Author Topic: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home  (Read 829 times)

pancreas

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You've got a sharp knife and a bath.

I don't think I could go bigger than duck, in honesty. I think despatching a goose would be quite upsetting. Goat is right out.

Queneau

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2018, 08:56:12 AM »
You know that giant from the story with that little cunt and his beans? Yeah, I could do the giant. Need a giant bathtub though so I'd have to do it at his place.

NoSleep

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2018, 08:56:50 AM »
A mushroom.

biggytitbo

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2018, 09:00:34 AM »
A bee.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2018, 09:00:44 AM »
A human but only one with achondroplasia and an attitude problem.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2018, 09:01:01 AM »
Ronald McDonald

kittens

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2018, 09:02:22 AM »
no mammals or birds. maybe a small reptile. wouldn't use the knife. stamp it's lights out.

Shoulders?-Stomach!

  • Got to be getting his head on that for me Gary
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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2018, 09:03:10 AM »
If you don't use the knife you have to use it on yourself - forfeit

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2018, 09:05:55 AM »
Blue whale.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2018, 09:06:15 AM »
Two wasps.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #10 on: November 30, 2018, 09:08:35 AM »
A dog. But not a gundog.

Blinder Data

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #11 on: November 30, 2018, 09:09:55 AM »
Honestly, a chicken

Shoulders?-Stomach!

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Buelligan

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #13 on: November 30, 2018, 09:15:56 AM »
I think I would kill something for it's own good if I had to (you know what I mean) but I'd probably use a lump hammer.  Other than that, I'm with NoSleep.  I get upset and think about it for weeks (not a joke) if I accidentally tread on a snail.

Having said all that, yesterday, I was forced to intervene in a dual to the death between a hunting dog on the lam and my neighbour's beloved puss.  Jesus Christ, I got bitten (hands) and it's a long time since I've seen that much human, dog and cat blood, they had to wash down the lane. 

Thankfully all the combatants seem to have survived but it just goes to show, even something as cute and innocuous as a tiny fluffy little kitty is not always quite the walkover you might imagine.

icehaven

  • I will be in the bar, with my head on the bar
Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #14 on: November 30, 2018, 09:23:02 AM »
Sober - probably nothing
Drunk - probably anything

But enough about my sex life.

Gregory Torso

  • sun of the vermin wind
Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #15 on: November 30, 2018, 09:24:03 AM »
Myself

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #16 on: November 30, 2018, 09:28:51 AM »
Knickers; the Giant Australian cow.
Although any photos I have seen; I am convinced they just surrounded an averaged size Friesian cow with a lot of small brown cows.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #17 on: November 30, 2018, 09:32:38 AM »
I'd rather not but I suppose I could take down a big dog. Would probably need a hand though as I'm quite scared of big dogs

Buelligan

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #18 on: November 30, 2018, 09:35:34 AM »
Get yourself a small cat.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #19 on: November 30, 2018, 09:45:19 AM »
I've already got two small cats. I wouldn't slaughter them though, even though they try to make me fall down the stairs and die every single morning. Sometimes you look at them and think you know what mate I could just step on you really hard and that'd be it for you. You have no idea of the power I have over you, you lowly beast. But you love them.

Buelligan

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #20 on: November 30, 2018, 09:47:51 AM »
Sorry, I just meant a small cat would easily handle a large dog for you, between games of backgammon (and probably bring you the choicest cuts, tastefully arranged with some flowers, afterwards).

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #21 on: November 30, 2018, 10:00:13 AM »
Helped a mate off a couple of cockrels (they had 3 young ones and you only really want one for some hens). It was grim, especially plucking them when they were still warm, like a reminder they'd recently been alive.

Tasted good though.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #22 on: November 30, 2018, 10:05:53 AM »
Your mum

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #23 on: November 30, 2018, 10:21:05 AM »
A really big slug.

kittens

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #24 on: November 30, 2018, 10:23:28 AM »
could kill a big crab with a hammer but they aren't animals really are they.

Cuellar

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #25 on: November 30, 2018, 10:24:15 AM »
Wasp I reckon. Big wasp.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #26 on: November 30, 2018, 10:26:43 AM »
Fucking hate the cornflake hen, don't think it got it's position on merit, I'd kill it. Changes size too, dependent on the box, so might be a spirited fight.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RBBy7uRPNOE . We've all got to kill things sometimes, like lord disney said in his lion film, nnaaaaah sowenyaahh, mabageethee baba. Killing is good sometimes, a cleansing experience, and I'd cleanse this earth of the cornflake hen.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #27 on: November 30, 2018, 10:36:57 AM »
Next door's annoying cat.
It'd be easy to catch too, the fat fuck.

im barry bethel

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #28 on: November 30, 2018, 10:47:34 AM »
A bee.

I've dismembered a bumblebee in the garage before




Buelligan

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #29 on: November 30, 2018, 10:55:53 AM »
I'd have a go at Tony Blair but that would be for the good of everyone, I wouldn't eat him.  Similarly BoJo but someone would have to immobilise him with a harpoon first.  I'm limber and keen, even with my injuries, but I'm not that weighty.