax, which is why just when they run out of plot, Santa Claus crashes right next to where the elf is and goes 'shit, no-one believes in Christmas anymore!', which has not in any way been demonstrated previously anywhere in this film, and this now becomes something for the elf and his friends to solve. It's a better film when it's just Will Ferrell being a fish out of water.

Yeah, it's weird, because the film looks like it's heading towards a totally different, and actually earned ending. Towards the end the stakes and issues are clear: Buddy's sad because he's been rejected by the father he travelled to New York to meet; the dad is upset because he's about to lose his job because Buddy interrupted the pitch meeting for the new kids' book; the family are tired of the dad because he pretty much neglects them.

So you'd expect the dad, despairing, to go back home, where he's comforted by his wife and son, and bonds with them. Realising the importance of family and Christmas and yadda yadda, he goes out and finds Buddy to apologise to him. He finally humours Buddy by letting him talk about his life, and while he still thinks his son is a lunatic, he realises this is the story that could save his job!

But oh no, the finished story will need to be on the guy's table in just a couple of hours!

So Buddy calls in some favours with Santa and a squad of elves arrive to draw the whole thing up in double-quick time. Buddy's proven not to be a lunatic, dad saves his job (but promises to spend more time with his kids), Zooey Deschanel... I dunno, plods about with her stupid, dull, joke-killing voice and pops out a baby. Happy ending!

Then some studio exec says WHAT'S THIS SHIT WHERES SANNA CLAUSE WHERE'S THE REINDEER, YA FUCKIN' JAMOKE, WHERE'S THE BIT WHERE THEY SAVE CHRISTMAS THIS ISN'T A HALLMARK CHANNEL MOVIE YOU DUMB FUCK CHANGE IT NOW and the new, shitty ending with random evil park rangers is bolted on instead, while the dad saves his job by, er, stealing Peter Dinklage's notebook? Very good message for the kids.

[CaledonianGonzo]

Me neither, it's so boring and bland. The same goes for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which I recently tried to watch for the first time. What a leaden, unfunny film, it's terrible

You're not warmed by the seasonal message of a man wanting to build a swimming pool so that he can ogle a lady that he'd recently sexually harassed?

[CaledonianGonzo]

Where's the Mary Poppins Returns thread then you dweebs?

It may not be a Xmas movie but it's still the one to see this Xmas  No cockle will go unwarmed.

[Sebastian Cobb]

How many elves are there in Die Hard please?

How many elves are there in It's a Wonderful Life?

Doesn't work does it?

[CaledonianGonzo]

There's a few fairies.

[kalowski]

I tried to watch Elf last Christmas. Gave up after about half an hour. Don't see why it's so revered.

Agreed. Just mediocre.

[Sebastian Cobb]

There's a few fairies.

Not the same thing, fairies are all year round.

[the ouch cube]

Eastern Promises

[grassbath]

Yeah, it's weird, because the film looks like it's heading towards a totally different, and actually earned ending. Towards the end the stakes and issues are clear: Buddy's sad because he's been rejected by the father he travelled to New York to meet; the dad is upset because he's about to lose his job because Buddy interrupted the pitch meeting for the new kids' book; the family are tired of the dad because he pretty much neglects them.

So you'd expect the dad, despairing, to go back home, where he's comforted by his wife and son, and bonds with them. Realising the importance of family and Christmas and yadda yadda, he goes out and finds Buddy to apologise to him. He finally humours Buddy by letting him talk about his life, and while he still thinks his son is a lunatic, he realises this is the story that could save his job!

But oh no, the finished story will need to be on the guy's table in just a couple of hours!

So Buddy calls in some favours with Santa and a squad of elves arrive to draw the whole thing up in double-quick time. Buddy's proven not to be a lunatic, dad saves his job (but promises to spend more time with his kids), Zooey Deschanel... I dunno, plods about with her stupid, dull, joke-killing voice and pops out a baby. Happy ending!

