It's Kristin Hersh !

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

In you go to a branch of McDonald's to guiltily satiate your occasional need for a fast food fix, you approach the counter, and you see, behind that very counter, in the full McDonald's uniform, with a lovely little Fender Stretocaster guitar strapped around herself, a middle-aged woman of diminutive stature looking quite intently at the aforesaid instrument while moving her fingers up and down the fretboard in complex ways. Barely looking up from her instrument, she speaks to you in distinct Bostonian tones...."I'll be right with you to take your order sir, just sorting myself a little tune out here...."-It's Kristin Hersh!

Your washing machine is broken. Do you want it to be mended? Hell, Yes! So, you phone up the Washing Machine Repair company, who say " A broken washing machine, you say? Jumping Jesophat, we'll send our best man round to you straight away!". Within half an hour, there's a ring on your doorbell. In comes someone you assume is a man, a moustachioed individual, wearing a flat cap and brown overalls, carrying the requisite bag of washing machine repair tools, but also , somewhat incongruously, a Collings C10 Cutaway acoustic guitar. As soon as crossing your threshold, and dumping their bag of tools on the floor, they immediately start plucking that aforesaid instrument, their digits going across the strings in a slightly unconventional manner, and say , in one of the most inauthentic sounding  cockney accents you ever heard, "Cor Blimey Guvenor, I'm gonna fix your Come On Eileen in a minute, isn't it, just as soon as I've worked out this Spike (" He" then has to explain to you, due to you looking confused,  that "Spike" is Cockney rhyming slang for "tune"{ Spike Milligan, Former Goon }). The clearly fake moustache starts to droop a little, a long strand of hair that has been bunched up under the flat cap falls over the face of this most unconvincing cockney washing machine repairman. Could it be? Yes! - It's Kristin Hersh !

Right, then. There you are in the middle of a rocky desert scenario. You've just come out of hospital after your latest six month stint in intensive care . You're beginning to think that the ACME Supplies company is not to be completely trusted. Nonetheless, you've purchased another Road Runner Trapping Device, got it all rigged up, and you've got your binoculars trained on the bowl of sumptious seed you've put in the middle of the road, with the sign saying FREE BIRDSEED, YOU CUNT and an arrow pointing down to it. This time, your elaborate scheme is going to work, and you're not going to be ingloriously knacked at all. You see the familiar dust trail speeding towards the bowl, and you see the cause of that dust trail stop at the food bowl. THIS IS IT! you're definitely catching and eating this furiously fleet-footed fucker, this time! Your binovision shows that the creature looks an awful lot bigger than usual, and is also running their feathers over what is clearly a Gibson J-45 acoustic guitar in what looks like a fairly involved fashion. Then the creature actually speaks in a New England accent " Oh, great , some birdseed, well, I really am going to chow down on those tempting looking victuals, once I've sorted this tune out....Oh, Fuck, I mean, 'Beep, Beep!' ". That's not the Road Runner! That's a human being dressed up like the Road Runner! It's not is it? Is that Tanya Donnely?? No-It's Kristin Hersh!

