Author Topic: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home  (Read 830 times)

Elderly Sumo Prophecy

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #30 on: November 30, 2018, 11:15:26 AM »
A wood pigeon. It would shut it the fuck up for once, and I could eat it later.

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #31 on: November 30, 2018, 11:16:56 AM »
I think if I could get a sloth frozen I wouldn’t mind going at it with a cheese wire.

buzby

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #32 on: November 30, 2018, 11:55:02 AM »
Honestly, a chicken
When I was little we lived in my Nan's house with my uncle on my mum's side, and he a menagerie in the back garden (rabbits, a goose, pigeons, budgies, an owl, a tortoise and a hedgehog as well as our dog). The rabbits and pigeons used to end up in the pot every so often, in what I suspect was a throwback to habits developed during the war. The rabbits and pigeons would get 'necked' by my uncle (i.e. neck broken by pulling up and twisting, disconnecting the head from the spine) before the knife got involved. The rabbits then used to get hung on a nail on one of the fence posts to be skinned and gutted.

Before I was born apparently he used to keep chickens as well, and one sunday when he was away one was required for a family dinner so my dad was asked to dispatch one. He didn't know about the 'necking' part of the process, so just grabbed one of the chickens and beheaded it over the bath, resulting in the decapitated chicken running and flapping round the house squirting blood everywhere and one of my terrifed aunties running out of the front door and up the street.

Buelligan

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #33 on: November 30, 2018, 12:01:46 PM »
Most of the old folk still do that here.  Snails too, kept in ancient cages with chalk-marked dates of ingress, waiting until they are considered purged. 

Here, chickens and so on are hung to drain into a dish.  The blood is allowed to coagulate and then gently poached or fried into a weird grey pancake which is eaten with salt and bread.  They do their own pigs too.

Lost Oliver

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #34 on: November 30, 2018, 12:06:31 PM »
T-Rex on steroids.

NoSleep

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #35 on: November 30, 2018, 12:16:43 PM »
I must confess to having slaughtered a few oysters by eating them alive, and the knife would have come in handy for prying open the shell.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #36 on: November 30, 2018, 01:07:34 PM »
I must admit I lost patience with a maggot* in my kitchen last weekend :-(

*No, I don't mean Aaron Banks!!!

Golden E. Pump

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #37 on: November 30, 2018, 01:59:03 PM »
James Corden.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #38 on: November 30, 2018, 02:06:25 PM »
I must admit I lost patience with a maggot* in my kitchen last weekend :-(

For the record, as a vegan, I didn't kill it - I just gave it a ruddy good talking to! Even then, I was still uncomfortable with the asymmetrical power dynamics.

Buelligan

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #39 on: November 30, 2018, 02:21:51 PM »
I know what you mean.  I just flicked off a mealybug.  I don't even know how old it was.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #40 on: November 30, 2018, 02:56:20 PM »
When I was living in a somewhat small town in Slovakia, I was invited to dinner by one of my fellow teachers, a perfectly charming Lucy Meacock lookalike lass.  She showed me her collection of hens and chickens what her family kept in the backyard, along with two pigs. "I have named that one Lisa" she said, intimating that this was a great honour for me. A couple of weeks later, they slaughtered and ate the fucking thing. Well, that was fucking nice of them, wasn't it? "Come here, Lisa the pig, we're going to kill you.". Oh, thank you *very* much indeed, what a lovely gesture that was, I feel *very* blummin' honoured indeed,I must say. I mean, *really*.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #41 on: November 30, 2018, 02:58:13 PM »
I must admit I lost patience with a maggot* in my kitchen last weekend :-(



You don't mean you got fed up with one of John Fowles' later works !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!odin

chveik

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #42 on: November 30, 2018, 04:33:16 PM »
cockroach

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #43 on: November 30, 2018, 04:45:45 PM »
Whelk. Medium sized.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #44 on: November 30, 2018, 04:52:33 PM »
Never liked Giraffes but I doubt I could get one through the front door.

im barry bethel

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #45 on: November 30, 2018, 05:04:49 PM »
The rabbits and pigeons used to end up in the pot every so often, in what I suspect was a throwback to habits developed during the war.

Used to hate being at my nans when grandad would come back from the canal with a bag of eels. Topped and tailed on the garden wall then the knife run down the length and a kettle of boiling water used to flush the insides out while nan knocked up pastry. Apparently my refusal to eat the resulting pie meant you don't know what's good for you

I must confess to having slaughtered a few oysters by eating them alive, and the knife would have come in handy for prying open the shell.

Shucking behaviour

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #46 on: November 30, 2018, 08:53:27 PM »
You don't mean you got fed up with one of John Fowles' later works !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!odin

No.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #47 on: December 01, 2018, 03:52:02 AM »
Imagine killing a sloth with a whip, horrible image.

Angrew Lloyg Wegger

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #48 on: December 07, 2018, 04:01:44 PM »
Snake, any length. Piss easy, you can just chop it up like a Swiss roll.

Glebe

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #49 on: December 07, 2018, 04:07:13 PM »
A giraffe, so I could prove evolution or something like Richard Dawkins.

hamfist

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #50 on: December 07, 2018, 04:23:00 PM »
I’d take down a pig I reckon. If I needed it post-apocalypse to feed my bairns. Use every part of it. I am neither squeamish nor sentimental, I value utility and understand necessity. Therefore only if Aldi was shut society had collapsed

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #51 on: December 07, 2018, 04:48:31 PM »
If society had collapsed I could kill anything unless it was simian.

If just an average day then maybe a rat if for some reason I felt I had to.

Dex Sawash

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #52 on: December 07, 2018, 04:53:57 PM »
Has anyone said pancreas yet?
Probably

Lordofthefiles

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #53 on: December 07, 2018, 05:32:46 PM »
A Feltz

BlodwynPig

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #54 on: December 07, 2018, 05:51:22 PM »
Watched a netflix docuseries last night about people living in extreme cold (Alaska)

One guy killed a caribou, disembowelled it, took it home and skinned it and chopped it up and i didnt flinch despite my love for these gentle creatures... so i guess i could slaughter...pancreas

hamfist

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Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #55 on: December 07, 2018, 05:57:20 PM »
Reckon I’d whack the pig on the head with the showerhead, then slit its throat with the shattered shards of the shampoo bottle lid after I dropped it the other day, then tie it by the hind legs to the shower curtain rail. Then down the middle with the shard to open the body, flop out the guts and then spray it out with the shower. I’d flush the inedible bits down the bog, then butcher the meat on the tiled floor. Then put the cuts of meat and offal in the laundry basket to take downstairs to the fallout shelter. Reckon I’d preserve some of it by curing in salt, smoke some of it over the smouldering remains of my shed.

Re: What is the largest animal you would be prepared to slaughter at home
« Reply #56 on: December 07, 2018, 06:37:48 PM »
Reckon I’d whack the pig on the head with the showerhead, then slit its throat with the shattered shards of the shampoo bottle lid after I dropped it the other day, then tie it by the hind legs to the shower curtain rail. Then down the middle with the shard to open the body, flop out the guts and then spray it out with the shower. I’d flush the inedible bits down the bog, then butcher the meat on the tiled floor. Then put the cuts of meat and offal in the laundry basket to take downstairs to the fallout shelter. Reckon I’d preserve some of it by curing in salt, smoke some of it over the smouldering remains of my shed.

The police have been informed.  Or DynaRod, who did such good work at Cranleigh Gardens.