Then some studio exec says WHAT'S THIS SHIT WHERES SANNA CLAUSE WHERE'S THE REINDEER, YA FUCKIN' JAMOKE, WHERE'S THE BIT WHERE THEY SAVE CHRISTMAS THIS ISN'T A HALLMARK CHANNEL MOVIE YOU DUMB FUCK CHANGE IT NOW and the new, shitty ending with random evil park rangers is bolted on instead, while the dad saves his job by, er, stealing Peter Dinklage's notebook? Very good message for the kids.

I came to this thread to post this exact thing, having just watched Elf for the first time. Around the point early in the film where James Caan's boss tells him 'look mate, we need an unprecedented amount of children's books ready for Christmas Eve or you're toast,' I would have genuinely bet money on a climax involving an elf-powered book production line. And it would have made a hell of a lot more sense.

[Shit Good Nose]

Me neither, it's so boring and bland. The same goes for National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, which I recently tried to watch for the first time. What a leaden, unfunny film, it's terrible

Out of my house...go on - out!  And don't come back.

[fucking ponderous]

Scrooged, of course - reeks a bit of compromise and Richard Donner isn't really the man for the job (though it looks tremendous - all those velvety blacks, that whole late-eighties New York vibe, and some pretty swell visual effects for '88), but man, I do adore it so. Neat little conversation about it here: https://www.vulture.com/2018/12/carol-kane-and-karen-allen-scrooged-interview.html

I watched this last night for the first time since I was a child, and it is pretty great. It's a complete mess of course, and I don't buy Murray's turn to benevolence towards the end at all- he hits the same acting notes throughout the entire thing, there's no clear development for his character. Plus, I agree with Ebert's assessment that the constant quipping from Murray is at odds with the darker tone of the rest of the film, and his big speech at the end does seem a bit like a mental breakdown. Aside from that, it's a lot of fun. The visuals are great, perhaps a little over the top, but I love garish, grotesque 80's stuff. Despite what I said early, Murray is still charming and the cast is pretty amazing- David Johansen, Bobcat Goldathwait, Carol Kane, Alfre Woodard, and guy from Gremlins 2 who reminds me of John Linnell are all very good. Did almost cry a few times. And though Michael O'Donoghue said his original script was better, there's clearly a lot of stuff in the finished film that hasn't been changed much at all- the entire opening sequence with the violent Christmas programming is so purely him, it's basically a dramatized National Lampoon comic.

[grassbath]

Just coming into this thread to assert that despite being a short film and therefore not a proper film, The Snowman is indisputably the best Christmas film.

NOT the version with David Bowie at the beginning pretending that he was the boy handling a scarf in a musty attic. He was not the boy.

The version that opens with a melancholy live-action snow scene and a distant trudging man and Raymond Briggs' clinically depressed V.O. about the day he wrote the Snowman, which melts into animation as the piano comes in.

[popcorn]

I am yet another person who just watched Elf for the first time and came here to complain about the bizarre third act. I see that's been dealt with. Good work, everyone.

I really liked the "world's best coffee" joke, though.

Just coming into this thread to assert that despite being a short film and therefore not a proper film, The Snowman is indisputably the best Christmas film.

Took my young cousins to see a screening of that with a live orchestra (and live child singing the song). I've always found the film mesmerising but the final moment in the credits, when the strings swell into a major chord, is so cathartic I burst into tears.

[mothman]

We just went to see the new The Grinch. Jesus.

It wasn’t my choice - youngest child has been asking for weeks. The theatre was quite full, too.

But, fuck me it was awful. Great animation - the snow really looked and acted like snow - and production design, but the script was awful. They disposed of all but maybe two lines of the original text, replacing it with some awful new rhyming narration by - that great Shakespearean orator - Pharrell Williams, I kid you not. The basic storyline was retained but expanded with subplots that made the Carrey version look like Citizen fucking Kane by comparison.

It’s a toss-up who does a worse American accent, Daniel Craig or Benedict Cumberbatch. The latter makes a good pitch at claiming the prize by voicing the Grinch in this film.