You're feeling all sad , and that. Remember the Emily Blunt lookalike who used to say, and text the words, "can you imagine?" to you at various times, in one of the most endearing ways possible? Remember the Kate Beckinsale Lookalike Architecht-Uh who.....erm....was jolly attractive and that? Remember the 20 year age gap? Now you know in your brain, you know in your brain, that you cannae get away with that shit anymore. You're getting old persons eyebrows, and those once twinkling  blue eyes have a murderspree of crow's feet around them, and would cause Vince Vaughn, Susan Sarandon and the late Barry Norman to say "Gosh, You've got baggy eyes." Time is going about it's duty to make you look like shit. Your personality's a right load of old bollocks too, so you've no chance there. What to do in such times of sadness? Of course! Phone the Samaritans! Goshadarnit, they'll give you the strength and fortitude to keep on the dutiful trudge through this veil of tears, that some choose to call "Revenge Of The Goldfish" (Having gotten the wrong Inspiral Carpets Album title ). "Those Samaritans are going to give me a ruddy good bit of help! " you thinksk to yourself. You dial their number . You hear the dialling tone. The phone is answered,  and you hear a collosally angry voice , shouted in an accent from one of the oldest states in That America "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU FUCKING WANT? YOU'RE GONNA BLEAT SOME SELF-PITYING CROCK OF HORSESHIT AT ME, YOU FUCKER?" In the background, you can also make out what is clearly the sound of this most unorthodox sounding Samaritan running her hand version of toes along the body of an ESP LTD xtore PS-1 in a way that sound actually quite dexterous yet difficult "I'M TRYING TO WORK ON A FUCKING TUNE, HERE, YOU FUCKING JACKASS! ANYWAY, I'M FUCKING BI-POLAR! ARE YOU FUCKING BI-POLAR? NO YOU'RE FUCKING NOT, YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING MISERABLE BASTARD IN ONE OF THE MOST PATHETIC CASES OF ARRESTED ADOLESCENCE THE WORLD HAS EVER WITNESSED! AT LEAST YOU GOT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS POST WITHOUT MENTIONING JODIE COMER, YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS FUCKING IDIOT! WELL FUCKING DONE! " Wait a minute....could it be? Why, it most certainly could- It's Kristin Hersh!

I should be doing some work, really.

EDIT: Didn't like my flat, unimaginative use of "little" in the opening bit.Also, corrected bas spelling throughout.

[im barry bethel]

Could one of you synopsis this down for me please

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

It's Kristen Hersh (In Unlikely Scenarios ) !

[Pingers]

Thou Shalt Not Take The Name Of The Coolest Woman in Music in Vain. And Thou Shalt Spell it Correctly As Well.

[Gregory Torso]

Actually I'm pretty sure it's TANYA DONELLY !


Oh wait a minute... yeah... there she is.

[Ambient Sheep]

Writing as somebody for whom that first Throwing Muses album (and to a slightly lesser extent the second album and first two EPs) were SO FUCKING IMPORTANT in his life and that of his BFF's, can I just say...
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...that was wonderful!  Made me smile.

_{^{You do still have just under an hour to fix the name spelling though.}}

[Pingers]

This is the thread in which I get to discover which CaBers are automatically excellent human beings.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

In you go to a branch of McDonald's to guiltily satiate your occasional need for a fast food fix, you approach the counter, and you see, behind that very counter, in the full McDonald's uniform, with a lovely little Fender Stretocaster guitar strapped around herself, a middle-aged woman of diminutive stature looking quite intently at the aforesaid instrument while moving her fingers up and down the fretboard in complex ways. Barely looking up from her instrument, she speaks to you in distinct Bostonian tones...."I'll be right with you to take your order sir, just sorting myself a little tune out here...."-It's Kristin Hersh!

Your washing machine is broken. Do you want it to be mended? Hell, Yes! So, you phone up the Washing Machine Repair company, who say " A broken washing machine, you say? Jumping Jesophat, we'll send our best man round to you straight away!". Within half an hour, there's a ring on your doorbell. In comes someone you assume is a man, a moustachioed individual, wearing a flat cap and brown overalls, carrying the requisite bag of washing machine repair tools, but also , somewhat incongruously, a Collings C10 Cutaway acoustic guitar. As soon as crossing your threshold, and dumping their bag of tools on the floor, they immediately start plucking that aforesaid instrument, their digits going across the strings in a slightly unconventional manner, and say , in one of the most inauthentic sounding  cockney accents you ever heard, "Cor Blimey Guvenor, I'm gonna fix your Come On Eileen in a minute, isn't it, just as soon as I've worked out this Spike (" He" then has to explain to you, due to you looking confused,  that "Spike" is Cockney rhyming slang for "tune"{ Spike Milligan, Former Goon }). The clearly fake moustache starts to droop a little, a long strand of hair that has been bunched up under the flat cap falls over the face of this most unconvincing cockney washing machine repairman. Could it be? Yes! - It's Kristin Hersh !

Right, then. There you are in the middle of a rocky desert scenario. You've just come out of hospital after your latest six month stint in intensive care . You're beginning to think that the ACME Supplies company is not to be completely trusted. Nonetheless, you've purchased another Road Runner Trapping Device, got it all rigged up, and you've got your binoculars trained on the bowl of sumptious seed you've put in the middle of the road, with the sign saying FREE BIRDSEED, YOU CUNT and an arrow pointing down to it. This time, your elaborate scheme is going to work, and you're not going to be ingloriously knacked at all. You see the familiar dust trail speeding towards the bowl, and you see the cause of that dust trail stop at the food bowl. THIS IS IT! you're definitely catching and eating this furiously fleet-footed fucker, this time! Your binovision shows that the creature looks an awful lot bigger than usual, and is also running their feathers over what is clearly a Gibson J-45 acoustic guitar in what looks like a fairly involved fashion. Then the creature actually speaks in a New England accent " Oh, great , some birdseed, well, I really am going to chow down on those tempting looking victuals, once I've sorted this tune out....Oh, Fuck, I mean, 'Beep, Beep!' ". That's not the Road Runner! That's a human being dressed up like the Road Runner! It's not is it? Is that Tanya Donnely?? No-It's Kristin Hersh!

You're feeling all sad , and that. Remember the Emily Blunt lookalike who used to say, and text the words, "can you imagine?" to you at various times, in one of the most endearing ways possible? Remember the Kate Beckinsale Lookalike Architecht-Uh who.....erm....was jolly attractive and that? Remember the 20 year age gap? Now you know in your brain, you know in your brain, that you cannae get away with that shit anymore. You're getting old persons eyebrows, and those once twinkling  blue eyes have a murderspree of crow's feet around them, and would cause Vince Vaughn, Susan Sarandon and the late Barry Norman to say "Gosh, You've got baggy eyes." Time is going about it's duty to make you look like shit. Your personality's a right load of old bollocks too, so you've no chance there. What to do in such times of sadness? Of course! Phone the Samaritans! Goshadarnit, they'll give you the strength and fortitude to keep on the dutiful trudge through this veil of tears, that some choose to call "Revenge Of The Goldfish" (Having gotten the wrong Inspiral Carpets Album title ). "Those Samaritans are going to give me a ruddy good bit of help! " you thinksk to yourself. You dial their number . You hear the dialling tone. The phone is answered,  and you hear a collosally angry voice , shouted in an accent from one of the oldest states in That America "WHAT THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU FUCKING WANT? YOU'RE GONNA BLEAT SOME SELF-PITYING CROCK OF HORSESHIT AT ME, YOU FUCKER?" In the background, you can also make out what is clearly the sound of this most unorthodox sounding Samaritan running her hand version of toes along the body of an ESP LTD xtore PS-1 in a way that sound actually quite dexterous yet difficult "I'M TRYING TO WORK ON A FUCKING TUNE, HERE, YOU FUCKING JACKASS! ANYWAY, I'M FUCKING BI-POLAR! ARE YOU FUCKING BI-POLAR? NO YOU'RE FUCKING NOT, YOU'RE JUST A FUCKING MISERABLE BASTARD IN ONE OF THE MOST PATHETIC CASES OF ARRESTED ADOLESCENCE THE WORLD HAS EVER WITNESSED! AT LEAST YOU GOT ALL THE WAY THROUGH THIS POST WITHOUT MENTIONING JODIE COMER, YOU FUCKING WORTHLESS FUCKING IDIOT! WELL FUCKING DONE! " Wait a minute....could it be? Why, it most certainly could- It's Kristin Hersh!

I should be doing some work, really.

EDIT: Didn't like my flat, unimaginative use of "little" in the opening bit.Also, corrected bad spelling of yer woman's name  throughout.

[Lisa Jesusandmarychain]

I feel  like an alarm (ingly bad at doing things properly on this fucking thread ) cock.

[Pingers]

Nice

[Glebe]

Kristin Hersh is fab!

[Pingers]

You're in then. I've never met a Throwing Muses/Kristin Hersh fan I didn't like. It's like a golden ticket, a secret handshake: "You're alright"