I fell asleep - first time ever in a cinema. So did TeenMoth, her head on my shoulder, my head on hers. The Mothlet, however, loved it.

[Shit Good Nose]

We just went to see the new The Grinch. Jesus.

It wasn’t my choice - youngest child has been asking for weeks. The theatre was quite full, too.

But, fuck me it was awful. Great animation - the snow really looked and acted like snow - and production design, but the script was awful. They disposed of all but maybe two lines of the original text, replacing it with some awful new rhyming narration by - that great Shakespearean orator - Pharrell Williams, I kid you not. The basic storyline was retained but expanded with subplots that made the Carrey version look like Citizen fucking Kane by comparison.

It’s a toss-up who does a worse American accent, Daniel Craig or Benedict Cumberbatch. The latter makes a good pitch at claiming the prize by voicing the Grinch in this film.

I fell asleep - first time ever in a cinema. So did TeenMoth, her head on my shoulder, my head on hers. The Mothlet, however, loved it.

Agree, however I thought it was infinitely better than the Carrey one, which still ranks among the worst christmas films I've ever seen.

[mothman]

Admit I’m giving the Carrey version a bit of a pass here, because at least it retained the original text. I didn’t like it either - I thought it was an utterly horrible-looking film, for one thing. The Whos’ makeup made them look like the mutated inbred survivors of a nuclear holocaust. Only managed to sit through it at all (coincidentally, this Christmas, too - the first time I’ve seen it) by head-canoning that as the secret backstory.

[rjd2]

Christmas is winding down, but Tangerine is a great Xmas film about trans sex workers and Ziggy from the wire thrown in.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

I saw Gremlins in its entirety for the first time this Christmas. It was a bit of a let down.

[alan nagsworth]

I saw Gremlins in its entirety for the first time this Christmas. It was a bit of a let down.

It's a bit of a slow burner, don't you think? I still really like it but I feel like it's quite a while before it all kicks off. The sequel is loads better.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Slow burn I've got no problem with. Aliens takes about 45 minutes before the titular creatures show up and that totally rules (and shits on Alien 3). The build up to the Gremlins appearance didn't really warrant it, though. Worse still, when their rampage did start, it was a bit half arsed.
Also, I don't think I've ever hated a character more than I hate Mr Peltzer. Useless old wanker, ruining his family to flog his crappy inventions. He should at least be played as a wide eyed dreamer, but the actor seemed to think he was playing a hardboiled detective. Hate.

[Shit Good Nose]

Slow burn I've got no problem with. Aliens takes about 45 minutes before the titular creatures show up and that totally rules (and is massively shit in comparison to Alien 3). The build up to the Gremlins appearance didn't really warrant it, though. Worse still, when their rampage did start, it was a bit half arsed.
Also, I don't think I've ever hated a character more than I hate Mr Peltzer. Useless old wanker, ruining his family to flog his crappy inventions. He should at least be played as a wide eyed dreamer, but the actor seemed to think he was playing a hardboiled detective. Hate.

Fixed.

[alan nagsworth]

Ah if it's a proper rampage you want then deffo watch the sequel. Loads of rampage. Gang rape, shit fetishising, the lot.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Fixed.

I'll fix you!

I notice you didn't disagree with anything I said about Gremlins though.

[Shit Good Nose]

Actually I do disagree RE Gremlins - having seen it very recently, I still love it - however, I'll quickly acknowledge 2 is heaps more fun.  But then 2 is ostensibly a parody of the quite dark and nasty first film.

I just thought that reminding you Alien 3 is infinitely better than Aliens was a more pressing matter.

[Claude the Racecar Driving Rockstar Super Sleuth]

Actually I do disagree RE Gremlins - having seen it very recently, I still love it - however, I'll quickly acknowledge 2 is heaps more fun.  But then 2 is ostensibly a parody of the quite dark and nasty first film.

I just thought that reminding you that I'm always wrong and a big botty was a more pressing matter.

Fixed.